


Flight From Darkness

by Frantastic1993



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: A Choice with No Regrets, F/M, Levi-centric (Shingeki no Kyojin), Pre-Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets, Shingeki no Kyojin: Kuinaki Sentaku | Attack on Titan: No Regrets Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2016-10-22
Packaged: 2018-04-12 15:58:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 65,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4485807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Frantastic1993/pseuds/Frantastic1993
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In the world of the Underground Katsumi is as ruthless as anyone else, but when her world once again collides with Levi Ackerman's she finds that even after 10 years, the past is persistent. Kat inadvertendly finds herself wrapped up in the mess of her old friend and current enemy, Levi; helping him and his two new allies Farlan and Isabel as they contend with the Survey Corps. Can she save Levi from himself? Or will her own darkness pull her back under?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hi reader: this is another idea I'm toying with continuing, set in the underground at the time of the 'No Regrets' OVA, spoilers ahead for that and the main anime (as and when I continue the story). You have been warned.
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan, I only own my OC and some of the plot points. Some. The initial part of this story will follow the OVA to a certain degree, but not necessarily to the letter. Therefore don't assume you know what's coming ;)
> 
> Hope you enjoy, leave a review, like or follow, all are appreciated!
> 
> Thanks, Fran

I throw my rope up and over a roof. It hooks on and I go swinging, momentum building till finally I kick off another wall at the right angle and there we are. Home free. I sit down and hide behind the small wall, waiting as the footsteps rush past me, roars and grunts going with them. The idiots were soon long gone and I check my bounty was intact. Three loaves of bread and a shit-tonne of preserved meat. The jackpot of jackpots. I still couldn't believe I'd stumbled across a store of meat, in the Underground? My stomach gurgles and I put everything back in my bag before heading for home. I head for the edge of the roof, hook the rope in place and swing down into the street, people dodge but they needn't, I'm a good few metres above them when I unhook my rope and flip down into an alley. Takes a good chunk out of my commute time. I begin jogging through the crowded streets, winding up my rope as I go. I avoid the worst streets, and dash through the darkest. Soon my home is in sight, I can just taste the bread and meat, washed down with some hot tea. I was in for a good night. Hopefully without interruption.

I slow a little as I hear light sobbing.

So close!

Hearing someone crying was nothing new, but this was so young sounding I couldn't help but stop. Damn you instincts, why do you have to stall me from dinner? I look and see a young woman hunched against the wall. She keeps hitting against it, clearly annoyed with herself about something. Her auburn hair is spiky, and tied into pigtails. She's sobbing her heart out. I look around but no one seems to be looking for her.

"Hey, kid?" I call quietly, not wanting to attract unwanted attention. She sniffs violently and looks up with wide green eyes. I don't react on the surface, this could easily be a hook for an attack. But I see no shadows move, and there's nowhere all that easy to jump out from nearby. If it was a hook, it was a damned good one. I kneel down and nod towards her. "You hurt?"

"No…" she spits angrily, like I've just insulted her. I nod slowly and continue to scan the area, nothing so far.

"You alone?"

"Duh!" she huffs, sobbing again, hitting off the wall again as well. And then I think she realises why I'm asking and snorts a little, wiping her nose on her sleeve. "I'm not robbing you, lady."

I smirk, she was a pretty smart kid. And clearly upset about something. I rub my hands together and frown as a thought enters my head. Give her something to eat. Maybe even let her come inside till you can find out what's wrong with her. I glance around a little, wondering where the hell this came from. As her breathing evens out a little I clear my throat and nod towards my home.

"You hungry, kid?"

"Yeah…" she frowns but just holds her knees closer to her chest. I sigh and stand up, shifting my heavy bag on my back. She looks… shit I have no idea how old, but she's definitely younger than I am. "Why'd you care?"

"I don't particularly. But you caught me in a generous mood, apparently." She looks at me a little weirdly, narrowing her bright eyes like suspecting me of something. To be fair, generosity wasn't a common notion down here in the Underground. Murder was the order of the day for most. When she's done looking me up and down meticulously, she shakes her head slowly.

"I ain't got nothing to give you."

"That implies you have something to give." I snort, "Double negative… "

"Huh?"

"Come on kid, this bag's fucking heavy. Want some grub or not? Then you can come back and continue uselessly crying in the street." I hitch my bag again, underlining the heavy factor. She gets up slowly and trudges over to me, fiddling with one of her pigtails as she does. I never understood the term pigtails, I'd only ever seen one pig, but I had only seen one tail there… I turn and lead her towards my door.

"I really don't have anything missus."

"And I really don't expect you to, kid. No funny business, plus there's plenty windows you can jump out of. Coming? I just did pretty well today and feel like some good karma, close the door behind you yeah?"

I lead her in and head up the stairs. My shite apartment opens in front of me and I take a deep breath, no place like it. Really I couldn't complain, it had four(ish) walls and a roof almost entirely intact. More than many had. But I'd worked damned hard for it, so I was entitled to bitch.

I set down my bag and set the flame alight beneath the make-shift kettle.

"Tea? Or what I have deemed tea…" I flake some leaves into a cup, she shakes her head and wrinkles her nose. I shrug and get a loaf of bread out and some meat. Her jaw drops. I smirk and get the one plate I own and hand it over to her. She stands there holding the plate and staring at it in disbelief. I wonder how long it is since she ate. Not that I was a porker, but the kid was incredibly slight.

"You serious missus?"

"Dig in, kid. I have more in the bag, but that's mine okay? No nicking it?"

"Nah, you're clearly a crazy, I ain't stealing from you." She laughs, grabbing the bread and wolfing down a mouthful. I indicate the seat and she sits, heavily, nearly dropping the plate as she is lost in ecstasy.

I pour my 'tea' and stand by the window, or rather hole in my wall. There's still no one wandering round calling a name. People go missing all the time, but this kid still seemed fairly innocent, so there was someone looking after her. Down here you got bitter real quick without a boundary protecting you. I blow the steam away from my cup and sigh, wondering how far she is from home. I peer back to her and consider that she can't be from up-top, she's too scrappy for that. Then I frown, she wasn't a prozzy either, she was too boulshy for that. I sit on the sill and swirl the leaves round in the liquid.

"You lost, kid?" I ask carefully, not really wanting her to start crying again, I'm awful at dealing with people crying. I'm pretty bad with people in general. Or at least I thought I was, I think back over the past five minutes and smile. Perhaps loneliness had made me sociable? I smile into my tea. But then I stop when I realise she still hasn't answered, she's swallowing hard staring at the plate. "Kid?"

"I got lost from Big Bro…" she grits her sharp little teeth, "I'm so stupid."

"Hey, hey, I'm sure we can find your brother… does he look like you?"

"Nah…" and she goes on to describe someone I'd hoped to never have to run into again. At least not in this lifetime. I groan as she describes Levi to me. Really? I look up and feel like flipping the bird at whatever God thought this was funny. Of all the kids I had to run into, it had to be one of his brats? I meet her gaze when she hears my reaction, she sees the contempt. "You got history with Big Bro?"

"In a sense…" I laugh draining my cup and putting it back by the kettle, she chews slower now, watching me closer. I guess she now suspects I'm an enemy of his, and might use her as leverage against him. It was an oldy, but a goody. And indeed I was kind of an enemy, but I had no need to use leverage. I had no need, or want, to be anywhere near his stoic ass. "So what's your name, kid?"

"What's yours?" she replies coldly, still watching me fixedly. The kid was no dumbass. I make a little bow, and wonder if this name will even mean anything to her. I doubted he had ever spoken about me to new brats, and he might well have banned the subject of me from old ones.

"Katsumi. But I'm mostly known as Kat."

"K-Katsumi? The Katsumi?"

"I dunno do I?" I laugh raising a brow at her, she blushes a little and shrugs.

"I thought big Bro made you up."

"Ha, you mean he actually talks about me?" I snort, not really believing this. He always swore I'd never cross his mind after I left. So much hate in his eyes. She's watching me with a little bit of hate too. I raise my brow higher and tilt my head, come on little girl, don't start.

"You hurt Big Bro."

It isn't anything more than a statement, but I know she wants to hurt me too. The devotion is there. It was always there in his brat's eyes, there would have been a time when it was in my eyes also. That was a good ten years ago now. Sixteen years old and a nemesis. It was quite the achievement. I think back and almost laugh, we had been kids, and yet oh-so-grown up.

"I left and he got pissy, there's a difference, kid."

"That's not how he tells it."

"Oh I'm sure it isn't. Eat your food and I'll take you back." I sigh and go to look for my gear, these shoes weren't that great for running and I knew I'd need to bolt once delivering this kid home. I hear her shift in her seat. I glance over my shoulder.

"You're still gonna help me?" she's still shovelling food in her mouth, probably ready to run off if I suddenly turn vengeful, but I just nod and wink.

"Not your fault he's a tool."

"But he'll—"

"He'll yell at me, maybe even keep his word and kill me, but heck I can take him kid. Don't you worry. I'll get you home and be on my way. Not a problem." I shrug and then pause, "What is your name then?"

"Isabel."

I nod and head through to my room to change, this was not going to be a pleasant reunion, but it was inevitable really. Levi was such a prominent aspect of the Underground, I was amazed I'd dodged him for ten years. As I tug on my proper boots I begin to wonder what he looks like now, will he have finally gotten taller? Or had he stopped using that silly little dagger yet? I smile as I do up my straps for holding my twin knives. I hope he has changed, but I hope it was back to how he used to be. Back to the man I'd known all my childhood. Not the monster I ran away from at sixteen.

As I head back through I hear something shift, but I see Isabel stood by the window I assume she just moved the chair or something. I nod my head and shrug on my coat. She takes the final bite of bread and turns to me with a strangely confident smile. This kid was weird.

"Ready to go missus?"

"Yeah, please call me Kat? I'm nobody's wife."

"Can I call you Kitty Kat?" she tilts her head and her auburn hair falls into her bright eyes. I smirk and nod, it didn't really matter. It wasn't like I was going to be seeing the kid beyond tonight. "By the way… thanks…"

"No problem, though maybe save the thanks till I've actually gotten you home?" I say nodding towards the door.

We make a move but then I hear that shifting noise again. Isabel had definitely not moved the chair this time. I tense and angle myself in front of the kid. Something is not right here. The hairs on the back of my neck stand up and I reach for my blades.

"Kid? You might need to make a jump through the window…"

"Why? We got trouble?" she asks, I look over my shoulder and see the fighting stance I taught Levi to do. I shiver a little, but look back to the matter in hand, our potential visitors. I might've been being paranoid, but as my instincts raged at me to be ready, I feared I wasn't. What was it now? Some ass trying to steal something? Pasen coming to get my 'final' answer to his lewd suggestions. Or my landlord trying to pretend he hadn't received my rent this month, despite the fact I'd owned the damn apartment for the past three years.

"I think so, kid… let me check. You stay here okay?"

"I can look after myself." She huffs, and I give a small smile.

"I'm sure you can, however, I don't fancy handing you back to Levi damaged."

She's about to argue but she backs down, smart kid. I then turn and reach for my door, a blade in the other hand as I brace for whatever's waiting behind the door. I tug open the door and grimace at the familiar face leering back at me. Shit, not today Pasen.

"Well hello my princess, and who do we have here? Entertaining? What good timing I have." The large man with bristles coming out his ears waddles across my threshold and I back up till I'm just in front of the kid again. This was definitely not good. And this asshole, very rarely travelled alone.

"Isa run." I don't want to use her full name in front of this swine. Unfortunately though, living with Levi had clearly made this kid more loyal than logical, she suddenly stands next to me, fists raised as though it'll make a blind bit of difference. "Kid, seriously, run the fuck away."

"Nah, I'm good thanks. What's this piggy want anyhow?"

"Piggy?" he repeats in a coarse laugh, striding inside with smoke coming from his pipe. I glance around, wondering where his damned greasy henchmen are. They better not break any furniture this time. "My dear little child, I am no pig. I am a business man, and one that this beautiful lady has been kept waiting."

"I told you a hundred times Piggy, I'm not interested."

"You really should reconsider my dear." He rumbles, lips pulling back slightly.

"I'd rather steal money than make it on my back."

"Then I'm sick of your games woman."

He loses all sense of forced charm, and gives a low growl as he produces a long baton made of steel. It glimmers in the pale light of my home and I shudder, the kid could not end up on the end of that thing. I then hear scrambling, and through three of my four windows climbs a henchman, each brandishing some kind of weapon. The only window free is the one in the kitchen. I edge back, taking Isabel with me as they advance.

"She said no Piggy, so leave!" shouts Isabel defiantly, I glance her way and feel a swell of pity. The kid was so attached to me already? This kid was well protected, I could tell. So that meant I had to try and keep that going. This world needed unbridled hope, and sincerity like hers.

I meet her eyes and glance backwards, towards the window, she grins and catches on.

"I'm sick of this woman teasing me whenever I see her, I won't have my face rubbed it in any longer! Either come work for me, or die here like the useless rat you are!"

"How the fuck do I tease you?" I snap, hoping to keep him riled up enough to not notice the remaining escape option. We just needed a little time. "I don't even speak to you if I can avoid it!"

"Exactly. Your very presence is an insult to me,"

"You're kidding right?"

"I feel myself losing money every time I see you waltz by all superior looking. You probably do earn money on that pretty little back, you just don't fancy following the rules like the other girls!"

"How dare you, you cretinously vile little weasel! And I am superior to you, you're just the filth that trickles along the gutter."

"Well you won't be so superior once I bash that little head in, will you?"

As his poisonous words spill out I'm looking at the other men; there's a bat, a length of pipe and one knife. I reckon I can deal with these idiots. I sheath my own weapon and stand straight, still edging back, but throwing them off with my confident stance. I have no idea if this'll work or not, but I can't let them get a hold of Isabel, she was a sitting duck for men like these. Such a pretty little thing, too easily attached to people that showed her even the smallest kindness. I couldn't let them sway her and manipulate her. I nudge her back and hope she makes a break for it.

"Come on then lads, give it your best fucking shot."

They growl and swarm.

I dodge the baton and kick Pasen in his large gut, sending him toppling backwards with shrill wails. Next is the length of pipe, quickly followed by the knife. I grab the pipe, wrench it out his hands after kicking his forearms hard, the cracking sound indicating I'd at least fractured if not broken them. I whip the pipe round and crack knife man round the jaw with it, he stumbles and drops the knife. But before I can get a hold of the blade, the bat swings round and catches my shoulder. I roll but keep moving for the knife. Then I hear the feral shriek of Isabel as she lunges and rides the bat wielding man's back, clawing at his face as they stumble around. I grab the pipe and shove it under his ribs, whilst removing the bat from his hands and cracking it off his stubbly jaw. Isabel then takes the bat, and holds it against his throat to choke him. Without pause I spin and reach for the knife, but it isn't there and I feel it slice into my back.

Well… shit. Air whooshes out of me but I know it hasn't hit a lung, it's too low for that. But it's bleeding badly already, blood dribbling onto my floor like good wine.

I grit my teeth against the irritating pain and spin, the man loses grip as my blood coats the handle and he stumbles. I tug the blade out, stand on his chest to quickly slice open his throat. By this point Piggy has righted himself and is about to come back through the door, he sees the bloodied knife and backs off a little. Baton shaking.

"If I ever see you again, pig, I will gut you myself. Stay out of my way, and I'll stay out of yours. Got it?" I growl, ignoring the fire burning up my back as blood seeps into my clothing. He gives a shaky nod and scurries away, grunting as he escapes with his pathetic life. I turn and go to Isabel who is still holding the bat guy in place, I look into his watery eyes and kick his jaw hard. I wonder if the snapping noise was his jaw or his neck, but I frankly don't care. This was my home dammit, my home!

"You all right kid?" she nods and I set about removing the bodies.

Who's alive and who isn't doesn't concern me right now, I just want them out. I tug the first two henchmen over to the back window, and shove them through, taking no heed of how they land in the street below. When it comes to Isabel's victim though I stumble a little, a shiver running through me. Woman, suck it up. I shake myself down and gesture her off, she's watching me closely, but I ignore her green eyes and throw him down with the others.

"Hey Kitty Kat? You okay there?" she asks as I toss their weapons down onto the pile of pieces of shit. I tug my drape back over the 'window' and then brush myself down. It was sweet that she seemed to care, but right now we had a job to do. And the longer it took me to return her, the less likely it was I'd be able to get back out of Levi's presence with my life. Be it because I couldn't outrun him from blood loss, or the sheer fury he felt. Either way, we had to hurry up. I'd had worse though, it wasn't going to kill me. At least there was a good 60% chance it wouldn't. The odds had been worse before. I grab a scarf from my cupboard and tie it round my waist. It'd clot up in no time.

"Let get going Isabel. But you did well, kid. Levi taught you well." I doff my non-existent hat to her and she gives an uneasy smile. But I turn and walk away before she can pester me, I don't know if she's the type to fuss, but I'm not all that willing to find out. "Move it kid!"

"H-hey wait up!" she comes running after me and soon we're making our way through the dim streets.

I keep a good pace and am amazed at the muscle memory that leads me. I've barely been concentrating on where I'm going, and mainly focusing on keeping my heartrate slow to avoid too much blood seeping out. But we're on track, we'd be there soon. The buildings are different, but the street layout is the same. Same gutters, same filth. The underground looked all the same to the untrained eye, but I knew I was heading back. I knew I was head ho—I knew I was leading Isabel home.

She keeps pace and stays quiet, kicking stones and skipping every few steps. She was just a kid. How had she ended up mixed in with Levi? If he had stayed the way he was, such a vibrant soul shouldn't be anywhere near him. Or was she an indication that my plan had worked? Had I managed to save him? I glance her way, wondering if she'd be willing to tell me a few things. I remember how she came and stood with me when those men threatened me, it seemed plausible she'd be open to talking.

"Isabel?"

"Yeah Kitty Kat?" she sing-songs, thwacking a pebble against a building with an odd smirk.

"How did you meet Levi?" as the question passes my lips I'm surprised at myself, that wasn't what I'd intended at all. But I keep it out there, watching for her to finished deducing whether or not she wanted me to know.

"I… I tried to get past the 11th stairwell without paying…"

"So you were on the run and he helped?"

"Yeah… I ended up at his and Farlan's place and… they helped me."

"Trying to live on the surface huh? Brave."

"Nah, I was trying to help a bird." She laughs and I stop dead, looking up for a moment before back at the kid, not quite believing what I'm hearing. She sees my confusion and blushes, shrugging and blowing the hair out of her face. "It wanted to fly… stop looking at me like that yeah? That's how Farlan and Levi-bro looked at me."

"Sorry I just… you got a good heart kid… that's not exactly common down here." I smirk and continue walking, finding my regard for this kid growing. It was worrying. "So what got you into the group?"

"I kinda asked in all honesty… I dunno they took pity on me I guess, or they were impressed, I dunno really. Merchants were after me so—"

"Levi protected you and never specified why… yeah… he does that. Good to know he still has that side to him, at least." I pause and gather my nerve, "How is Levi these days?" I try and sound non-chalant, but I'm not sure I accomplish my goal. She looks my way with narrowed eyes, smirk still in place. "Still a short-arse?"

"You're shorter than him Kitty Kat!" she laughs and slaps my shoulder, gasping a little when I wince. Thanks, kid. I wave it away with a smile and she continues, blushing at her forgetfulness. "He's good… I think… as much as Big Bro is anything other than being Big Bro. He's… wow it's been like forever since you've seen him huh?"

"Ten years I think." I feel an ache in my body and know time is against me these days. People didn't live to good ages down here, I wasn't hitting 30 down here. It was either get out, or get killed. I knew this. I just wasn't sure how I'd get out. I probably had enough for the stair-toll, but citizenship was a bitch to get hold of. If not impossible these days. Then again, getting killed wouldn't be so bad, it wasn't like I had a family to tend to. Not anymore. I frown as my thoughts delve into this dark place, it had become a habit of late. Was I really becoming so lost? I look down at my hands, they used to hold onto so much hope…

"Why… why did you leave Katsumi?" she asks walking a little closer to me, her head tilted like a begging pup. Well, shit, we got to that point did we? I want to brush it off and change the subject, but those green eyes are relentless. How could anyone say no to them? I put my hands in my pockets and purse my lips. "Big Bro never tells that story."

"What stories does he tell you? Before I tell you… I will." I say with a nod when she looks disappointed. It was partly curiosity, and partly time to brace myself against that memory. That day had been when my hands lost their grip on hope, that day had lead me down a very dark path. Ironic really considering the reason I'd left in the first place. I sigh and focus on her words.

"He tells all sorts when I bug him about it."

"I'll bet, he's great at telling stories."

"I like the one about how you used to be the best at fighting, taught him how to do it proper. Oh and then how you nicked the wrong guys wallet, and you both had to run for two days straight." She starts laughing at that one, holding her gut. I find myself almost joining in, that had been a crazy time. I wonder if he even smirks when telling that one. I'm hoping for her to keep going, but she just stares at me, and raises her eyebrows expectantly.

I sigh and delve into my silly past.

"I got sick of the fight." I murmur, not really sure where to begin. She was a kid, devoted to Levi, would she even understand the story from my point-of-view? She looks confused as we round another corner. I send a warning glance at a shady looking bloke who just kicked off a wall in our direction, he takes the hint and fucks off. I look back at my eager audience and shrug. "The constant fighting, the thieving with knives before we did it with stealth. He got so bloodthirsty by the end… like he was becoming…"

"Like he was becoming someone else?"

"Yeah…" I swallow, refusing to let this kid see my pain. Fuck it, I was as cold now as I ever had been. Time might have made me older, but it hadn't made me soft. The only time I ever had been soft was with him, when I'd cared too much.

"So I said I wanted out. I needed to try living instead of fighting. He called me so many things I forget… coward, traitor, liar, bitch… he hated that I could even imagine another way of living I guess… but I never really understood his rage. I had wanted him to come with me, but I didn't ask him too, I knew he couldn't do it. I think by the end, the rage was all he knew…"

It's my turn to kick a stone, only I lob it all the way down the street and I tense as I see the familiar corner come into view. This was it. We were here. The house is almost in view, then this bright little thing will run home, cheering and yelling to her family. I'll make sure she gets to the door, then I'll scarper.

"I don't get it Kitty Kat…"

"Don't get what Kid?" I ask, shaking my head to clear my thoughts. I didn't know how much longer I'd be standing upright in all honesty, the edges of my vision were already blurring. Her big green eyes, so open and easily read, bore into me and her lips dip down.

"Levi-bro is always helping us out, me and the others round here! I don't get what you mean by all this stuff about rage and... and…"

"If he's changed back, then I'm glad." I smile at her properly for the first time, relieved to hear something in him had come back. Though something in me ached. I'd always assumed it had been me making his days so dark, but never had it really confirmed till now. With me gone, he'd been able to find his good intentions again, to focus on the bigger picture.

As a shadow enters my vision I quickly nod forwards and Isabel realises where we are. A smile breaks her sweet young face, and she turns to beams at me. Those green eyes shine with gratitude before she throws her arms round my neck and hugs me tight. It hurts like hell and I sway a little, but I just make her think its part of the hug.

"Thank you so much Kitty Kat! I'm home!" she shouts, dancing between her feet. I smirk and ruffle her hair affectionately, the kid had a weird charm to her, I could see why Levi had taken her in. "Come in please I wanna—"

"Kid this isn't some sweet reconciliation." I shake my head and rock back on my heels, about to turn and leave when I feel something hit my shoulder before my back is pinned to the ground and my head smacks off the cobbles. "Shitting Titans…" I grumble, the wound on my back and the fresh one on my skull screaming at me.

Hello old friend, not so nice to see you too.

"Where the hell have you been Isabel?"

"I got lost Big Bro!" she says trying to tug him off, bit of course she makes no difference to the way he constricts my throat and pins me down with his body. I'm meeting his gaze head on, not about to be the one to look away first. But he looks down with absolutely nothing there. Only a dim flame of anger. But otherwise it's dead as he looks down at me for the first time in almost a decade. It's been a long time since I felt it, but my heart aches a little. Nothing?

"Isabel go in the house." He mutters, tightening his hold over my throat a little. I feel like he's going to enjoy this a lot. Maybe he's been planning how he'll do it for all these years. Meticulously planning how to make it last for days. Torturing me the way he probably thinks I did him. Then again he might just snap my neck here in the street, be done with it.

"Please let her go! She helped me get home, and she's hurt!"

"I don't give a fuck. She knows what's going to happen." He snarls down into my ear, raising me up a little, to thrash me back into the cobbles. Lovely. "I told you never to bother coming back, you knew this was what was waiting for you."

"Good to see you too, sweetheart." I mumble as consciousness slips a little. "I just wanted to get the kid back home. Nothing else."

"What did you do to her?"

"Fuck off, pipsqueak." I spit in his face and feel him press down on my windpipe. I was in no position to be this sassy with him, but I wasn't about to let him colour me the absolute villain. I had my reasons for leaving, but that didn't make me evil. To insinuate I would harm the girl was enough to make my blood boil, and it was. I knew he hated me, but had he really forgotten who I was?

"Levi-Bro please!" wails the kid and I smile faintly as my eyes roll back, oblivion impatient for me to enter its numb void. I don't know if its blood-loss or the fact I must have a couple concussions. But the numbness is welcome. Only it's short-lived. I'm slapped back into the waking world. Dammit man, let me sleep, or die, whatever the hell I was about to do there.

"I'm waking her up, Isabel, stop hitting me." He grunts, no longer on top of me as I wearily look around and feel air fill my burning lungs. Must have been the concussions sending me to sleep then, I feel myself grow more aware, and into more pain. I groan and roll over to get up, but just slump back down. Blood oozes past my scarf binding and I curse under my breath.

"See, she's hurt." The kid almost says this triumphantly, putting her hands under my arms and helping me up. I can't see much so I just lean on her, shaking my head to encourage sight back into the situation. "She got attacked by some pig man, wanted her to sell or something. She protected me Big Bro!"

"You don't need the likes of her looking after you."

"But still! She did!"

"You seriously got mixed up with Jargen?" he asks, not looking my way. I try and stand straight but mainly wobble in Isabel's hold.

"No, I killed Jargen seven years ago you prick." I hiss, flipping him the bird and trying to take some more of my own weight, to only stumble all over again. Fuck it, this was pathetic. Ten years and he'd still think I needed looking after. "This was Jargen's second hand, dunno if you recall him?"

"Pasen?"

"That's the delightful gentlemen," I mumble, feeling the world numb again. "Could you slap me again? Feeling a little slee—"

He didn't need to be asked twice apparently.

I rub my jaw and feel my head fizz before my eyes finally clear. I touch my forehead and nod at him. He hasn't changed much; still wearing that stoic mask, and still that undercut with dark raven hair falling in front of his steel eyes. Still handsome, and still a short little prick. But he's less harsh. He looks more like he did back then, back before I started to ruin him.

"Thanks, much better." Though I feel the tingles begin at the back of my skull again. Fuck sake. Then again, I had to take into account I'd probably been gradually losing blood for the past hour or so.

"Don't mention it, seriously." He mutters, looking to Isabel and scrunching his nose slightly as he watches her hold me up. "Let it go Isabel, let it crawl back to its hideaway."

"She can't be left alone like this!"

"She isn't coming in."

"She is!"

"She isn't. She's going home."

"She's coming inside."

"She's passing out." I don't know who the third speaker is, a blonde blob came into view before I sink to my knees and feel the ground give me a big sloppy kiss. Ow. "Help me bring her inside, Isabel. Move out the way Levi. Stop scowling, she's hurt and clearly helped Isa—"

"Whatever."

I feel two sets of hands lift me up and jostle me inside. The place even smells the same. I'm first laid on the wooden floor, and that'd suit me fine, but then something soft is underneath me. Oh they were in for it now. A door closes, but I hear yelling far off. He wasn't a happy bunny. I give in and let sleep take me, it was getting impatient with me.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.
> 
> Spoilers for Choice With No Regrets OVA, but don't assume you know what's coming, i generally take my own way with these things, however the BASIC structure to the sequence of plot will generally remain in tact. Timings may be out though.
> 
> This chapter is still more focused on Katsumi and Levi's past, but the next one is when the story gets really going. I just really wanted to set them up properly and get the foundations well done. I would also point out, I am still in the process of acquiring "ACWNR" and have only watched the OVA, so I have filled in certain gaps myself. So if there are things that are not in the OVA apologies, but this is a FANfiction, so its likely to have discrepancies anyway! Plus I generally follow my own tune in these sort of things anyway!
> 
> Hope you enjoy, leave a review, like or follow, all are appreciated!

I stand and watch as Levi, 18 years old and full of fire, pummels the man who just tried to steal my bag. It was a simple thing, in the Underground it was like saying 'good morning', but the rage broils in Levi's eyes as he kicks the man into submission. I feel afraid. Not of the man getting up, and not of the man somehow getting up and hurting Levi. No my fear came closer to home. I swallow hard as I accept the fact I feel fear of him, I'm afraid of Levi. I understood in that moment, what that weird feeling in the back of my mind had been for the past few months. It had been this same fear, but I'd denied it till now.

I began to back away, my hand to my mouth as I tried to not cry. I didn't want to admit it, but I'd started to not recognise the man I loved. Bit by bit his heart was turning dark, and I felt him grow distanced to me. It had been a slow process, but this latest outburst seemed to highlight it all with stark clarity. He fought for me, he protected me, despite the fact I didn't need protecting, but he never looked at me with anything other than duty. His burden of protection had taken over everything. I understood I was shit at most things, but I could handle myself fairly well in a fight. Dammit, I taught him how to fight, and yet now I wish I hadn't. I'd given him claws.

"He's had enough!" I snap, swallowing my tears and shoving him away from the puddle of blood. He turns to me and bares his teeth. Can he even see, it's me? I glance down at the man, or what's left of him, then back to Levi as he fails to regain composure. He's open, like a fresh wound, his rage bleeding out for all the world to see. My heart quickens.

"He tried to rob you Kat!"

"So what?" I cry throwing my hands up in the air. Can't he see the ridiculousness of all this? Doesn't he know the hypocrisy of his words? My mind whirls at the idea he is this lost. I'd let him slip away, and now had to deal with the monstrous husk of a man left behind. "We rob people all the fucking time! Let's just go home, please?"

"I won't let him think he can hurt you."

"He can't! I can look after myself, and you damn well know it."

"Yes, but—"

"Since when did I become your charge? Let's go, please?" I tug on his hand and let my desperation enter my voice. It takes a minute or two, but he sighs heavily, gives the man one more kick, and then follows me home. But he takes his hand back roughly. Like he can't stand to be seen being attached to another human being. As though he's ashamed of me. I cast this thought from my mind, he probably didn't want anyone knowing of our connection, in case they used it against him. I was sure that was it. It had to be.

"You had no right to stop me." He growls, looking to the floor angrily, he doesn't even seem able to look my way as he grumbles along. I hear his words and let them hang on the quiet breeze. Someone whistles a few streets over, the quiet letting it drift far and wide.

"No right?" I repeat, looking up a little as I try and understand. But as we get home and I pass under the threshold, a few feet scamper around above but soon fall silent again, my mind remains clouded. Damn kids. I put my bag down, and begin unpacking what we'd gotten on our run. It was a decent haul today, but not worth half killing a man over.

"No right…" I say it again as I empty the bag and lean against the counter.

"What're you muttering about?" he's already sharpening his blade again, like he's desperate to get back out there. Desperate to be killing. It was becoming a weird kind of addiction. I felt like he was turning into Kenny, and as soon as the thought forms fully in my head I gag a little and tremble. God no.

"I had no right to stop you?" I say it louder now. He pauses in his work.

"What're you on about, brat?"

"Back there… you said I had no right to stop you. How the hell do you figure that?"

"It's my job to look after—"

"Fuck off!" I roar, slamming my hand against the counter-top.

He jolts upright and almost enters his fighting stance. I stare at him, looking him up and down as he slowly uprights himself again. His eyes are downcast and I'm damned glad, he at least knows that was a fucked up reaction. Entering his fighting stance, like I was just another enemy, waiting to be taken down.

I take it in, what he's become.

His skin is littered in bruising, dark smudges of dirt appear all over, his hair is in disarray and hasn't been washed in days, and his shirt is ripped in parts, hanging off his shoulders, exposing his scarred chest. His bruised eyes finally look at me, and where once I saw love, I only see contempt.

He hates that I'm questioning him.

He hates that I'm not thankful.

Perhaps he even hates me now?

We used to be happy, we had a hard life, but we made it good. We made it decent. With Levi I'd felt safe, wanted, appreciated. It was something I'd never know before knowing him, and I'd always been grateful for him showing me such devotion. I showed said gratitude by giving a similar devotion back. But now? Now I didn't know who this was, the man who treated me like some delicate burden he was dutifully protecting. Like I was a chore. But a chore driving him to do evil things, like it was that or he failed.

I feel sick.

But it might not be too late, and I cling to the hope I can still fix this. That I can still fix my failings. I pick up my bag, and sling it over my shoulder. He watches me, something flashing in his darkened eyes. I can't read them though, suddenly the walls are up, but now I'm outside them all of a sudden. I'm the enemy. I feel my heart ache as I realise I have to leave, if it was this duty turning him dark, I had to leave. I had to get away from him, and let him see the light again.

I couldn't be the burden that dragged him lower than the hell we lived in.

I couldn't do that to him.

"I can't do this anymore, I can't let you do this to yourself."

My voice holds nothing; no regret, no pain, no love.

But inside?

I'm screaming. I'm throwing shit all over the place as I comprehend having to live alone, I'd always been with Levi. It was all I knew. And now I was poisoning him with that connection. I was killing his goodness, and my heart breaks clean in two as I remember how good he was. When we first met, when we first began to know each other. So much light had been in his eyes, those heavy lidded and deeply beautiful eyes. And I'd sucked the life out of him. His need to protect me, had made him forget to protect himself. The Underground was a poisonous place, and if you weren't careful, it claimed you. My heart then shatters completely, as I accept the fact it's me that has turned him to this. I had driven the shadows into his heart and lit the flame of rage.

His need to look after me was turning him into a monster.

"You can't do what? What am I doing to myself?" his nose wrinkles and he takes a step towards me, but I just take it backwards. His eyes narrow, but he just waits for me to speak. I swallow hard and try and find an explanation. My throat burns a little.

"You're so… angry all the time. I don't know who the hell you are anymore."

"What? You know me better than—"

"Yeah, I used to. But now? You look at me like I'm some kind of chore to cross off a fucking list! And in order to cross me off that list you have to be violent, you have to hurt people for me."

"What're you—"

"I-I'm done. I can't keep fighting the whole world, even if it doesn't feel like fighting me. I'm… I'm tired Levi… I can't." I head for the door, but he grabs my wrist, spinning me back round, and pinning me there. He leans closer till we're a millimetres apart, I feel his hot breath against my skin and I shiver. I'd always love him, but I couldn't let him turn into Kenny. Not because of me. "Let me go, Levi. Th-This is for the best. You can stop worrying about me and—"

"Shut up." He snaps, thumping his fists against the door. His mouth is then pressed into a thin line. When his eyes finally meet mine, I only see the cold determination I'd identified earlier. Even when this close to me, in such a position, it's like I'm a bag full of money that he needs to guard. Precious to him, but only in a cold way. "You're not leaving."

"And why not?"

"You can't." he growls, a snarl warping his lips for a moment. I feel like he just gave me an order. As though he doesn't want me to stay because he cares, but because it'll be too troublesome for him to tend to me from far away. Then I realise it isn't even that. He doesn't think I can do this without him. My pride flares and I make my own snarl.

"Can't? Ordering me around now too? Well sorry Kenny but I'm not—"

"Shut up!"

"No!" I shove him back, and he stumbles a bit. "Why're you so angry? We used to be happy didn't we?"

"We were delusional." He hisses, looking to the side, eyes downcast again. I want to reach out and cup his cheek, I want to kiss him and try to remind him of how intimate we used to be, how he used to hold me and whisper my name. But I don't. My pride and stubborn heart hold me back, and fix my mask. He glances my way and sees it sealing into place. His eyes flash again. "This world is cruel, and we were kidding ourselves, Kat. You just couldn't see it, till now."

"Fine, shit all over the past we had." I say, wiping away the stray tear escaping. "But I'm not staying around to watch you become a monster, and I'm not going to let it be because of me." I shake my head at him as I open the door. He sucks a breath in between his teeth, and I head through the threshold, feeling my body turn to ice as I descend the small stoop.

"Don't you dare pretend this is for my benefit." He growls, coming after me as I begin to traipse along the cobbled street. Fresh tears prickle my eyes like cold needles, but I fight them back, clenching my fists by my side as he roars after me. "If you walk away now I will never think of you again. Hear me?!"

I don't respond.

"You selfish bitch! You coward! You traitor!"

"I'm sorry! I'm so sorry!" I can't help but shout it out, hanging my head as I realise the hole I'm creating in my life. But I had to do this for him, I had to free him.

"Go on, fuck you, fuck off you liar!"

I'd never heard this kind of rage coming out of his mouth. In actions, yes, many times. But not in his voice. And certainly never aimed at me. Yet I feel his glare burning into my back, I feel it grip me and squeeze the life from me. Hate me Levi, but stop poisoning your heart, just let me go and remember who you were. Please.

"If I ever see your face again I will kill you myself, you ungrateful whore!"

His words die out as the distance grows, and the little pieces of my heart are blown away into the muck beneath me. I pound my feet onwards, desperate to create as much space as possible. If I made more distance perhaps I'd be able to breathe? As I reach the end of the street I stop and look back, he's stood there outside the house. I can't tell if it's just the distance, but it almost looks like he's on his knees? I shake my head; that was just my imagination feeding on my hope. He wasn't broken. He was free.

But it didn't matter how far I went.

I didn't breathe properly for years.

As the dream swirls out of my reach, I wonder if I ever breathed properly again.

I jolt awake and stare upwards. My breathing calms and I'm left listening to the pathetic thumping of my panicked chest. It was a frequent dream, but it had seemed all the more vivid being back here. In such familiar walls, I felt my mind rebel against me, determined to make me remember it all. For ten years I'd walked alone, and ignored the confused looks of those that once knew me as Levi's Katsumi. He had never owned me, he had never claimed to, but that's what I was to them. It took years for them to see me as anything else. Not that this mattered much. It merely stung to hear his name so often. It kept the wounds open, kept them fresh and searing whilst I tried to get on with life. I think back to my little apartment, with its lonely little kitchen and bedroom. I had been existing. I wasn't sure it counted as living anymore.

Well no, that was perhaps a bit melodramatic. I sit upright and rub my face. I had to at least check in tomorrow, or Chia would begin to wonder where I was. It would be a couple days before she worried, but the woman hardly needed extra woes. I wonder how she's doing, but then I stop myself. There was no point fretting myself into a frenzy. She was fine, the kids were fine, they were up on rent, and they were well stocked for food. It was fine. Then my bones ache. Fine wasn't really enough. Down here, you could be fine, but still end up with useless legs and then no means of moving around. In the damned sunlight, that was where Humans were meant to be. Not down here in the eternal gloom. It messed with people's health. I yawn widely, the work never ended.

I sigh and get up, groaning a little as my back aches. It would take a while to heal, but I could get home like this. The dreariness had worn off, and the room only spun slightly. I'd get out from under his roof before he woke-up, and threw me out. I was grateful to Isabel and Farlan for bringing me in, but wasn't about to let them get into further trouble with Levi. Not for the likes of me. I grab my jacket and shrug it on, along with my boots. The house is quiet, and I think it must be the middle of the night as no sound comes from the outside world. The Underground never really sleeps, but it seemed to be at least dozing at present.

Somehow I seem to remember all the creaky floorboards as I tip toe around the noisy bastards, keeping silent as I approach the front door. There's no light on anywhere in the house and as I grasp the door handle I can't help but pause. Nostalgia washes over me and I grit my teeth, don't you dare woman. Keep it together till you get home. But as I breathe in the oh-so-familiar smell of my home I feel my eyes warm up, and the damned tears escape. I let a singular sob choke out of me before I raise my head and hang it back, forcing the tears to stay behind my eyes. This was not the place for them to be shed.

"Where the hell do you think you're going?"

I tighten my hold on the handle and hold my breath. His voice is steady, monotonous, but demanding all the while. I glance over to the shadowed kitchen, where his voice rumbled over from. He's already seen the tears fall, so there wasn't much point in hiding them. I let go of the handle and turn to him a little, watching him sip from a cup in that odd way he did. I smirk. Some things, thankfully, never changed.

"I asked you a question, idiot."

"I wanted to get out before you woke… didn't think you'd want to wake with me still hanging around." I whisper, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"Without bothering to thank the other two? Nice."

"I didn't want you blaming them for me lingering." I explain, leaning against the door and folding my arms. He sips his tea and shrugs.

"Not their fault you got yourself hurt. They bound you up pretty good, must feel better than it did."

I think that was a thinly veiled attempt at asking how I was. I shift my weight and give a half-hearted smile. I feel like I'm treading on eggshells, on thin black ice, above a fire-pit of death. One wrong word and he'd probably pin me to the floor again, and I couldn't be sure the other two would hear, or bother to come intervene. I hated being afraid of him. But I still was. I still didn't know if the darkness still lingered, just waiting on an excuse to be unleashed.

And if it was unleashed, I didn't fancy finding out if my own darkness was a match.

In the ten years I had tried to free him, and let him find the light, I'd found myself becoming further muddied by darkness. Once alone, a woman had to be extra tough to endure in these harsh streets. I knew I was tainted now, but it only backed up my original reason for leaving.

I turned good things to shit.

"It's a lot better, my vision is almost back to completely normal."

"Must've bled a fair bit."

"I've had worse, we've all had worse." I say with a careful shrug, he nods in approval.

I notice there's still steam rising from the small, cracked teapot next to him. The silence continues, and his expression remains blank. I head over, keeping a close eye on his reaction. There is none. I grab a cup from the cupboard and pour myself some tea, all the while feeling him watch me closely. He probably wonders how I remember where everything is. In truth I do too. I spent so long trying to forget all these little details, yet now it was all second nature. I take a couple steps away and lean back, he now watches with a small frown and continues to drink his tea.

"I'm not actually going to hurt you." He sighs, shaking his head as though I'm an idiot. I shrug and sip the tea, it's bitter and not the good stuff, but the warmth was comforting. I'm glad he said it though, it dulls my fear and increases my shame of feeling it. Doubt wasn't something I enjoyed, but it wasn't something I was immune to either.

"Can't blame me for being cautious… well you can, but you shouldn't. You did tackle me to the ground when laying eyes on me." I look into the tea-cup, but see him turn to the window and sigh. It sounded tired, very tired.

"Why did you help her?"

I'm caught off-guard by the question, but soon gather my thoughts. Surely he knew why, surely he hadn't actually completely warped his memories of me with his hate?

"She was alone, and upset, she happened to be slumped by a wall just down the way from my house. Purely a chance encounter."

"Hm…"

"I'm also not as much of a heartless bitch as you think." I add sternly, meeting his gaze head-on when he eventually turns. "Plus she didn't even mention you, till after I'd taken her home for some food."

"You fed her?" he repeats, his frown deepening. I click my tongue.

"Yeah, weird isn't it? A normal human reaction to an upset kid."

"Not normal for down here." He again shakes his head, and I smirk a little.

"Hence why I said, human reaction, not Underground reaction."

"Did it make you not want to help her? Knowing she was affiliated with me?" he asks, again not looking my way. In an odd sense it comes across as shy, almost anxious. But I doubt my ability to read him now, there was no way he felt anxious about my opinion. Perhaps it was anxiety over what his name meant for Isabel?

"No, you prat." I huff, draining the mug and setting it on the counter, staring down at the surface as I remember the last time I touched it. The way I slammed my hand down, outraged at his obnoxiousness, and twisted mind-set. I glance at him, and find him watching me again. He seemed to have improved. He seemed to be doing fairly well. I begin to hope that my absence had actually worked.

"She was stupid to tell you though." He muses and I nod, well aware that had any of his enemies found out they had one of his 'brats' in such a vulnerable position, they'd have used it to get at Levi. But Isabel was young, she was allowed to be a little foolish still. Even here. "You shouldn't have got her involved with Pasen."

"I didn't." I snap, having wondered when I'd get berated for that. As though I was somehow magically able to teleport the kid out of the way, when the creature turned up at my house unannounced. He raises a brow and I raise one back. "He turned up out of the blue, I told the kid to run, but she stuck around for some reason. Not my fault. Plus I did my best to protect her, so take the judgement and shove it—"

"If you knew he was after you, you shouldn't have even—"

"Let her inside? Right… so on the vague off-chance that he might finally turn up, after a good month, and a half, of silence, I should have left the kid outside alone and hungry. Great use of logic there, Levi, just great." I snort and fold my arms across my chest, he knew I was right. He just wanted an excuse to berate me. He finishes his tea and sets the cup down a little harder than necessary. An awkward silence takes over the room, and I look to the front door again.

"Look, Levi… I'm not expecting this to be some happy reunion, thanks for letting me stay and get some strength back, but I won't tread on your toes any longer. You never have to see me again, all right? Just like before. Just let Isabel know, and Farlan too, that I'm grateful for their help."

But as I move to head for the door, he grabs my wrist. I gasp and shudder at the sudden contact, his skin is still warm from holding his tea-cup. I look at his hand for a few seconds, remembering how I used to intertwine my fingers with his, how those fingertips used to graze across my cheekbones, and push the hair from my face. It seemed like a life-time ago. The silence drags on and I feel my heartbeat quicken a little. He seemed to be undecided about something.

"Do you ever regret it?"

"What? I have plenty to potentially regret, Levi." I say, stepping back a little, to alleviate the pressure of his hold on my thin wrist. Ow. He grits his teeth and ponders for a few moments, before licking his lips and drawing a deep breath. It's only then that I smell liquor on his breath. It was more than tea he'd been drinking. At least that explained the talkativeness.

"Meeting me, staying with me as long as you did."

"Where the hell has this come from?" I almost reach out to place a hand to his cheek, but then I remember who the hell I'm dealing with. This isn't my Levi anymore. I don't know what Levi I'm dealing with in all honesty. He looks me in the eye and I lean back from the intensity. It's as though he's trying to look right through me. "Levi? What's this about?"

"Just answer the damn question, idiot."

"Well as you asked so nicely…" I scoff, tugging my arm back. He leans back against the counter and pinches the bridge of his nose. "I only ask where the question came from, because it's a damned stupid question."

"Excuse me?"

"Why would I regret having known you? You're the one that decided all the happy times we shared, were just foolish naivety. I never said shit about that. I'd never regret us Levi, you damned moron of a man."

"Then why did you never come back?" he mutters, almost too low for me to hear, but I catch it. His eyes flash to me again. I have no idea why he suddenly wants to know this, after ten years of silence and hatred, but I feel the need to point out the most obvious of all the reasons I carry on my shoulders. I tilt my head and look him up and down slowly, ensuring he is fully and completely aware of his current state of ridiculousness. His expression darkens as my intent sinks in, but before he can bite my head off, I do in fact, answer him.

"The death threat? Ring any bells? You did say you'd kill me if I ever did come back, you bag of hammers."

"Don't be a dumbass."

"Force of habit by now."

"You can't really have thought I would have?" it's his turn to look me up and down in disdain and disbelief. Only it doesn't work on me. He may be oblivious to the fact, but back then, in amongst his obsession and bloodlust, I very much believed he might have. His ignorance is worrying. I square up to his judgemental look and set my jaw. If he wanted this all out in the open, he was going to get the whole shebang. I just hoped he was ready to face his demons. In fact, I hoped I was too.

"I knew the Levi I met when I was a kid, wouldn't have. But that wasn't who you were when you made those threats. It's like I said at the time Levi, I didn't know you, you were—"

"If you don't regret it, how could you stay away so easily?"

"Nothing about the past ten years has been easy, Levi." I reply quietly, hoping he notices and brings his own voice back down to just above a whisper. This was our shit, and no one else had to know about it. I'm unsure of how drunk he is, and similarly unsure of how he'll react to my words, so I really don't need him riled up.

He gives a knowing nod and clicks his tongue, his eyes momentarily looking up to the ceiling. I realise that this is what he's worried about, this entire conversation had very little to do with our past. Instead, it was about the past potentially repeating itself, and him wanting to know how to avoid it.

"How did you just bail?"

"You make it sound like I abandoned you." I murmur, uneasy at the amount of pain I can hear in his voice. I was prepared for rage, I was ready for hate, but I hadn't expected pain. I had never thought he would let me see the fact I'd hurt him. I blame the drink. Levi always guarded his wounds well, that had even been the case before the shadows entered his heart.

"Didn't you?"

"Only after you kept pushing me away. You may think I abandoned you but—"

"You left me here to deal with this shitting hell on my own, it was like nothing we'd done even mattered to you."

"Like I said before, it was you that decided our past meant fuck all. You threw our past on the fire. Not me."

"If it meant so much to you, how could you walk away?" he hisses, "Help me understand. Because I still can't, and it's a damned decade later! Just… dammit, brat… just tell me why?"

Whatever was going on between him and his two comrades, may have had echoes of what went on between us in the past. But it didn't make me accountable. I had only done what I thought was right. I look at the floor, realising that it might be time I explained why I left. If anything, it might stop this self-pity. It really didn't suit him.

"Levi… I was turning you into a monster."

"I still don't know what the fuck that's meant to mean. You said something like that then too, like I was hurting you, when all I did every damn day was protect your sorry ass."

"Exactly. That's all you fucking did."

"Go on."

"Somewhere between loving me, and looking after me, it became a chore, a duty, and it was consuming you. It just made you blood-thirsty. I couldn't just stand by and watch as I turned you into—" I stop myself, he sighs and runs his hands through his hair.

"Maybe you'd just been ignoring my blood-thirstiness till then? Maybe I was always a monster." He looks to the side, face clouded by something I can't place. Regret? Shame? I knew Levi hated to dwell on his past, on where he had come from. But I also knew he'd broken free of it, risen above it, proven his worth despite all that. And that had been what I'd sought to protect. I stride over to stand in front of him, and I grab his chin. He snarls a little but I hold steady, an old ache reappearing in my chest.

"No, I know you weren't. And you don't seem to be now either."

"Maybe you're just shit at reading me."

"Well according to you, I know you pretty well. So shut it. Along with the fact that Isabel was confused when I mentioned your rage to her. So she's obviously never witnessed it."

I can't help but let the smile take over a little. His eyes watch my lips for a few seconds before flickering back up to mine, narrowing a little in suspicion. I wonder if he thinks I'm mocking him.

"Look… go ahead and hate me Levi, but if my leaving worked? If me leaving you brought you back to the man I knew, and grew up with? Then I'm glad I left. And from what I've seen? There's a lot more light in you, than dark, these days. So I wouldn't worry, they're not going anywhere." I let go of his chin, and begin to back away. "You three seem to have a good thing going here, I'm just glad I was able to bring Isabel home."

"You really think it worked? You really think they'd stay?"

"Appears it to me."

"Why?"

"For one thing, you haven't sharpened your blade once whilst we've talked, you used to do it at every single opportunity." I stop walking, and smirk as he touches the knife that sits in his belt strap. Always on hand, just in case.

"How is it you seem to know me so fucking well, yet I feel like I don't know you at all?"

"Maybe I'm all insightful, whilst you're an ignorant fuckwit?" I suggest with a shrug, and I could have sworn I just saw a smirk. The ache in my chest dies away a little, and I take a deeper breath.

"It's a pretty fucked up world isn't it?" he looks back out the window and I watch him, I know something has triggered this. Something has him all thoughtful and philosophical. This was far from the norm for him.

"Always has been, Levi. So… you gonna tell me what sprung this open-mindedness? Or do I have to guess?"

He walks over to the window and leans over the sink, looking up as though expecting to gaze at the stars. But there's nothing but darkness. The black of the overhanging dirt and rock that holds the rest of society far above us. Both literally, and metaphorically. I head over and take my old place, by his side. I don't bother looking out the window though, I'm well aware of the dank darkness waiting to stare back. Instead I look at him, and wait for him to answer. I knew he would, if he was willing to finally hear me out, he must be willing to discuss this.

"I may have a chance at getting them out." He says, drumming his fingers against the counter-top. I swallow hard, realising why he was so determined to keep them around. If he was close to freeing them, to actually making their lives better, he couldn't risk pushing them away. Living up top. That was the dream - the ultimate goal, for anyone stuck down here in the gutter of gutters.

"But?"

"But…" he clenches his jaw and looks at me sideway, "But I don't need to tell you any of this. Stay till the morning, then leave if you want. We may have patched this shit up but… that doesn't mean—"

"It's not an instant fix, really? I'm so shocked, usually you're so good at letting grudges go Levi." I half-laugh, rolling my eyes at him and leaning on the counter. "I'm well aware we're a long way off friends Levi, however, I think it can be said we have a mutual understanding. As well as experience, for common ground. Let me help? If I can…"

"How could you help? You've been flying solo for the past ten years." He continues to look out the window. My heckles rise a little at his assumption.

"No, I've just not been with you for ten years. That doesn't mean I'm stuck going solo. We all have our shit to deal with, we all have our responsibilities. So let me at least see if I can help?" I gently nudge him and he purses his lips, narrowing his eyes at the window as though choosing which door to go through. Left or right, to tell or not to tell. I wait and let him choose, there was no point in pushing any further. It never worked.

"I have the chance to get them up top. But there's a big fucking shit of a catch."

"How big of a shit?"

"Colossal shit." He mutters and I blow out my cheeks. "Colossal and dangerous shit."

"Well I assumed, not many things colossal are cute and fuzzy." I twiddle my thumbs together and nudge him again. "You know you need to do it. If it was a certain shit-storm, you wouldn't be considering it. And if there's a chance you can get out there, and it'll all pay off? You know you have to take it, Levi. I can't say much for Farlan, I don't know the man. But Isabel? She's not meant to be cooped down here with the rats."

"Yeah… I know…"

"She told me how she met you and Farlan."

"Crazy, brat."

"But you did always like them odd." I snigger and scrape my hair back, yawning again. "I get that you don't want to give me details, and judging from the size of the shit you mentioned, I probably don't want the details… but… you know what you're capable of Levi. If you think there's a chance, take it."

"And what if I live to regret it?" He fiddles with the knife's handle, still staring out the window as though hoping the answer will fly by on angel's wings. I groan and feel the nostalgia wash over me all over again. The man acted so stoic, so calmly collected, and yet really he was in constant doubt over himself.

"You won't. You'll live knowing you gave it your best damned shot."

"I guess so…"

"Now then, were you serious when you told me to go back to bed?"

"Why wouldn't I have been?" he sighs, pushing off the counter and walking towards the couch where he sits heavily, and leans back. As he sits with one leg over the other, and arms draped over the back of the seat, I smile a little broader. A creature of habit. When he looks to me with question, I just raise my hands and shrug my shoulders.

"Just checking… didn't want to push my luck."

"You brought Isabel home, I can't just let you wander off and bleed to death. Idiot."

"It stopped bleeding."

"For now. Knowing you, you'll get it going again. It's a damn miracle you found her though, it's pretty much the worst possible time for her to get herself lost. Could have killed the damned brat myself when I realised she was gone."

"Why's it so bad right now?" I ask, but notice his eyes tighten, I then nod and raise my hands again. "Guessing it's to do with the big poop?"

He nods.

"Keeping my nose out. Although… why did it take you so long to realise she wasn't with you anymore?"

He stares at me for a solid minute, but this time I don't let it drop. I hold his gaze without faltering. I knew Levi, and his powers of observation, and between here and my house was a fair old slog. They had to be travelling by something other than foot, to lose track of Isabel and get that far away before noticing.

"You got gear." I whisper, and grin as he narrows his eyes at my perceptiveness. He always hated it when I did that. I wink and tap the side of my nose. He's always wanted a set, and now he had it. I wonder how well he flew. Then my grin broadens, I bet he was damned magnificent.

"Nearly got three people killed, but yeah, we got it." He shrugs, but I see the proud smile attempting to break through. He then nods my way and tilts his head. "Never thought to try and get yourself some?"

"I make do with old fashioned rope and hook. Pretty good at it too…" I begin to walk out, but pause by the door heading to the bedrooms. I glance over my shoulder, about to ask a question I'm fairly sure will be shot down immediately, but I find him smirking at me.

"I might teach you."

I nod, and doff my non-existent hat to him.

"Good night, short-stack."

"Good night, brat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you enjoy, leave a review, like or follow, all are appreciated!


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.
> 
> Spoilers for Choice With No Regrets OVA, but don't assume you know what's coming, i generally take my own way with these things, however the BASIC structure to the sequence of plot will generally remain in tact. Timings may be out though.

When I open my eyes I feel groggy. I'm unsure how long I've slept, but judging from the dryness of my mouth, I'd say quite a while. I head towards the living room. I smile and go to the kitchen, running a hand along the countertop. I think back to all the meals I made here, dishing up for two instead of one. The cupboards are well stocked, and I grin at the pack of loose tea leaves. Real tea. How hard had he fought for that? I wonder why he didn't have it last night, then again he may save it for special occasions. I snigger as I remember his face when I first stole him real tea, it had been our third year anniversary. So much joy had been in this house back then. I shiver and consider the quiet wrong, there were always feet running around, or voices outside when I lived here. Where had all the voices gone? As I go to stand by the window I notice a scrap of paper.

What's this?

"Gone on a supply run Kitty Kat, be back soon. Help yourself to food!"

I smile and take her up on the offer as I nibble on some dried biscuits. I never needed much in the morning, but I wasn't so sure it was morning in all honesty. The light in the Underground told you nothing.

I wash my face and scrape back my brown hair, it's in a mess as it tumbles down to my shoulders, but I didn't bring a tie with me. I sigh, soon finding myself with nothing to do. They had been gone a while, that was clear. I felt like an intruder in the house all of a sudden, and shrugged on my coat that I found by the front door. I run a hand along the front door and smile again. I'd wait for them, I wanted to say thank you before saying good bye.

Isabel and Farlan seemed to have done a world of good for him. I wasn't sure, but Farlan seemed a lot closer to us in age than Isabel. But whether he was a brat or not, he seemed to understand Levi pretty well. That in itself was a major point in his favour. He also seemed fairly trustworthy, so that helped ease my mind also.

As I go to sit on the couch, I get this feeling in my gut.

It's definitely not morning, it doesn't feel like morning at all. They must've gone early, that was when Levi liked to go do jobs. But they had clearly been gone too long. I click my tongue and know I have to go looking, my mind won't let me rest now that I've thought there might be trouble. My head was difficult that way; calm and collected, but as soon as I even considered there being danger, it went haywire. Damn brain didn't know when to quit. I sigh, either I go looking, or I sit on that sofa wrestling the knot in my gut. It clenches and I know that isn't a real option.

I grab my twin blades and fix them into their holster. Hopefully they wouldn't be needed, but then again, they probably would. They graze a little against my wound, but it's bound up well and healing. It'll be fine. I head out, and look around, where the hell would they go? I head towards me and Levi's old route, but I'm not confident it'll still apply.

Unless the merchants were really that stupid.

As I get further into the underbelly of the Underground, I hear a commotion, people whispering and glancing over their shoulders. Talk of some kind of chase. My heart pounds. No, not now, not when he was so close to getting himself, and the two of them out.

Damned Military Police.

I run through the crowd and stop in my tracks, heart in my mouth. Levi stands grasping 3DMG blade away from himself, and his own blade in the other hand being held back by his tall blonde, attacker. Don't do it Levi, just drop the blade. If you kill a Military Police officer that's it, you're done. But then I see the crest on the tall blonde man's uniform. The Scouting Legion? Or Survey Corps… or whatever they called themselves.

This wasn't normal.

Something was up.

It was no wonder they'd managed to catch these three. The three of them would be good on the gear, I'd bet, but the Legion fought Titans. They were on a whole different level. But I see it there, clear as day in Levi's face as his brow furrows and a snarl warps his lips, he'll keep fighting. No Levi, please don't give in. Just stop and think. I look around but can't see the other two, when suddenly Isabel's voice catches my attention. Levi looks over as I do; Farlan and Isabel stand in custody.

Oh shit.

But then I see it.

Reason and thought come back into his pale eyes, and his hand loosens on his blade. It swivels and falls to the ground with a decisive clang. Bloodshed was avoided. At least from Levi. I shift round and seek out a good vantage point. I'd try and find out what the hell was happening before I charged in, but I knew I couldn't leave them to their fate. Not when the Military got involved.

As they seal his wrists in shackles, I turn a little cold.

This is all so wrong to me. This was never something that was even possible in my mind. And yet here I was, helplessly watching from the damned sidelines, as soldiers surrounded Levi and chained him up. He'd done wrong, and he'd almost gone fully rogue. But he'd only ever hurt the bad doers, the wrongful men and women of this damned place. Never the innocent. I feel like marching over to the tall blonde man; with his stupid calm expression, and ridiculously big eyebrows, and shoving a list in his face. On that list would be the countless psycho killers, robbers, pimps, loan-sharks and Merchants, that deserved to be shackled. Idiots. It seemed like as soon as you put on one of those damned crests, you became a simple minded buffoon. One with a big weapon, and the authority to do whatever the hell you liked.

Levi kneels on the ground, and says nothing. Beside him, in exactly the same position are Isabel and Farlan. The tall blonde man stands in front of the floored three, his dark eyebrows furrowed as he asks inane questions. Behind Isabel and Farlan, stands another blonde man with a shaggy beard, he wrinkles his nose every now and again.

"Are you the leader?" another pointless question comes from the man with the eyebrows. I bite my lip, what the hell was I going to do? Then I back away a little, should I do anything? I think back to how Levi hadn't wanted me involved in his plans to free his 'brats', and so now I wonder… does he want me involved in anything? Sure we'd patched up the past. But that didn't mean he wanted me messing with his present.

They want to know if Levi was trained in the Military. I chuckle a little darkly, before choking a bit as the bearded blonde pulls Levi's head back harshly, before throwing him forward and pinning his head into the muck.

My heart aches.

I clasp at it, but it won't die down. I grit my teeth. Ten years and I was still a damned fool. I take a deep breath, and know I have to do something. I'd abandoned him before, it was for his own good, but at the end of the day it was still abandonment. I had to admit that to myself at least. This time I couldn't do that, this time I had to try and fix it myself. Farlan is telling them what they asked, and Isabel is pleading for Levi, but I know it'll only be annoying him. He doesn't care about pain. He might care about the muddy water though… I try and think. The hell was I going to do?

I clench my hands, it was now or never. I march out, keeping a confident stride as I make eye contact with the blonde man speaking. He glances my way and frowns a little.

"The fuck do you think you're doing?" I snarl, casting warning glances at the others positioned around. They knew someone would have to be pretty damned crazy to do this, and I was well aware it was a bad idea. But intimidation and surprise were all I had right now. I hadn't time to get better weapons, for all I knew they'd vanish in the next few minutes, and then I'd never find them.

"I could ask you the same question." He drawls at me, blue eyes piercing as he looks me up and down slowly. I raise a brow at him and nod to the bound three.

"Release them."

"And why would I do that?" I glance at Levi who's looking up at me, but he only looks with anger. I'm trying to help you moron, at least look at me with concern, or confusion. Anger is just getting me angry, which will just… I calm myself and focus on the task in hand. Damn he was annoying.

"Because, Blondie, if you don't, then I'll call in the cavalry and you're sorry asses won't see the light of day again." I feel like I'm turning back into my 16 year old self, all intimidating and fierce. Well, I was still fierce, but less wordy about it. The blonde glances around, and narrows his eyes at me. Well, he wasn't as simple minded as I thought.

"What's your name woman?"

"Katsumi. You blondie?"

"Katsumi…" his eyes go off to the side, then flash with recognition. I feel my reputation precede me, and he looks me up and down in disbelief. I feel like taking a bow or something. "We'd heard about you but thought you'd evaded us."

"I did, but I'm not about to let you swan down here and act like you have some right to do this." I hiss, gesturing to the three on the ground. Isabel and Farlan are staring at me in wonder, Farlan is more confused than Isabel, but I don't react. Levi continues to glare silently. "And have the common decency, or pretend to, and tell me your name sunshine."

"Erwin Smith, a pleasure."

"A one sided pleasure perhaps. Now then, like I said, unhand them."

"I don't think so." He rumbles, a faint smirk pulling at his lips. I sigh, and brandish my twin blades, sinking down into my fighting stance. "What about calling the cavalry?"

"Why bother them when I can deal with you myself?"

"You're awfully confident."

"You're awfully pompous."

"There's no need for this to get bloody." He murmurs, eyes going up and down me like I'm a prize horse for him to claim. And then I realise my bargaining chip. Me. He's looking at me like he wants to put me in his pocket and keep me.

They all freeze as I throw my chip it into the ring.

They expected me to lunge at Erwin, perhaps try and free the other three, but no. I stand with one of my own blades to my throat. I saw the way Erwin's eyes flashed when he realised who he had caught. He knows I can teach him, and his shitting regiment countless things. And so I'm banking on that being important enough to bargain with. I hope this worked. I had an awful lot of things still to be doing this week.

"Unhand them, or I will permanently evade you."

He keeps his cool, but straightens up a bit. I grip the blade tighter.

"You assume a lot about your worth, Katsumi."

"You have a fairly shit poker-face."

"That so?"

"Unhand them… Do it blondie, or I will do the deed right here."

I press the blade to my flesh, and hear Isabel give a small whimper. Farlan shushes her, I think I hear him whisper at her, but the pathetic noise continues to bubble out of the girl. I don't look her way though, I just glance down at Levi and smirk. But he's lost a bit of composure, he's frowning, eyes a little wide and lips parted. To anyone unaware of the sheer lack of variety that came with Levi's expressions, this change would go unnoticed in all likeliness. But to me it was starkly obvious. He was worried. He knew I'd do it if I have to, and I think that caught him off guard. He was now, all of a sudden, made perfectly aware of how much I still cared about him. I look back to Erwin, fresh determination in my face as I press harder and feel my flesh break, warm blood gently trickling away from the blade.

"Fine. Then have this on your conscience."

I grit my teeth and make to draw my hand across when there's a vague shout. I pause and look over with a raised brow. He's holding his hands out and towards me, surrendering. I grin and nod towards the three still bound. He gestures to a soldier on the right, who seems unsure, but heads over to do as bid. I watch the soldier, making sure he doesn't try and hurt the remaining three prisoners. Initiative wasn't a good idea right now, kid. But as my focus falters I feel the hairs on the back of my neck twitch, I turn, but feel my blade whisked away by another blade from behind me. Pain flares in my throat as the side of my neck is torn open, and more importantly, my weapon is cast across the street.

I keep turning, side-stepping when the beardy one makes a lunge for me. He managed to sneak up on me, and disarm me. He was quick, I'd give him that. Nevertheless, my slight frame easily evades him and I elbow him down into the dirt. Blood spatters, but it's coming from the wound on my neck. It wasn't too deep, but I was sure it was on the artery, too much blood was coming out for it not to be. Erwin draws his blade and walks towards me, relentless as he glares me down. I hold my other blade up and block his swipe, as he attempts to hit the handle of his blade against my head. The teeth of my knife lock into his and we stand jarring till I step and keep the dance moving. I try and swipe at the handcuffs on Levi, but Erwin kicks me away.

"Grab them! Dammit, woman stop!"

Two other soldiers appear, and hold the three down when they try and run for it. I flip back and kick off the wall behind me, spinning past the blade flicked my way and catching Erwin across the cheekbone. He hisses through his teeth, but dodges the rest of my attack. As I make for another, the beardy one breathes in heavily through his nose. That was creepy. But then he grins, and strikes out hard at my side. How the hell had he known? My body crumples to the floor, and I gasp for air as pain suffocates me.

"You-bastard…"

"Kat! No!" I hear Isabel scream as a hand grabs my hair, and wrenches me up onto my knees. Well, this rescue didn't exactly go to plan. I cringe against the pain, but just smile at Isabel to calm her. Farlan looks at the ground, his eyes closed as he realises their last chance had failed. Yes, I had failed miserably. But as I'm thrown onto the ground myself, I catch eyes with Levi, and for just a moment I could have sworn I saw concern. It's quickly replaced with contempt, before he rolls his eyes, and looks away from me.

"Seems your cavalry decided you weren't worth the trouble." Rumbles Erwin as he goes back to his original standing position. I shrug at him, not seeing much point in continuing our sass match, now. "Now then, you all have a number of crimes accounted to you. Especially you Katsumi, and this one here. Care to tell me his name?"

"Care to fuck off?" a slap goes across my cheek, and I jolt against the bearded ones grip, cracking my elbow off his shin. He holds my hair tighter, and thrashes my head against the stone again. Another soldier has appeared to begin binding my throat, I glare up at the man, his straggly little goatee looking ripe for ripping off. I can feel the hate building inside me, the side of my nature thirsting for justice as these 'soldiers' do as they please.

"Flagon, make sure its bound tight enough to stop that damned bleeding." Orders Erwin grimly, and the man attending my neck grins a little. I wonder if he's tempted to try and cut off my breathing at the same time. I hope he can see the threat in my eyes as I stare him down, my expression carefully blank.

"Give me his name." Erwin demands, but I just spit at him, only to have my side kicked again. I wail, and grit my teeth, the warmth of my blood seeps through my bandages and I know it'll soon seep through my clothes. "Give me his—"

"Levi." He snaps and I look at him with a frown, what the hell was he doing? "My name, is Levi."

"Finally…" Erwin pinches the bridge of his nose, and I feel my temper flare, along with my injuries. "I'm here to give you a choice, unless you're too foolish to refuse it out of pride."

"Say your piece already, bastard." I growl through my bloodied teeth. I see Levi smirk a little before the mask of anger takes hold again. In a strange way this seemed almost nostalgic. Only we were usually the ones doing the kicking. Erwin kneels in front of Levi, and holds a grim expression.

"Give me your strength to aid Humanity, join the Survey Corps. I'll keep you away from the Military Police. Considering the amount of crimes you are all accounted for, if you refuse me, and are given to them..? They won't treat you very nicely."

"Whereas you roll out the five-star treatment." Another kick and I feel myself gag. Flagon finishes binding my neck and steps away from me, a grimace in place as he wipes his hands. These men were all begging for a slap, and a bite and a—I stop myself and focus. This was not the time to lose myself.

"What's it to be Levi?"

I focus on breathing, the air is bitter as it slides past my blood coated tongue. But I can see it slipping through Levi's calculating mind. He's actually considering this. I fight against my holder, but he just shoves me further into the dirt. I remember how Levi and I, had considered such an option for escape, sign up for the Survey Corps, a one way ticket to the outside world; but we also concluded it was suicide. Levi glances my way for smallest of instances, but I see that he's made up his mind. I brace myself.

"Fine. I'll join." He holds his chin a little higher.

The cold sensation I'd felt when seeing him in those shackles intensifies; like death itself was invading my body. He would die out there. He couldn't do this alone, he couldn't shoulder the blame for us all. I look to the other two; their faces are awash with amazement, and a hint of fear. What would they do without him? I consider that Farlan had lived alone before, but I wasn't so sure Isabel would adapt. I gasp quietly a little as my breathing thins, I'd only just got him back into my life. And whilst I hadn't expected to be suddenly seeing him every day, I had looked forward to the occasional visit. A ray of hope that my past might not be totally lost. I look to Isabel, she was small and she seemed to like me; she could live with me if needed. I wouldn't leave the kid out in the cold.

"No," corrects Erwin suddenly with a sneer. The cold in me almost makes me whimper as I realise what that blonde bastard intends to do, his eyes casting over the rest of us a little greedily. "You all will."

Levi pauses, and his eyes widen for the smallest of moments. He didn't intend this. And he is well aware of the danger posed in such a deal. The two youngsters sit and look to the ground, well aware there is no getting out of this. I feel like their tombs have just been crafted, and all that was left was them to be thrown in, and sealed up. The outside world had always been my dream; but not like this. Not putting these kids in danger. Shit this was so wrong. I look across to Farlan and Isabel, I know little of their history, but I know they mean the world to Levi. He probably hadn't said it to them, he probably never would. But it was clear as day to me. When Isabel called him brother, I saw a little warmth enter his eyes. I bet it happened every time she uttered it. It was beautiful. And it was something that needed protecting. I close my eyes and sigh tiredly; at least this time I'd be able to help in person. This time I would let him know he isn't alone.

We're tugged to our feet and made to march towards a stair-well about ½ a mile away. My feet are heavy, but I don't know if it's because of the situation, or the fact I could still feel blood trickling down from my neck wound. People stand to the side and stare as we go past, mumbling and whispering like fools. The Corps had taken my blades off me, but they had at least picked the discarded one up. They knew a good blade when they saw one. So they weren't completely stupid. But still my hands itched to hold them, they twinged at the idea of slicing past these caped cocks. But it was all pointless daydreaming, this was our lot right now, I had to damned well deal with it.

I also had to get my mask back in place, down here I'd let it slip a little, but up there? Dammit I didn't know what to expect. I needed every scrap of armour I could cling to.

I fall into step next to Levi, and grit my teeth when the bearded blonde pushes my head down, making my neck flare in pain. I curse under my breath but otherwise stay quiet. People's whispering gets louder as the general rumour spreads, and the crest of the Corps is taken into account. The people of the Underground care little for the authorities, and barely care about the MP's, but the Scouting Legion was something they didn't know. And what people don't know, they don't understand, and that only leads to fear. We weren't getting any help from anyone, no matter what they owed us.

This was a ticket to the surface, but the price was too damn high for my liking. For anyone's really. It also came with heavy chains. I glance at Levi and feel a blush take over my face. I can't believe I'd failed him all over again. It seemed like I was living on a big disappointing loop.

"I'm sorry." I say quietly, he frowns a little.

"For what?"

"Hardly a successful rescue, was it?" I snort and shake my head, neck still aching. He grunts a little but remains stoic. As always.

"You tried, brat. Was a decent effort."

"Didn't really make a difference though did it?"

"Well you got more blood on the ground, congratulations."

"It was a last minute tactic, stupid sniff boy fucked it up." My head is bent forward again, "You know the more you do that, the more I want to rip that scraggly beard off and jam it down your throat?"

He sniffs.

"Just keep your trap shut." Hisses Levi, glaring at the ground as we ascend a stairwell. "If you'd done that in the first place, you wouldn't have ended up mixed up in this."

He was angry with me? That was the reason for all the glaring? I think about how I'd wondered if he wanted me involved in his present; I guess I had my answer. I realise his concern was less about my wellbeing, and more him realising he had another person to look out for. I was a burden once again, on the list, waiting to be crossed off. I grit my teeth, no, this time I would protect him. I would show him that I didn't need his help, I never had, but now I had ten years solo behind me. He would see me as the capable woman I was, not his weakling responsibility.

"You never could shut it when you were supposed to, brat."

"You just said it was a decent effort!"

"Didn't say it was a wanted one." He mutters and I let my shoulders sink a little.

There wasn't much point to the argument, and there it was, the confirmation; he didn't want my help. I recall our conversation last night, he said it himself, we were far from okay now. But still, even as I feel my chains rub against my wrist and my old/fresh wounds burn, I don't feel regret. For a long time I'd wondered if I ever wouldn't feel it. But right now my heart was clear. Untainted by it.

I see a doorway to the surface and feel my chest tighten a little, the weightlessness weakening as nerves took over. We'd always said we would go see the surface together, and now it seemed a little odd that we were. And it was even stranger that it was in chains.

I look his way, but see only cold determination. I sigh and return to watching my feet.

"I'll keep that in mind, next time. Apologies for giving a shit."

"Stop wallowing."

"Stop belittling me."

"You two shut it." An unfamiliar soldier barks and I just let my head hang, before Sniffy decides to give it another shove. I can hear Isabel mumbling something, but the words aren't clear. I then glance at Farlan and he stares at the ground, jaw set, and lips pursed. Was he scared? Or just angry that this had happened? Possibly it was a bit of both really. Erwin marches ahead of us, and as we pass the guards, and continue along, the air grows lighter and fresher. I wonder how they feel when they come down to our level, is it difficult for them to breathe? Do they feel the same knot of nerves I was, when seeing the dark pit, as I now see an open gateway? The blonde remains tall and broad as we walk into the light and I snigger a little to myself. I doubt that man feels anything but self-righteousness.

As we enter the bright light of day I clench my jaw and squint my eyes, damn it burned. The warmth seems to bounce off the pale stone of the street, and blast us right in the face as we continue to march without so much as missing a beat. I hear Isabel gasp wildly and pant a little, I could just imagine her throwing her head around, eyes wide as she takes it all in. Farlan hissed, his eyes probably burning a bit too. Levi doesn't react. I knew he used to live on the surface, he had told me little snippets of that, but surely it felt good to be out of that hell-hole? But nothing changes on that angular face. Except perhaps a narrowing of his gimlet eyes.

"Cockroaches don't like the light it seems." Mutters the unfamiliar soldier, and I chuckle along with him, he growls a little, not enjoying my participation in the joke.

"But they are hardy little fuckers, difficult to catch and even harder to kill."

"But in the end they can be squished."

"Yeah but by the time you find one, you probably have an infestation. Then there's no getting rid of them." I sneer as his metaphor turns on him.

"Consider yourself a bug then?"

"At least I have a little self-awareness, unlike you load of—"

"Get in the carriage, and remain quiet." Orders Erwin, opening a door to an overly fancy looking vehicle. We stumble inside and sit awkwardly, our hands still behind our backs. Three can sit on each side; I sit with Farlan and Isabel, whilst Levi sits with a gap between him and Erwin. My, my, this was cosy and comfortable. I shift and jolt when the carriage suddenly begins to move, the crackle of the cobbles against the wheels loud as we make progress through the fairly quiet streets. It looked like it was just after midday, judging by the sun.

I held back a smile as I looked up at the big glowing orb. It was as beautiful as they'd always said it was. I want to smile, gasp and jabber on about how all the stories were true, but I don't want Erwin to see my happiness. That wasn't for his cold eyes to witness. I look at Levi, and as he sits across from me, looking sideways out the window at the new world we lived in, I think he has the same idea. Although as usual he was taking it to a further degree. He almost looks disgusted at the outside world, like it's even filthier than where we just crawled out of. I look to Isabel and see her doing exactly as I want to, she looks amazed, her head snapping left and right constantly as little gasps escape her. She didn't really care what the blonde thought did she? I sit back and let her enjoy the feeling. Farlan's expression I can't see, but he's very tense as he sits next to me. I wonder if I'll ever get a read on him.

Erwin keeps looking at us all though, not moving his head, but those big blue orbs keep swivelling from one to the other. Me, Isabel, Farlan and Levi. He lingers longest on me and Levi, and I feel a chill every time he lands on me. What was he trying to do? Remember our faces or something? Was the uniform of the Corps so identity crushing that he was worried we'd simply disappear? Or did he think he'd have to search us out in a crowd should we run off? On the other hand, he might just be a creepy man with a face fetish.

A smirk cracks my mask and I internally cringe as I realise he was watching me when it happened. Dammit man, stop studying me like some weird looking plant. Well if he was going to stare like a creep, I was going to at least have a bit of entertainment on this journey. Fuck knows how long it'd be. And I seriously need to pee right now. To keep myself distracted I decide it's time for some conversation to break the tense silence. I don't like sitting on powder kegs. I keep my expression blank, maintaining my Levi-like composure as I play with my new toy. Men were so easy to mess with.

"Didn't your mother ever teach you, Blondie? It's rude to stare."

"Erwin."

"No… I'm Katsumi, you're Erwin." I correct with a shake of my head. Isabel giggles, and I feel Farlan jolt a bit as he holds in laughter. Levi doesn't react, but his eyes squint a little more. I'd don't know what I'm up to either Levi, but I fancy some fun.

"You will address me by my proper name and title, Cadet."

"Cadet? That just makes me feel awful." I shudder, "What's your little title then?"

"Squad Leader."

"Squat Feeder? My, my, how proud you must be." I continue to stare blankly, and I see a faint blush appear on his cheeks as his brow furrows. I roll my eyes and click my tongue. "Okay, apologies, just trying to lighten the tension a bit."

"By infuriating your superior, not all that wise."

"Superior… hmm… I'll elect to ignore that sentiment. So tell me, how far is it to your HQ then, blon-Squad Leader Erwin?"

"Not long, at this rate we should be there in an hour or so."

"And what'll happen when we do get there?"

"You'll be staying a night in a make-shift room, whilst we get appropriate dwellings set up for you. But until tomorrow, you may look around the base a little. Though do not think you can simply escape."

"No?"

"Guards are all round the perimeter, and all are being informed of your arrival, crimes, and appearance. You won't get away."

"Sounds like you don't trust us, Erwin, I'm truly hurt to the bone." I drawl and yawn widely. Again Isabel titters and I decide I should probably quite cracking the jokes, she might get in trouble. He raises a brow at me, smirking a little.

"I had always wondered if you'd meet expectation."

"And am I? I'm so concerned about your opinion."

"I haven't decided yet. I won't cast my opinion on you based on a tantrum inside a carriage." He murmurs and I feel a little impressed, the blondie had some sharp teeth when he wanted to. Not exactly what you expect considering his otherwise meticulously poised exterior. I glance at Levi and again watch his eyes tighten a bit. He found that one funny. Prick. I look back at Erwin and shrug.

"A tantrum eh? Trust me on this at least, Squad Leader, if you think that was a tantrum, you can expect a fuck tonne worse from me. But if you had to cast an opinion, what would it be?"

"Sounds like you might care about my opinion, after all."

"Silence is tedious, you're filling it with hot air. That's all."

"Fair enough. Though really, I'd rather see how you do in training before putting you down as nothing more than a talkative woman with lacking social quality."

"How gracious of you, and I'd rather see you doing something other than preying on young innocents, and beating into those less fortunate than you, before putting you down as nothing more than a polished thug for hire, with a God complex to compensate for his presumably tiny dick." I say it all without so much as a twitch. He stares at me for a long time, eyes burning with outrage but expression contained to nothing more than pursed lips. He wasn't happy, and I wonder if he's regretting bringing me along. I keep staring, holding back my grin. Slowly the blonde blinks and lips his lips before speaking curtly, now looking out the window to avoid my unyielding stare.

"You do realise discipline is a large part of being a member of the Corps."

"Good thing I'm not a member." I snarl, mask still in place, but voice with a razors edge to it. He raises a brow, but continues to watch the outside world slip by.

"Then what are you?"

"A prisoner with a sword dangling above her head."

"I see."

"I'll play the game, but that doesn't mean I want to be here. Keep that in mind, blondie." I sit back and look out the window, crossing my legs as though irritated, but in actual fact trying to hinder the need I feel to piss.

We roll up to a large gate, and I hear it slowly creak open, the wood groans as it's pulled out of the way. And a large shadow I cast as we go underneath. One set of walls for another. Only this set had a much higher ceiling. The sun is still hot as we leave the carriage, but the dull stone of the courtyard is a lot less reflective. I stretch as best I can and go to nudge Isabel, she's stood a little hunched, shifting about uneasily. This was a big adventure for her, but it was understandable she might feel a decent amount of fear. The kid was tough, but she was still a kid.

Of course she might have just needed to pee too.

Without so much as a single order, or even indication as to what the fuck we're meant to do; Erwin gets out the carriage and marches off. I wonder how annoyed he actually was. I smirk a little, if I was able to get under his skin that easily, this might well prove amusing as well as educational. The bearded and sniffing soldier comes and undoes our shackles, but leaves without a word also. The unfamiliar soldier walks past us, but pauses to glance over his shoulder.

"I need to get the final okay, wait here and don't move. Guards are watching you, so no funny business, rats."

"Got it." I say waving him off as I continue to try and stretch my aching body.

We stand in our little group in a strange silence. No one really knows what to say. It seemed so odd that we had left the Underground and suddenly appeared in the HQ of the Survey Corps in so little time. One minute miles underground, the next, baking under the endless blue sky. A little weird.

I stand between Farlan and Isabell, running a hand along the girl's arm to comfort her. Gradually she stops fidgeting so much, and smiles at me meekly. She doesn't know how to act brash here, yet. But I knew it wouldn't be long. Farlan sighs and shoves his hands in his pockets, rocking back on his heels as he glances about, clearly taking note of where the guards were posted for later reference. He was an observant and thorough man; that much was clear.

"So what exactly did you mean by join, Levi? Seems a bit too formal don't it?" and I sense I shouldn't witness this argument, I was with them, but they were still a family that I wasn't fully part of yet.

I don't go far, but far enough that I'm clearly trying not to listen in. And I do try not to. I mainly miss it, just the rumblings going back between the two men a little angrily as they disagree about something. Isabel is occasionally piping up, her light voice cracking into the tension nicely. But as I hear a change to Levi's voice. That odd, dead sounding hiss had entered it. My chest tightens as I remember that edge to his voice; that was the voice he used when the bloodlust took over. It never lead to anything but misery. Then the word 'kill' is uttered and I stop in my tracks, tensing as my ears zone in.

What was this shit now?

He wants to kill Erwin.

Those are his words, like he's bargaining that he be the one to do it out of the two of them. How had they planned this without saying anything? I frown, they can't have known about Erwin beforehand surely? This was all a random thing. But as I watch the two men talk, I realise they probably understood each other incredibly well. If they didn't, Levi wouldn't trust him. It was that connection that had created this understanding, and I guess they knew they wanted him dead the second they saw each other in shackles. Devotion leading to death. How messed up this world was.

Levi looks my way and we share a long, hard look. I realise why he hates Erwin, I hated him for it as well. He had put him down in the mud, he had threatened his friends, and he had made him feel small. Levi never felt like that, not in the Underground. There he ruled. To have a stranger waltz in and threaten that. I shudder, amazed at how restrained he was actually being. The voice had scared my initially, but I let my mind drift back to when his rage had peaked. Had someone done, or managed to do as Erwin had, back then? They'd have been found scattered all around that alley way, little bits of person sprinkled like breadcrumbs. So really, an edge to Levi's voice was something I should praise. It was a mere hint of the terror I had once known.

The look between us ends and I look to the ground, my heart thumping as I hear Farlan mention a plan. I head further away, determined not to be involved in this. I wouldn't let Levi include me in his need to shelter those two. A shadow passes over me, and I look up to watch a small bird fly overhead, skimming along smoothly. I rub my wrists and clench my jaw. We were freely imprisoned. And then I feel my own darkness creep into view once again. I know how I'll help Levi shoulder this; I'd be the one to kill Erwin. But I had to make sure Levi and the others weren't affiliated. I may have started his recovery to the light ten years ago, but this would allow me to conserve that ideal. For the sake of the Levi I knew. If I got rid of Erwin, the main thing he was blood-lusting over, would be gone. Then he could remain up top with the other two without temptation. He would be free to live without having to kill. I smile and feel my heart swell. This would finally make things right in our little bubble of the world. Finally I could help him fly free of the darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we go, more relationships being built on, again another fairly slow chapter, all about the world building at the moment. Sorry, i do promise action will happen!
> 
> So yeah thanks again, and thanks to everyone still reading and those following. You're all awesome and I hope you enjoyed the update.
> 
> I'll shut up now, see you next time!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.
> 
> Spoilers for Choice With No Regrets OVA, but don't assume you know what's coming, i generally take my own way with these things, however the BASIC structure to the sequence of plot will generally remain in tact. Timings may be out though.
> 
> For anyone that is actually following this I'm sorry, I missed out a chapter when I uploaded originally? I missed chapter 2 which has A TONNE of backstory for Katsumi and Levi, so yeah if you want to check that out go ahead. Sorry!

Eventually we're taken to a small room where a few measly blankets have been left for us. And that's it. We're told we'll have our meals brought here, and that we are otherwise to remain in this room except for bathroom breaks. I sink down onto a box and fiddle with my blanket. Its scratchy, and I can smell the neglect on it. Where did they dig these things up? Isabel is making the best of it though, spreading out her blanket and rolling up in it with a weird little grin. Then she frowns and continues her little rant about the bastards doing this to us. I sigh, but can't disagree with her summary. This was all kinds of fucked up. I could just imagine Erwin sat in his plush office, probably behind a big desk, mulling over his own greatness whilst swilling whiskey. My teeth clamp together as I hear voices rumble along the corridor outside. Levi steps forward, in front of us three as the voices get clearer. I glare at his back a little, over-reaction much?

The door creaks open a little, and the sniffing man steps in with a basket type thing and hands it over to Levi with a grimace.

"Eat, and sleep. You'll be given quarters tomorrow. No trouble, got it?"

"Loud and clear," I wave my hand, but he just huffs and turns to leave again. Levi gives a low growl and kicks an errant pebble across the floor. He's seething. "Levi calm down, there's no point in getting riled up. This room isn't big enough for one of your tantrums."

"Shut it, brat. This is disgusting and you know it."

"Didn't say I didn't." I sigh and take the basket from him, handing out a bit of bread to the other two as he continues to pointlessly sulk. "You hungry?"

"They probably poisoned it, that's how you deal with street rats, right?"

"Correct, but not after you've gone to such lengths to catch them and recruit them into your own private army." I snap, standing up and shoving the bread into his hand. He huffs and walks over to sit down by Isabel. I look to the heavens, but no extra patience is supplied. I wanted to help him, but when he got into funks like this, there was nothing to do but wait. I try sitting down again, but it's like he's stealing all the oxygen with his hate, and I can't stand it anymore.

I head out the door with my bread under my jacket, I need some air.

The two guards eye me suspiciously.

"I need to use the little girl's room. Which way?"

"Left then right at the end, don't wander off. We'll give you five minutes."

"Oh, then you'll barge in and make sure I'm taking a shit properly?" I snort with a raised brow, they splutter and blush amongst themselves. They'd give me as much time as I needed now, at least that was what I hoped. Men were all brazen balls till you called them out with your own brazen words, then they were like children. Well, this sort of men anyway. Levi was pretty good with a brazen woman, and I chuckle as I remember how our fights used to escalate. To out brazen each other; things quickly got messy.

I head along the corridors, and dodge all that wander there. It takes a good while, but I soon find a small staircase that leads upwards. I head up, and am relieved to be freed into the open night air. I breathe in deeply, and let my lungs tingle with the cold of the night. My arms are spread out behind me as I walk along and stare up at the stars, a few clear patches amongst the clinging clouds. Having seen the same ceiling for so many years, the changing nature of this world's sky made me wide eyed. It was amazing. It made me feel wonder to my core. But with that wonder comes a twinge of fear, to have all this open space seemed reckless to an extent.

How did you watch your back when everything was so open?

I shiver a little as the wind picks up, but smile, if I had to deal with a little fear I would gladly do so. I hadn't really felt afraid for a long time, perhaps without a ceiling, I would become more attached to myself again. Emotions cost time in the Underground, in such a small space you had to be careful about what you allowed yourself. But out here? I sit on the edge of the small wall that runs round the roof, my legs swinging a little as my feet dangle mid-air. Out here I felt like my heart had vacant space, willing to feel again. It had been a long time since I'd felt open to that idea. I laugh a little as I retrieve my bread and break a bit off. It seemed like this whole ordeal did have a silver lining.

Along with red.

I gnaw on the bread, and cast my eyes towards some lit windows below me. I have no idea whose quarters they are, but I imagine Erwin has quarters with large windows too. Perhaps even a private office. That would make it simpler. I wonder when I should do it, Levi was meticulous about things so he would want to plan, he would want to learn all he could about his enemy too. So that bought me a few days. Along with the fact Farlan was clearly wanting to do something before they killed the soldier. So that was potentially a week. I swallow hard, could I risk asking them what their plan was? The breeze picks up and more shivers go down my spine. No, they'd potentially shut me out completely. I was still an outsider, I wasn't fully trusted. It made sense, it wasn't like it offended me, it just made this whole thing a little harder to deal with efficiently.

I hear the door open and sigh, presumably the guards had gotten suspicious of my shit-taking time. But then I hear a familiarly soft foot-fall. I glance over my shoulder, and smile reservedly at Levi who nods back at me, then looks out over the compound. His brow furrows a little. I wonder if the open frightens him as much as it does me. I only notice how hard I'm gripping the wall when I raise my hand to wave, my fingers aching at the sudden movement.

"Stopped sulking yet?"

"Mm." He shrugs, and sits next to me, glancing my way with slightly narrowed eyes. "As scared of it as you always thought you'd be?"

I admit I'm surprised he remembered. I give a small nod and shrug, looking out to the horizon where the great Wall sits, and protects us from the monsters outside. It seemed weird to actually consider the outside a real thing. For so long the surface had seemed unreachable, but here we were. Where to now? I contemplate the wide open plains where this regiment fought the Titans. Everything was so big up here. And I was feeling smaller with each new realisation.

"Just use it." He says, brushing non-existent dust from his leg.

"Use what?"

"Use the fear against them. It's how they keep people in the Underground, so don't let it beat you now that you're finally out." He murmurs, looking down at his hands. I shift to lean back and lie along the wall, wondering what has made him so talkative all of a sudden. But perhaps it was having this all come to life before him? All those years of planning, and here he was, under the big blue sky. Well… cloudy with stars at the moment, but the sentiment remained the same.

"You afraid?"

"Don't by stupid, brat."

"Guess you'll have to find another way of fuelling your Erwin hunt then." The words are out before I can question them, and I tense a little. I guess I was about to find out if he'd shut me out or not. I glance his way but he's just looking at me with determination, not suspicion or anger. They're nowhere to be seen amazingly enough.

"I'm only getting him, before he gets us."

"Why do you think he wants you dead? He was desperate to recruit you."

"Every time he looks at me… I feel like he's plotting, to get rid of me, or the other two… even you."

"Despite the fact he freaked when I threatened to take my life?"

"He could tell it was a bluff."

"C'mon Levi, you're being a bit paranoid don't you think?"

"You used to call it experience."

"I used to think you could do no wrong." I laugh, my leg swinging down over the wall a little. He gives a small chuckle and clicks his tongue, letting the quiet of the night take over again. But I'm enjoying conversing with him too much. I can't let the silence settle.

"Do you remember things before you went to the Underground? Or is this as new to you, as it is to me?"

"Thoughtful tonight?"

"Hard not to be with this big pile of nothingness sitting on top of me." I wave my arms up and he gives another slight chuckle, very slight and quiet, but it was there. This is starting to feel weirdly familiar.

"I don't remember much no, just flickers. So… yeah it's pretty much new to me."

"And?"

"Not bad." He says leaning back on his hands and letting his head hang back. "I reckon I could get used to a view like this."

"What changed your mind about the military?"

"I haven't changed it."

"And our current location doesn't jar with that at all… why the hell did you agree to this?"

"It was this or the MP's, and I didn't fancy dealing with those pigs. At least this lot seem competent. Kind of. You would rather be handed over to the letches of the Military Police? You of all people understand what those men are like." I shudder at the memories but he just nudges my knee. "Exactly. I wasn't about to risk that on Isabel, or you."

"Guess I should thank you…"

"But you won't."

"I still have a feathered noose wrapped round my neck, Levi. Forgive me for being a tad bitter about that."

"I didn't ask you to intervene."

"And you wouldn't have hated me all over again if I hadn't? Or rather, hated me more."

"Hate is a strong word." He mutters, and sighs. "You're meant to be the one that sees the bright side."

"So? I'm allowed a moan."

"No you're not, do your damn job." He snaps and I sit up with a frown, did he seriously depend on my happy chappy comments that much? It seemed weird that he needed my input after ten years. He looks at me and clicks his tongue again. "Don't look at me like that."

"You managed without my 'optimism' for ten years, why the need for it now?"

"You're here aren't you?"

"I guess… well it'll all work out in the end. Hey look, a rainbow! And do I see a fairy? Ah a magical flying pig as well. My, my, what wonders there are up here." I sing-song with a slack jaw and wide eyes.

He huffs and shakes his head, but I see that smirk, he's fighting it, but I see it. I was glad I had managed to forget for a long time, how much I missed this with him. It was very apparent to me in this moment, but for years I'd thankfully had the pain dull to a mere ache. I wonder if he'd had the same, or if he'd been true to his word and never thought of me. I had always known him as a man of his word, but then again, I'd also known him as kind and thoughtful. So where had his head landed during our time apart?

Whilst I'm enjoying the quiet, I keep thinking something like a gunshot will break it. Silence always meant trouble in the Underground, and despite my open surroundings, I still didn't enjoy it. Levi seemed happy enough though, as happy as he ever looked anyway. I hum a little, and remember all the times he had plotted with me about getting here. How had he thought so big from such a small place?

"I wonder if you being originally from the surface is the reason…" I let my musing slip out as I sit up properly, and swing round to face outward again. He looks my way.

"Reason for what?"

"For you being able to dream so big, despite being constantly beaten down."

"Dream big do I?"

"You never doubted us getting out of that damned little box. Seems pretty big to me."

"Little boxes aren't so bad, depending on who you're sharing them with."

"I'm gonna take that lovely sentiment and run with it, but not the metaphor if you don't mind. It could quickly get very weird."

"A decent assumption."

"You know me, always thinking outside the box…! Aw… shit." I laugh putting my hands over my face and shaking my head. I hear him give another chuckle but then a weird huff, I peek through my fingers and find him frowning at me as though confused. "I know, I know, I'm sorry, I kept the box thing going."

"No… I… I missed this." He says with a momentary smirk.

"What? Bad metaphors and mindless philosophical jabbering about the past?"

"Kind of, I guess…"

"Well don't you two just look like a sweet little old couple!" chirps Isabel suddenly appearing from by the doorway. I lean back and wave, a large grin spreading across my face. "Reminiscing about olden times are ya?"

"You bet kid, back when you were probably still in your Dad's balls."

"For fuck sake we are not that old." Groans Levi as they come and sit by us, Isabel next to me and Farlan by him. The two of them laugh, but soon get distracted by looking up and seeing the bright lights above us. I wonder if I looked that odd, and entranced, like moths to the flame.

A calm quiet settles around us, and it only occurs to me then that we were all out here. What the hell were the guards doing? I nudge Isabel and frown a little, she's blushing lightly. This wasn't going to be good news was it? I imagine big bumps growing out the guard's heads, and a livid Erwin jumping up and down with a big red face. It was hilarious, but it would have dire consequences potentially.

"Isabel?"

"Yeah, Kitty Kat?"

"How did you, and Farlan get out here? What about the guards?"

"We didn't hurt them, if that's what you're hinting at." Mutters Farlan, and I shoot him a look, he grimaces a little, "Y'know you can almost be as bad as the guards yourself, we aren't idiots. Why would we intentionally—"

"It was a simple enough question Farlan, no need to have a hissy fit at me."

"Yeah, yeah."

"So what did you do to get out?" I press as the original question goes unanswered. Levi is ignoring all of us, just staring up and clasping his hands onto his lap. I guess he was used to juvenile shit to ignore. I wasn't used to being part of it though. I knew Farlan didn't know me very well, but this assumptive attitude would have to leave sooner rather than later. Either that or he'd quickly have a fat lip.

"They weren't there when we left, reckon they went looking for you two."

"Great, let's get back then before they wet themselves and flood the castle."

The morning comes around too quickly, and I feel exhausted as orders are barked around the room before a pile of clothes is handed to us each in turn. To tide us over until we have our quarters assigned. I stare at the neat little pile of uniform and shudder. It wasn't shackles per-say, but they may as well have been. I tug the shirt on and button it up, the trousers are tight and I think about the idiocy of choosing white as the colour. Really? White? For trousers? For any normal person that was impossible to keep clean, but people that were supposedly fighting Titan's on a regular basis? Surely this made even less sense? I knew keeping these damned things clean was going to be a task and a half. Then I remember I'm here with Levi, and I smile a little. If there was anyone who would figure out how to keep something clean, it'd be him. I'd just have to take notes. Or pay him to do it for me.

The HQ is nice enough, it's still a damned maze, but I figure it'll become more and more familiar as we traipse through day after day. With each new area we're dragged along to, I feel my mind fizz; the Underground was a rabbit warren of alley ways and dark corners, but this was maddening. Everything looked the same. I know for a fact, I'll get lost sooner rather than later. But thankfully I find the individual officer quarters are a bit more distinct, and on top of that the Squad leader offices are even more so. Erwin's is the second floor, in the West wing, and has a small blue crest set in it. Blue like his cold, calculating eyes. I was definitely going to enjoy scratching them out.

The tour continues begrudgingly into the compound and grounds. The sun is harsh as it beats down, but I just focus on the information being rambled off by our impatient tour-guide. She's small with brown pig-tails and a sour face. But I reckon we're just getting in the way of her normal duties, more work for her. Not her fault I guess. Though I try and catch as much as I can, Isabel is too busy looking round excitedly to be possibly paying attention. She'd get in shit if I didn't run this all by her later. Levi watches the ground, and barely glances up when the different areas are listed off. He didn't need to know this, I guess, he was only here for one reason right? I sigh, and try to focus on the lecture; the quicker I took away his reason for being here, the sooner I could get him to focus on what he was going to actually accomplish whilst topside. But I stop myself as we stand by a small platform, the tour having ended. I had to get him thinking about that before I killed Erwin. Otherwise I'd potentially be executed before I got the chance.

Would he rage out?

I try and think of how Levi would react if they execute me. But I don't know how to avoid that. If he did, they might just execute him too. Then it would all be for naught. But if I discussed the plan with him, he'd jump the gun to get the kill. Then he's just get himself into trouble nonetheless.

I sigh; this situation just got messier and messier the harder I tried to clear it up.

Gradually a crowd of Cadets gathers in front of the platform we're stood next to. They all stare; some ogle, and others just grimace. Yep, we were a sideshow. An order is barked our way and we traipse up onto the platform, so the audience can get a better look. I tug on Isabel's sleeve, trying to diminish her dancing about. But the kid just grins and continues regardless. I don't know if she is ignorant of her actions, or just not giving a single fuck. I hope the latter, or else she'd just get into trouble sooner.

We have to introduce ourselves?

Oh for the love of the Walls.

I hang my head back, and ignore the tutting noises from the 'Commander' who is barking away like the dog he was. Did he really expect me to be happy about this? Or any of us? It seemed ridiculous that we were being paraded in this fashion, but then I take note of Erwin's small smirk. This was so they all knew what we looked like, so if any one of us stepped out of line in front of any other Cadet, they'd know they could punish us. We were rats here, and the Scouting Legion considered themselves cats. Holding our tails in place as we squeaked. I meet Erwin's cold gaze and glare. Rats had sharp little teeth, I hope you remember that Blondie.

Levi goes first, curt and cold. Gasps go around. Yes, amazingly enough, we can talk you morons. I seek out patience, wherever it had run off to. This wasn't me, it was my darkness, swirling madly as my anger grew for this place. The surface was meant to be a fresh start, not penned in and controlled. This was all wrong. When Isabel has her turn, she is her usual bubbly self, and I feel myself smile. The last of my darkness fades away. She was a breath of fresh air, even out here in the open. Farlan is, well, he's Farlan. I then dip my head nonchalantly and state my name. Whispers flitter around and I just wave a hand dismissively at my reputation.

"Yah, that's right. That Katsumi."

More whispers and gasps, more ogles turn into grimaces and some grimaces turn into full on disgusted scowls. Oh deary me. But when I look to Levi, I find him frowning. I have the feeling he lost track of me for some time, I wonder how much he knows. But this wasn't the time. I look over the crowd and wink.

"Don't worry kiddies, don't piss me off and you can keep your genetalia."

"Cadet! Mind your tongue!"

"You got it." I say, rolling back on my heels and staring anyone down that had the gall to make eye contact with me.

You see the big difference between me and Levi? He was a little more anonymous in his reputation as he built it up. People knew of a short man with raven hair, who was basically death incarnate when he wanted to be; but his name was elusive. It was rumoured here and there. But that was it. No more than whispers. Whereas me, I basically signed everything with a big old fingerprint and accurate portrait taken. I had aimed to be known once going solo; if I was known I was feared, and if I was feared, I was usually left alone. Without Levi's legendary reputation to protect me by simple association, I'd had to make it up as I went. And the path had been bloody. I can feel Levi watching me, questions burning into the side of my head as he realises he might not know me as well as he thought. Yeah I still made bad metaphors and jabbered about the past, but I had to clean my blades a little more thoroughly too. Up here I wasn't sure how much that applied. But I'd have to deal with the reputation now. No going back on it.

Then we're assigned to Flagon.

I touch the small bandage now round my throat, and glare at him as he stumbles over the newly revealed fact. He'd hoped Erwin would be dealing with us. But apparently Erwin has more important things to be doing. I wonder how true that is, or how much the Commander knew we'd all be wanting to knock the blonde bastard's head off. Flagon accepts his charge but grimaces wildly. I hope his face gets cramp, and stays that way.

He stands tapping his foot whilst the rest of the Cadets turn to leave, I watch Erwin as he goes. Annoyed that I have to go and talk to that oaf. I need to get word to Chia. One way or the other she had to know what was happening, or as much as I could tell her. Shit. That was something else that muddied this. What was Chia going to do if I was executed? I'd have to get word to her about my stash… but how? My body already feels tired, and it isn't even lunch. Flagon sighs dramatically, and leads us towards where I can only assume our quarters are.

I immediately know it's separate for men and women, its common sense. And also made my life easier for not having to constantly worry about pretty little Isabel. Bugger knows when these pent up soldiers got relief, if ever, I didn't want them anywhere near her innocent little hide. And yet this idea of separation makes the girl give out a harsh wail of protest. I sigh, and shoot Flagon a look as he scolds her. He catches my look, and makes the clever decision not to press me. I walk along with them till they reach where Levi and Farlan are to sleep. It's a bunk-bed. I smirk.

Who's gonna be on top?

My laughter doesn't make it to the surface though, as I watch Levi run his hand under the wood of the top bunk and dirt sprinkles down. Aw shit. I edge a little closer, angling myself in between him and Flagon. Don't say anything, Levi, you can clean it once the prick is gone. Keep your cool. His scrawny head isn't going to make as good a duster as you think it will.

And then then our gracious Squad Leader speaks. Oh how I wish he hadn't.

"Just try and keep it clean? I know you're used to the filth of the Underground, but here we have different standards."

"Oh, you really are a moron." I hiss, putting a hand on Levi's shoulder as he spins with a curse. But thankfully Farlan is on the case, interrupting Flagon's retort by assuring him that they would try their best, blabbering on long enough to drive Flagon further out the room. I could have kissed Farlan right there and then. Levi shrugs off my hand, and begins stripping the beds of their presumably unfit sheets. He grumbles under his breath as he does so. Flagon looks me up and down slowly, a wrinkle on his lip as I meet his gaze with a raised brow.

"You want me to take you to your dorm now? Cadet… what's your last name?"

"Katsumi is fine, thanks. I can find it from here, me and Isabel will be fine. Thanks for all your sneering, and judgemental looks, we can take it from here. Bubi!" I chirp with a doff of my head. He blusters.

"You lot seriously need to learn some discipline."

"And you seriously need to give up on that pathetic beard."

Ultimately he gives up, or just decides to cease caring, for now, as he storms out.

"What. A. Prick."

"Levi you need to calm down," snaps Farlan, turning and squaring up to Levi. I had to hand it to Farlan, he was a brave one. To stand up to Levi wasn't something I'd even considered doing for a lot of years, then again he may well have known Levi for a decade by now. I wasn't sure. But I do wonder how he met Levi… but as my mind drifts I catch sight of Isabel climbing onto the top bunk, grinning. I was going to have a task and a half trying to get her out of here wasn't I? Stubborn kid. "Don't forget why we're here, Levi!"

"I haven't forgotten, but did you hear what that shit was saying out of his piece of shit mouth?"

I do a double-take, whilst tapping Isabel's nose as she dangles down with a small chuckle. What they were here for.

Why were they really here?

I feel an old sensation build in my chest, and I curse. How fucking stupid was I? Isabel frowns at my anger, but I just smile up at her, unaware of how involved she might be, or not. Then again I didn't really know her did I? This kid might be as conniving as Levi, but just damned cute about it. This was clearly no unplanned situation, for the three of them. For some reason they'd wanted to be caught. Surely this wasn't Levi's plan for getting out of the Underground? I frown at this repetitive train of thought, Levi knew better than that surely. His desperation can't have got that bad.

I look at Levi, who is glancing my way without expression, had he changed his mind?

"C'mon Farlan! Leave big-bro alone, you can just beat them all up like you did in the Underground." Her sign-song voice makes me jolt out of my gloom a little, but Farlan turns with a disapproving scowl. I really couldn't read this guy yet. One second he was looking out for them, the next he was berating them. I suppose he was trying to be like Levi, but he wasn't nearly as refined.

"Shut it. Dumbasses shouldn't talk so much."

Wow, that was a bit harsh. I take a few steps back to avoid my temper getting the best of me, I wasn't sure why, but I really did feel protective over the kid. But I stop myself this time, I really felt like I was intruding on a family moment. Isabel puffs up, face going red as she yells back at Farlan; and they continue for a few minutes like bickering siblings. But then Levi steps up and just ruffles her hair, calming the tantrum.

"You're a pain in the ass, dummy."

Sweet, but still a little harsh as he shoves her face away in the next second. They were an odd little family, I had to give them that. But as the conversation continues Farlan glances my way a few too many times; I was clearly not wanted here. It hurts a little, but I just shrug and head out the room, calling back to Isabel to wait here whilst I find our quarters.

Flagon is long gone thankfully but it's not there's signs around here. I sigh and regret getting rid of the little beardy bitch, he might have been a little more useful after all. I wander for a few minutes in all the wrong directions, not finding a damn thing, before heading outside. I thankfully catch sight of a slightly familiar face. I had noticed her in the crowd of faces; she had been an ogler. Her big glasses flashed in the midday sun as she ranted at someone, a tall blonde man, and I grimace as I realise it's the sniffer. I approach nonetheless, needing to know where my quarters were before heading to find Erwin.

Her quick eyes catch sight of me, and give an overly-excited wave. I am immediately suspicious. Why was she seemingly happy to see me? When every other Cadet seemed to hate us? This made little sense, but then again she did seem to have about twice as much energy as anyone. Even Isabel seemed a little down compared to this pile of perkiness. The Sniffer isn't nearly as pleased to see me, but I ignore him as I nod to Glasses and hold out my hand for a shake. She has the grip of a vice. Ow.

"Hi there, I'm Katsumi, I was wondering—"

"You shouldn't be wandering around." Snaps the Sniffer and I look at him coldly.

"I'm allowed, bite it."

"It's Mike, you—"

"I'm Hanji!" chirps the Glasses, and I turn to her with a nod. "I couldn't believe it when Mike was telling me who they'd brought in!"

"Yeah, Levi will make a great addition to your regiment." I nod with a little pride swelling in my chest, they were all secretly thrilled to have him here. It would help once I'd got rid of Erwin. But she frowns and shrugs.

"Yeah I guess the Shorty will prove useful, but I was more meaning you!"

I should have been angry at her nickname for Levi, but the lacking malice in her voice made me smile. She wasn't a git, she was just an overly honesty weirdo. How refreshing. And then I realise she had just complimented me, and I tilt my head. Maybe it wasn't a compliment. Maybe she meant she couldn't believe Erwin had brought in a serial killer?

"Sorry? You couldn't believe it how?"

"The Katsumi of the Underground, you're a damn legend! And a fascinating one!"

"Thanks… I think… why do you look so pleased? If you know my rep, then you know my crimes." I squint a little, and look up at Mike who is now watching me with a little confusion. Did he not know? Did Erwin's sniff-dog not know who he had been throwing into the dirt? But Hanji just laughs loudly, head thrown back as she holds her belly.

"Yeah but I know you ain't a maniac, you were a vigilante!"

Me and Mike look at her in amazement. I don't know how she deduced this; my crimes had never been put down to anything but mindless violence of the Underground. It wasn't it at all. But that was how the MP's reported it. It only took a couple years before I was known as the Claws of the Underground. My twin blades left pretty distinct wounds. That was why my name caused so much whispering; but with this woman it created amazement. She got more interesting, the longer I stood with her.

"She was a what?" Mike scoffs shaking his head. So he'd known about the killings, but assumed the Military Police as truthful. Maybe he was a moron after all. Hanji turns and slaps his arm playfully.

"Yeah, all those guys she chopped up and lopped the bits off? Rapists, pedo's, you name it! They misuse their sausage, and she came along and lopped it off!" she chuckles tapping at his lower region making him jolt a little, and then look down at me with more confusion. And maybe a slight hint of fear. I'm blushing a little but shake my head.

"I didn't just chop guy's dicks off…"

"Oh I know, you dealt with all the scumbags in turn! Just the dick stories were always the funniest, and most interesting!"

"Little psycho then?" muses Mike with a small sniff. I look to my scuffing feet for a moment and click my tongue loudly, not enjoying his summary of my hard work.

"I was trying to help the Underground where the MP's didn't bother… in case you give a shit."

"I don't."

"Whatever. But… how the hell did you figure that out Hanji? You're not from the Underground."

"Nah, but I'm real good at looking between the lines of the Military Police. Damn Unicorns are shit at writing reports."

"Shit… good to know… and good to know not everyone in these uniforms is a mindless thug." I laugh, looking a Mike with a little more meaning. He turns away with his frown, walking without a word to either me or Hanji. His head is shaking slightly. What the heck was that nose thinking now?

I ignore him and keep chatting with Hanji, and soon we stumble onto the topic of Titans and I feel her intensity increase tenfold as we do. That was a lot of weird stuffed inside such a small head. Eventually I manage to ask her where the female dorms are; finally getting a word wedged in sideways between Titan habits and digestive systems.

"Oh yeah! You're in the bunk across from me!"

"Goody…"

"Where's your little red haired friend? She's adorable."

"That she is, but don't be fooled, she has a good set of claws herself."

"Oh I'll bet. You four are the talk of the regiment, things are finally getting interesting around here."

"I'll bet you're the only one looking at this situation positively Hanji."

"Oh don't be so down! Hey, is it true you taught Levi to fight? The main stuff I'd heard about him in the Underground was that he was brutal, but I only heard from Erwin like… today, that you taught him to fight."

"Erwin has known that a lot longer than that."

"I know! I gave him a good telling off for holding back on me! So is it true?"

"Yeah… but don't get me wrong, he kicks my ass in a lot of ways."

"Sure he does, Claws, sure he does."

"Please don't call me that?" but I sense the name has already stuck.

We enter a similar room to where Levi and Farlan are staying. Only this one smells a lot less of feet. There's a few sets of uniform and civvies on my bed, and Isabel's too. We were all unpacked it seemed. I glance around the other bunks as Hanji makes pointless attempts to introduce me to the other Cadets. I ignore their judgemental eyes, and panicked flinches away from my outstretched hand, being held in place by Hanji all along. On their bunks I see small trinkets, little signs of home and small tokens of love from family. Small, and all fairly well hidden for inspection in all likeliness, but still there. I then look at my own bunk and Isabel's, we really only had each other up here. But then Hanji lets me go and I smile a little, nah, I had Hanji too now, I guess. She seemed like a good egg; a completely cracked one, with half the yolk misplaced somewhere, but definitely a well-intentioned egg. Ugh, another bad metaphor. I really needed to practise.

"One last thing Hanji? Sorry, I'll stop bugging you after this."

"No problem, don't hesitate to ask me a question! I know I won't hesitate to ask you, so there's no point in you doing so with me. What's up?"

"Which way to Erwin's office?"

"Why you wanting to talk to Erwin?" she laughs, but as I look to the side and try to avoid her keen gaze I hear a sharp gasp. Oh no, wrong assumption. "You got a little thing going on there with the eyebrows?"

"No!" I groan looking up, "I just need to ask him a… a favour… it's about something back in the Underground and I…" I glance at the other women present, not wanting them in my business. "I don't want everyone knowing anymore about me, than absolutely necessary. Okay? I'll tell you later all right? But I dunno where the bastard's office is from here."

"I'll take yah, c'mon lover-girl."

I hang my head and let her drag me along. She was lucky I was feeling more maternal than murderous right now. She was great, but I was finding her thinning my patience faster than most. And I did well at retaining patience. You had to when dealing with brats, Levi's temper and the general buggering mess of the Underground. But Hanji? She was an entirely different force of nature. I was a little out of my league.

"Here we are, don't make too much noise. You'll make Shadis all jealous!" she calls down the corridor after leaving me next to the blue crested door. I flip her the bird and she just laughs louder on turning the corner. Dammit. That would be new rumour about me going round already, was this a regiment or a damned school? But as I remember the flocks of Cadets sticking together I sigh and smooth down my hair. It was both.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Attack on Titan.
> 
> Potential spoilers for Choice With No Regrets OVA though never assume you know what's to come, sometimes I don't! The BASIC structure to the sequence of plot will generally remain in tact though timings may be out.

I take a moment to calm down; then once I'm sure my temper is back in its cage, I knock three times. He rumbles for me to enter, and I do so, hoping my patience can endure whatever crap he says whilst I deal with this issue. I had to get word to Chia. In all the commotion I hadn't managed to send her word. She'd be freaking out soon. I walk in front of his desk, and he doesn't even look up. Arrogant prick. I wait and hold my hands behind my back, firstly because it was how we'd been told to stand when idle, and secondly because it stopped me slapping him, or stringing his neck. Mind you, watching that big blonde head topple over the desk and smush onto the carpet below, did sound awfully entertaining. Though admittedly, a bit messy. It was a very nice carpet.

"How can I help you, Cadet Katsumi?"

"I need to send word to someone in the Underground… sir." I add when he seems to be waiting on something. He lets my words slink through his mind and then he smiles, but its fake, and brimming with patronisation. Here we fucking go.

"Why?"

"Because I need to let someone know that I'm alive, and won't be around for some time."

He waits.

I bite down hard on my tongue and speak through my teeth.

"Sir."

"I can't do that, Cadet."

"Why not?" I snap, glaring at him and ignoring the way he raises those bushes at me. Damn the chain of command, he was being a bitch for the sake of. I wasn't about to put up with this juvenile nonsense. "I just need to let her know I'm alive. A simple enough request surely? You're not the only one with responsibility, sir."

"And how is it I know you're not plotting something?"

"Because you can read the damn message for all I care!"

"That so?"

"Yes, you suspicious…" I sigh and count to ten, "Sir, I just need to let this woman know where I am, and what's happening. She has enough to deal with without worrying about me needlessly, when there's no need to."

"Hm…"

"Surely, as a Squad leader, in charge of people's lives, you can understand that?"

"What is this woman's relation to you?" he persists, resting his chin on his clasped hands. I don't see the relevance to any of this, but it seemed like he was going to milk this for all it was worth. When the time came that I did kill him, I had the feeling I would enjoy it a little too much. "Cadet? I'm waiting. What is her relation to you?"

"Great, great, great, great grandmother." He does a double-take and looks at me with open confusion. I roll my eyes, apparently the uniform also rendered a person's sense of humour moot as well. "She's a friend."

"I'll need a few more details than that, Cadet." He murmurs, returning to his paperwork with a sorry shake of his head. I groan, this man had no reason to need this information, he was just wanting to push my buttons. I knew this, and yet had no way of avoiding it. I wasn't used to being so permanently backed into a corner; it was getting a little boring. I knew I'd end up lashing out at something soon. I just hoped it was inanimate.

"We set up an Orphanage together."

"An Orphanage?" he scoffs, open disbelief in his face. I clench my fists and ignore his utter shock. This man acted like he knew me, as though he understood my entire character from damned rumours, and reputation alone. A shallow bastard he had to be, in order to think that was all I was capable of.

"Yes, big building with lots of unfortunate kids inside? Without parents and in need of—"

"Don't be smart with me, Cadet. I simply find this hard to believe, considering your long list of crimes, you being involved in such a philanthropic venture seems… out of place. "

"Actually there's a shocking number of parentless children in the Underground, sir, so it is in exactly right place as it so happens." I mutter, but as his frown deepens I feel my chances slim. This was ridiculous. I smooth down my hair again and click my tongue. "Look… my friend, Chia, she's the head of the Orphanage. I just supply money, and occasionally a bit of protection. Happy?"

"Not particularly, why didn't you mention this before?"

"Why the hell would I? What business is it of yours, or this regiment's, that I help out an Orphanage in the Underground. Why do you even care? Ugh, if you're just going to waste my time, I'll leave…" I groan turning and making for the door, it was a pain, but I'd find some other way of getting word down there. There had to be another option, other than this prissy little prick.

"In order to have you serve here, we have to have a proper understanding of you." He replies, putting away his paperwork and getting out of his chair noisily.

I turn at the noise, and as he strides over to me, I retreat backwards. That chiselled face is oddly blank and I feel ice run along my spine. I had faced all manner of demon and miscreant in the Underground, and yet this man, with his bright blue eyes and glowing blonde hair made me more uneasy than any of them. He looked so pure, so good; there had to be something truly awful bubbling under that surface. In order to kill him, I had to know him. I hit against the door, and realise that it is a similar meaning to his own words.

"In order to control me, you need to know me."

"Why would I need to learn to control you, Katsumi?" he chuckles, looming over me, a small smirk in place. "You joined the regiment along with Levi, therefore you are under obligation to follow orders, yes?"

"Depends on the manner of the order, sir."

"It shouldn't." he leans down and whispers in my ear. I shudder at his close proximity, my hands itching to wrap round that neck and forget about the messy consequences. But I just draw a deep breath and meet his cold gaze straight on. Don't let him know you're intimidated. Sod that. I had a job to do, I had people to protect. Nothing had stopped me before, and this jumped up boy playing solider, wouldn't manage it now.

"Could we get back to the matter in hand? Will you allow me to send word to the Orphanage or not?"

"I suppose you didn't want to officially attach your sullied name to the Orphanage, for fear of any possible investors being scared off by your reputation?"

"My, my, the clever-clogs gets it again. Now then, answer my question."

"Write the letter, hand it to me, I'll see it gets where it needs to go."

"That better not mean the bin."

"Now, now, Katsumi, I'm your superior, don't forget that." He leans closer, and I get ready to bite his nose off if he does what I fear he's going to. But instead he just opens the door behind me, smirking as I shrink away from him and duck under his arm to exit. Prick. "Get the letter back to me by tonight if you can. I'm a busy man you know."

"I'm sure you are." I mutter, walking away without looking back for fear of seeing that damned smirk again. What kind of end-game did he have in mind?

I turn the corner and avoid a gaggle of Cadets that look at me with curiosity blatant on their young faces. Though the curiosity soon turns to contempt, and one even wrinkles her freckled little nose. No one would be very good at poker here, that was a given. I head for the stables as I was meant to be training with Isabel today, and so I try to focus on that. It didn't really matter what Erwin thought he had planned for me, I knew it would end with his blood on my hands. Whatever that mind was cooking, be it bad, perverted, or the very rare concept of 'good'; whatever it was, it would never come to pass.

A mousey cadet takes me and Isabel out to a paddock area with a few horses. She seems slightly less hostile than most of the cadets, and so I don't mind when she helps the kid onto a horse. There's clearly no weapon to hand, so she won't hurt the kid easily. I realise I sound absolutely ridiculous, and paranoid, but I can't shake the feeling this regiment would rather have us out the way sooner rather than later. We were an inconvenience. But this cadet seems nice enough, she tells me her name, and I immediately forget it. I don't plan to make any more connections that absolutely necessary. It only complicated things, or lead to annoying emotional surprises. I had a lot of love to give, but I knew all too well it lead to burns.

Speaking of surprises.

I hadn't expected Isabel to be quite to skilled on a horse. I watch her race around like a maniac, swerving and jumping, the horse reacting to every little command she gave it. I had decent control over horses, having stolen many over my lifetime. But as far as I was aware, the kid had never even been near one. Levi had stopped stealing them after one shat all over his shoes once. He likes the beasts, but not what comes out of them. Isabel cheers as she races around, and the mousey cadet fiddles with her own pigtails as she watches the new recruit exceed all expectation. I lean against the fencing, and smile proudly at my Auburn haired friend; she was a wee scrapper, but she'd show them all.

"Who taught you to ride a Horse miss?" she asks meekly when Isabel slows the beast momentarily, the kid grins as she pats the mane affectionately.

"No one, I've always had a thing with animals. I like them, they like me, c'mon boy!" and she's off. The Cadet stares after her, still fiddling with her hair as she retreats to where I stand by the fence. Eventually Isabel would burn through the joy, but for now there was no stopping the kid. When the Cadet looks my way with confusion, I just stare her down coldly. I don't mean to be harsh, but the more walls I built up out here, the less these big open spaces would freak me out. I can't show it. Obviously. But the bigger this sky gets, the colder I feel deep down. Freedom was fucking scary.

"Did she really not know how to ride before now?"

"You accusing her of lying? Behind her back? My, what noble people within the Scouting Legion." I hitch myself up onto the fence and swing my legs, watching Isabel fly with euphoria. The woman kind of squeaks at my retort, and twists her hair. If she keeps doing that, I may just slice the damn pigtails off. Be less troublesome for one thing.

"I-I didn't mean that… I just… she's very skilled already. And I heard she was taught by the Levi guy and… Forlorn…"

"Farlan. Forlorn is an emotion, not a name, genius."

"S-sorry. Farlan. Is it true they self-taught, then taught her?"

"All true, and all very skilled. Just because they come from the Underground, doesn't mean they can't measure up to you surface folk. Street rats can be clever wee shites." I wave back at Isabel who is looking my way with a frown, but when I smile at her reassuringly, she heads for another jump with a loud 'whoop'. "I realise you may not be one of the ones whispering behind our backs, and I apologise for being so harsh. But frankly my patience is wearing out on your lot."

"I can understand that…" she mumbles, flinching a little at the brash way Isabel dismounts before leading the beast our way. The Cadet looks at me, and I give her a small nod of appreciation. I didn't have to like her, but if she was willing to at least understand us, then I wasn't going to argue.

"Thanks, maybe spread the word around your lot then?"

"Sorry? I don't understand." She mumbles, a pink blush blooming under her freckles.

"The three of them are better than your fellow Cadets think they are, they'll fight hard for you. Your regiment should appreciate having such skilled allies in their ranks." I get down and begin walking to meet Isabel, my turn on the horse I guess. The Cadet scampers after me, and finally stops messing with her damned hair.

"I will do, they'll get over it in a couple days. You guys are new, and therefore something to gossip about. Can't be helped really… though… I-I notice you didn't include yourself?"

"Perceptive aren't you?" I drawl, ruffling Isabel's hair before taking the rein from her and mounting the horse. I see the confusion on the Cadets face, but I see no reason to clarify. Isabel is looking from me, to the Cadet, then back at me with an odd little simper on her lips. She can sense something is up, and wants in on the fun. Sorry kid, no dice.

"What's up Kitty Kat? Scared to try the horse out?"

"Nah, just clearing up some shit."

"B-But w-wait!" stammers the Mousey one, and I halt the horse, rolling my eyes as the pigtails are swirled in her hands.

"What? I'm trying to 'train' here."

It was strange to think this little girl was allowed to go up against these Titan beasts. Then again, perhaps she was formidable on the battlefield. But I doubted it. This kid needed to sent home surely? I can't imagine what her parents were thinking letting her go here. The Mouse looks from Isabel to me, and bites her lip pathetically.

"Why do you not include yourself? Doubt is the last thing we need from you." The passion that suddenly enters her voice catches me off guard. Where had that come from? "I've heard so much about you, surely you can't think that you won't be of help to the regiment?"

"I appreciate this little attempt at a pep-talk, but that really isn't my issue. I'll kill plenty Titans for the Commander. Isabel? Do me a favour, head on over to the 3DMG area and get some gear ready for us? I won't be long."

"But Kitty Kat—"

"Please kid?" I snap a little bit, and she looks hurt, but the big green eyes soon clear to understanding. She knew I didn't want her to hear whatever I was about to say, and thankfully the kid respected that.

It wasn't that I thought of her as a snitch; I'm sure the kid could be the best secret keeper in the world, when the need called for it. However, I did believe she would be in the habit by now, of talking to Levi about anything she was worried about. Half the time he wouldn't listen. But if she heard what I had to say to this Mousey Cadet, she'd mention it to Levi and he'd be put on high alert. I didn't want that. I just wanted the other Cadets to know I wasn't messing around. Their cold looks didn't bother me, but the idea of any of them acting on that disapproval, and hurting either Isabel, Levi, or even Farlan… It made my blood boil. In the other Cadets eyes, we were vermin, and we were underfoot. They didn't trust us, and they wanted us out the way. I wasn't sure, but I didn't want to risk anyone being bold enough to try and intimidate us out. Not before I'd managed to remove Levi's source of vengeful thinking. If it wasn't snuffed out soon, it'd be the new poison to darken his heart. And I couldn't allow that. Not after he'd done so well.

Isabel wanders off, a slight skip in her step as she fails to even consider I'm hiding something important from her. She probably just thinks I'm a private person, which I am, but of course right now my motives are a little more specific. The Mouse watches Isabel leave and looks back at me, stepping away a bit, with a bite on her bottom lip again. I wonder if she thinks I'm about to attack her for questioning me. In a way, I hope she does. It would just make this easier.

"You satisfied with my answer, Cadet?"

"N-not really…"

"Didn't think so."

"But if you're willing to fight, and kill the Titans with us, why not include yourself with the other three when asking me to reassure the Cadets? It makes no sense…"

"Because I said they were your allies, and I do not consider myself that."

"Why?!" she gasps, eyes shining a little and I cringe away from the pitiful sight. Get yourself together woman; that was unsightly. "I assure you the regiment is a close-nit family, we look after each other really. The others… they're harsh but you don't need to be afraid—"

"You're kidding right?" I laugh, and she flinches back a little. "Afraid? Why would I be afraid of a snivelling group of kids? I've dealt with worse than you, love, trust me on that."

"Th-then what…"

"Look, what I mean is, all I'm concerned about is keeping those three safe, and if that means I have to cut down a few overly suspicious Cadets? Slice I will." I say it all matter-of-factly. There was no need to hiss, or bare my teeth. The sheer calm of my voice was unnerving enough. It even makes me a little uneasy. She flinches back further and puts a hand over her mouth, shaking her head.

"What kind of monsters do you think we are?"

"I think you're mindless sheep." I snap and she frowns, "I think if Shadis, or Erwin said jump you'd all ask how high, I think if he asked you to rough up my three companions in order to get them to stay in line, you'd all reach for a blade, or bat before even considering that they hadn't done anything wrong."

There is only disbelief in those young eyes.

"The military has always been my foe, it always will be. Certain people can become allies, but otherwise? If I see a crest, I take note of where the heart is and how I can pierce it quickest."

"Y-You're mad…"

"Oh darling little girl, I'm not even a little irritated right now." I wink, "If no one causes trouble, I won't do a thing. But the second someone threatens my family? Then you'll see the Claws legend right in front of you. Got it?"

"I think they can protect themselves you know." She pouts, finding her spine apparently. I smirk and doff my invisible top-hat.

"They don't need to. Pass the message around however you like, I couldn't care less in all honesty." I then flick the reins and head off at a slight trot, leaving her gaping after me.

I gradually get myself used to the rhythm before whipping the reins, and allowing the beast to run at full pelt. It was different from riding across cobbles, it was a lot less harsh, and a lot less deafening. But it still felt amazing. I smile, but refuse to let myself cheer. I see from a window above the compound a vague shape, watching me, and although it's merely a smudge, I get the feeling its Erwin. I continue to the tree-line and gradually loop back round. My mind fizzing with anger at the world.

At Erwin and his damned games.

At the childish looks from the other Cadets.

About the fact I had already considered those three my family, and yet I knew full well it wasn't returned. I was a sentimental fool even now, with my ledger dripping in blood and my name cast in the darkest of shadows. Even now, I felt like a fucking mother trying to defend her home. And it made no damned sense. None of this did.

I turn the horse sharply, and begin to round back to the mousey pigtails who is stood talking with Mike. He looks very unhappy indeed. Oh dear, whatever will I do? I get within a few yards of them, and leap off the horse. It continues to trot along for a bit before stopping to munch on grass. Not a badly behaved beast at all. I wonder if Erwin thought the same about Mike. Did he send him down here after seeing me train? Or was it a coincidence. As Mike looks me up and down, whilst I walk over with a smirk in place, I doubt coincidence has ever existed in our world.

"The hell have you been saying?" he grumbles, blocking my path when I make a move to pass him by. I pause and look at him sideways, not bothering to turn as I don't plan on lingering long. My message had been given out, whether they liked it or not, I would stick to my words.

"The truth."

"Excuse me? You've scared her half to—"

"I realise it's a novel concept for lying fuckwits like yourselves."

"And your being this hostile because?"

"Because every time I even see another Cadet I feel their hate, I see their beady little eyes travel all over me, and the other three and it makes my damned skin crawl. I only warned the Cadet here, what would happen should any of those children act on their disapproving thoughts."

"And proclaimed yourself our enemy." He snarls, gripping my collar and lifting me from the floor. I continue to smirk at him, he didn't even have the balls to pick me up by the throat? Come on, this was a little insulting.

"Careful, you'll rip my uniform."

"What's all this about, Cadet Katsumi? Answer me. This isn't part of the deal."

"The deal was we joined instead of being imprisoned by the brutes of the Military Police."

I snap my arms up, and he loses his grip. As he lunges to grab me again I swing up and clock him under the jaw to send him flailing back with a grunt. He isn't floored, he's too good a fighter for that, but he stumbles and will have a nasty bruise. I straighten up and raise my chin a bit proudly.

"However, we did not agree to being persecuted by the snobs here who don't think we're fit to be in this regiment, or fit to be on the surface world. And frankly I won't stand for it. She's already told you what I said, so I won't bother repeating myself. Report me to Erwin if you like, a loyal dog you are. However, I stand by my words. I will serve, but I will also not hesitate to attack anyone who threatens my family."

"And you wonder why they look at you like animals?" He huffs, rubbing his chin a bit. I shake my head at him, he really didn't get it yet, did he?

"I don't wonder why they look at me like that. If they've heard of my rep, then fine, look away. But the other three? They've done nothing to provoke such looks."

"Levi has his own rep."

"Never confirmed." I spit and begin to walk away, glancing over my shoulder momentarily to give a sneer. "Go on Sniffer, go tell the master what I said like a good boy."

I begin to jog, and head over to where Isabel is sat cross-legged staring up at the sky. Her big green eyes shine with wonder as the clouds skirt along carelessly. I hope this surface has lived up to her expectations, then again I didn't really know if she'd had any. I nudge her with my foot and smirk when she lets her head loll over to my direction.

"Finished being a badass?" she giggles and I blush a little, guess she will have seen my small spat with Mike then. I scratch the back of my head, and look towards the paddock. He's gone and Mousey is rounding up the horses, looking my way every now and then.

"Some harsh words were perhaps exchanged. He's a shifty bugger that one, don't trust him at all."

"Somehow Kitty Kat, I doubt that was all that was about eh?" she winks and hops up onto her feet. "But whatever, your business. I can always wrangle it out of ya later! Time to strap in and see what you can do!"

I decide not to press the fact there wasn't anything that needed wrangling, the kid was quite shrewd when she wanted to be. Instead I let her help me attach the clunky gear and try and accustom myself to the weight. The kid's aware I've done a version of this with my rather more primitive use of rope and hook. So she goes through the very basics; how to aim, how to manoeuvre best, and how to use the gas, or fire the hooks. It all seems simple enough in theory. And yet I can't shake this feeling I'm about to face-plant really hard. She helps me fire the hooks up into two trunks, across from each other, creating a sort of swing for me. In order to help me get used to the balancing apparently. Although as I hang there, and she watches me with a little irritation in her young face, I begin to wonder what it is I'm doing wrong. Was something meant to happen? I look around and continue to remain perfectly upright, surely this was a good thing? And yet she's getting angrier with each passing second. The hell was up with this kid?

"This is so unfair." She hisses, stomping her foot.

"What? I'm doing it right, ain't I?"

"Yeah, I fell over like a thousand times before I managed that… show off."

"I guess I just have an amazing teacher?" I coo over to her, smiling broadly as I see her pout twitch at the side, she's fighting a smile and it's clear to see. "Come on kid, this only means you have less work to do. Plus, this is probably not as easy when being flung through the air like an unwanted potato."

"Why a potato?"

"Why not?"

"Doll would've made a bit more sense…"

"Never thought of you as a logic fanatic." I laugh as she helps me down and starts to fix on her own gear. It takes her a few seconds, as opposed to my five minutes, but I just hope I'll soon be that quick. Probably made for the decent get away, if you could get it on fast enough.

"Wanna run the course?"

"Maybe tomorrow eh? First I think getting off the ground with a little motion, might be the best idea."

"Well now who's being a logic fanatic…" she mutters as we head towards a slightly more open area and she begins the lesson.

We stay out there till the afternoon merges with evening, and my entire body aches with fighting against the momentum, as well as angling myself properly. The cadets round here must all have the core strength of… something with really high core strength. My stomach feels like three fat merchants just did a drunken jig on it. Frankly it was a bit frustrating, I was in good shape, and yet I felt like a complete novice. I mean, I was, but it still annoyed me to have it so blatantly highlighted.

We're heading back along towards the HQ when I notice the Sniffer heading our way. I can see he's annoyed, but he doesn't look like he's under orders. Usually he's more reserved when acting on someone else's issue. I quickly send Isabel ahead, explaining I had some business to attend to with the Sniffer-dog. She isn't pleased, but my tone is clear and concise. She isn't to be here. With a pout firmly in place she walks off, bumping forcefully into Mike as she passes him by with an audible 'humph'. He barely even registers her nudge, only looking down at her for a moment in mild irritation before continuing his stride at me. I stop and fold my arms, wondering what speech he's about to lay down.

"I need to speak with you Katsumi."

"Really? And here was me thinking you were simply going for a leisurely evening stroll."

"I'm serious."

"Then do get to the point sooner, instead of later? Dinner's served soon right? And I'm bloody starving."

"All right, I'll just come out with it then." He sighs and smooths back his hair. His expression smooths out, he straightens his uniform and makes a low bow. I am so confused, I can barely blink. This man had only ever looked at me in contempt or with disgust, and now he was suddenly bowing to me? I squeeze my arm, but find myself awake; half expecting to wake dangling from a tree, having face-planted myself into a momentary coma. But no. I'm awake and this weirdness was happening. I wait and eventually he rises, slowly, face oddly upset as he stares down at me. My glare softens, a habit of seeing another human-being in pain. It seemed odd that my reflex was kicking in towards this thug who had gladly kicked my side to bits, and smashed my face into the dirt. Why couldn't I revel in someone's suffering just once? Why was it only the bad people that got those moments of gratification? Lucky bastards.

"I apologise for my behaviour towards you."

"What…?" I half-laugh, looking round for the punchline. But he just nods his head solemnly, and perhaps in shame? Again I squeeze my arm, but I still remain in the waking world. This was getting very weird, very fast. I nod back, and seek out some words, but my tongue just lies there, as baffled as myself.

"I was misled as to what your reputation was for, I only learned when Hanji mentioned it, that you had in fact been doing technically 'good' deeds. And I now find myself ashamed of not acting upon this sooner,"

"Why so now?" I snort, raising a brow in suspicion. Was this some new tactic from Erwin? Get me and Sniffer close to keep an eye on me? I was from the underground, but that didn't make me blind like a mole. This was obviously bullshit. Right? But as he sees my suspicion his face becomes more pained, if only slightly, and he pinches the bridge of his impressive nose. I don't like it, but I begin to feel convinced.

"You have no reason to trust what I say, I can only prove my sincerity through time, of course. However… I felt I needed to voice this in order to… to avoid you feeling so backed into a corner."

"So you're pitying me? Well don't bother I—"

"You think I pity you?" he snaps, eyes a little wide as he looms over me. "No, I pity the idiots, among whom I used to be, that still assume you're just a street rat. But I can see now you're just… you just want your freedom, and you've been hoodwinked into this regiment. And I pity those that end up pushing you to actually enacting what you threatened earlier…" he sighs, leaning against the nearby fence and looking towards the HQ, still seeming upset as the sun sinks behind the treeline.

I'm never easily fooled, but I don't know this guy very well. For all I know he was a damned good actor, and he was playing on my nerves. It could all be bullshit. Then again, he has already stated he knows it'll take time for me to trust him. One more ally couldn't hurt. Especially one so close to Erwin; and extra-especially one now potentially pissed off with the Eyebrowed Bastard.

"What did Erwin tell you I'd done to merit such a rep?" I remain in the middle of the track, but I don't look with malice any more. He pauses and clears his throat, lips pursed into a thin white line. He clearly doesn't want to repeat it. But he can clearly see I'll just wait till he does.

"He said you were an emotionless killer for hire, if the money was right, you'd kill your own mother. His words, not mine."

"What a dumbass." I snigger, shaking my head, he frowns at me and I bend over a bit as laughter takes a firm grip on me. "And if you're wondering who I mean? I mean both of you."

"Guess I deserve that… I thought that was why you had never given us, or even used, a last name. That perhaps Erwin had meant it a little more literally than I thought, that you had in fact killed your family for money."

"What an imagination." I begin to walk over to him and see that he's gritting his teeth.

"I really am sorry, for… shit… for everything. I never would have… I'm a damn fool."

"No arguments here Sniffer." I laugh, nudging his foot with mine. He looks at me and continues to frown, I shrug my shoulders at him, allowing my smile to remain in place. "I still reckon this is some stupid ploy from Erwin, the man who thinks he's Commander well before his time… but for now I'll give you the benefit of the doubt."

"Why?"

"Believe it or not, I prefer not having to hate people." I yawn, stretching out my aching body. "Don't get me wrong, the second I find out this is some stupid ploy? I'll fuck you up in a second, but I'd rather be able to give you a smile in the corridor than glare you down into your grave. Much less troublesome this way."

"You're an odd woman, Katsumi." He smirks and I just raise my brow and shake my head at him, once again folding my arms. The man was a fool if he didn't think all women were playing some kind of game.

"I'm really not Mikey boy. I'm just protective of those I care about. Once my trust and affection is earned? I'll defend a person with everything I have."

"Why?"

"Because that kind of connection is so damned rare in this messed up, dark, and deranged world? It's something you have to protect."

"But why protect Levi so much? He seems perfectly capable of protecting himself."

"Not so fast Sniffer." I laugh, beginning to meander back to HQ, with him following, soon by my side as he watches me smirk. "I don't care if you know I'm protective, any idiot can see that. But I ain't about to explain my motivations fully, otherwise that suspected ploy of Eyebrow Man's will have worked all too easy."

"I suppose trust is something I'll have to earn over a long time…"

"Oh deary me yes, you have no fucking clue. But who knows Sniffer, you might get there."

I welcome the distraction of a general conversation as we walk. We chat about what training I still had to do, and how he had done in the early stages. Despite having not voiced my motivation for protecting Levi, I knew the answer right off the bat. I owed him too much to not do so. The list of reasons went on for years, and with each I thought of, my shoulders got a little heavier. I didn't know how much Time was on my side, or was against me, being so blind to my situation wasn't normal for me. Or comfortable.

When we entered the mess-hall we part ways, he gives a small nod instead of a bow this time, thankfully. Though as I go and sit with Isabel and Farlan, I see Erwin watching Mike collect his food, and the man in charge does not seem pleased. Either he was a good little actor himself, or he was genuinely confused as to why his guard dog had just fraternised with the enemy. What a bad pooch. It is a little sad to consider I'll probably have been executed by the time he would earn my trust, poor bastard.

Soon Levi joins the table, tea in hand as he sits and listens to Isabel gush about the potential I'd shown on the gear. He occasionally looks my way, but it's a weird look and not one I know. It's almost like he's angry, but confused about feeling that way. As long as I had known Levi he had always been firm on when he felt such things, and why. So what had I done now, to cloud that judgement? I needed him sharp, dammit, or else I'd never get him through this shit-show. He doesn't speak much, only answering direct questions. But I try and ignore him, focusing on the conversation with the other two. But all the while, all the way through our meal, I feel that cold confused gaze flickering my way and lingering a little longer each time. It had been only a day since he confessed to missing our little chats, perhaps he was annoyed he had confessed that? I sigh as I finish my meal, nah, he wouldn't give two craps about that. He didn't bother much with regret.

Whatever it was, it'd surface soon, as he was never good at withholding stuff from me.

The sun is fully set by the time we all head for our bunks, and finally Isabel's twittering dies down to little mumbles as we enter the dorm. A few glances are thrown our way, but I see the fruits of my labour from my interaction with Mousey. The eyes look, but the expressions remain carefully blank. A couple even smile, or wave. I nod back, not seeing the point in being hostile if they were willing to keep up their end of the bargain. Isabel has no clue why their attitudes have changed, but she definitely seems happier as we get to our bunks and say goodnight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please leave a fav, follow or review; all are highly appreciated.
> 
> See you all next time! Unless no one is actually reading this... I genuinely don't know on this site...


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading, please leave a fav, follow or review; all are highly appreciated!
> 
> This is a shorter Chapter, to keep things rolling, and to get onto some real action soon.
> 
> I hope you enjoy, prepare for some feels.
> 
> Thanks for the continued support.

Apparently sleep isn't a luxury I'm allowed tonight. A hand prods my shoulder, and I sit upright, defensive position ready, small blade from under my pillow drawn. Years alone in the Underground had trained me to sleep lightly, but I think even this surprised my disturber. There's a surprised huff and a few retreating steps. My eyes adjust to the dark, I see Levi stood with his hands outstretched and a bored look on his face. That stupid prick. I groan as I realise he's decided to voice his tantrum now. He had the worst timing. Didn't he know I'd had a trying day of intimidating people on his behalf? He waits as I put the blade back under my pillow, grab my coat and get up to follow him out. Whatever it was, it clearly couldn't wait. He was calm, but his hands were clenched into fists. Something was brewing behind those grey eyes.

He leads me up and out onto the roof, I guess he thinks it's the safest place to talk openly. I don't mind being out under the stars, despite that niggling fear, but really it's just cold. He paces a little, and I stand rubbing my arms, patiently waiting for the rant to begin. What the hell had I done now? I was looking after Isabel, and generally stayed out from under his feet. Don't tell me he's getting withdrawal symptoms from my wonderful metaphors.

"Just what the hell are you playing at?" he finally snaps, stopping in front of me and glaring fiercely. I stare at him, and try to deduce what he was prattling on about. Surely my little outburst with Mousey hadn't reached his ears that quickly? He was in a funk during Dinner, that seemed ridiculously quick for him to have heard. Unless my assumption about Isabel had been correct, and she'd mentioned me talking with Mike to Levi. As he grits his teeth, I guess I was right after all.

"Care to elaborate Levi?" I yawn, rubbing my eye. Suddenly he grabs my wrist, and holds tight, I hiss against the pain but he doesn't let up. I meet his fiery gaze, and notice the lack of reason there. What the hell had gotten into him? Even if he had heard, this seemed like an overreaction.

"What the hell Levi… gah… let me go!"

"First you make a damned stupid threat against the entire regiment, and then you cosy up to that damn sniffer dog. Just what game are you playing?"

"The threat was real enough." I snap back at him, and he growls lowly.

"I don't need your protection. And I can protect the other two. Just when did you start considering yourself my mother?"

"Never have, never will." I reply curtly, setting my mask in place as I try and dance around the Erwin shaped Elephant currently sitting on the roof with us. That conjured quite the image. An elephant with those eyebrows… wow. Hang on… what's an elephant again?

"Then why?" his jaw is taught and it feels like he's trying to break my arm. But I just glare back at him, all the while trying to break out of his possessive grip.

"Because I was sick of the stupid looks, thought I might scare the damn kids into some sense. They're being prats, you know it, I know it, and so I did something about it."

"And got yourself a hefty load of attention. We don't need that kind of attention."

"We? I didn't think you considered me in the 'we' collective."

"Don't be petty."

"Why is it you don't want the attention then?" I snap, then instantly regret it as I realise, that's not dancing around the elephant, that's bloody mounting it. He growls, and finally releases my wrist. I rub it but make no other move, he was clearly in a rage, and would easily lash out. It seemed his temper had calmed to all but me. Good to know I was special.

"How did you get such a reputation?" suddenly he's quiet, speaking barely above a whisper as he glares at the ground.

I decide to ignore his dodging of the question, as it actually helps me out of my verbal blunder. So instead I just sigh, and sit down on the wall, ignoring his flexing hand towards me. Bugger his temper, if this was where he was going now. It was too late for this shit.

"Answer me, brat."

"I got my reputation for exactly that reason."

"What reason? That I call you brat? I call every—"

"You call all the people you protect that, yeah? Well, when I suddenly branched out on my own, it didn't exactly make me a formidable opponent."

"Excuse me?" He marches over, and stands in front of me, probably enjoying the opportunity to loom. I lean back casually, hanging my head back as he demands this pointless tale. It didn't matter how I got the reputation, he hadn't known about it much in the Underground because no one wanted to speak to him about me. They were scared of his reaction, so I stayed a dirty little secret. Obviously he had never inquired after me, in all that time, so it seemed stupid to want answers now. I sigh, much to his annoyance, and look without patience at his pouting little face.

"I had to get a big reputation before those bastards tore me apart."

He almost says something, but the retort seems to die in his throat. He knew this was true. With Levi I was protected, that had been the damn source to all the trouble in the first place. But after leaving, and freeing him from that trouble, I had to counteract my sudden lack of formidable partner. The hungry looks I got from those weasels; I was a sitting duck. So I let myself use the anger I felt for myself, the hatred for what that hell we lived in had done to us. I used it all, and forged a reputation of my own. It didn't take long before my name was carved in bloodied stone.

I finally get the courage to look at him, and he's looking at me with something dangerously close to pity. I grit my teeth. My pride wasn't about to let that subject be lingered on. Not a damned chance.

"Why so curious now? Annoyed that people are as scared of me, as they are of you? Hurting your ego is it?"

"I just want to know, who the hell you are."

"So now I'm some monster you don't know? How fucking convenient. Look Levi, either you missed me, or you distrust me."

"It can easily be both." He snarls, a light pink dusting across his cheeks now. I click my tongue and shake my head at his stupidity, my eyes are getting warm. My emotions begin to bubble beyond my control, but I fight it.

"I left to save you from yourself, you know this, we've talked about this. My dark deeds since then are of little consequence."

"Fucking hypocrite." He barks, slapping me round the face. I shoot him a look, not flinching away from the piercing pain now spreading across my face. He looks, for a small moment, like he regrets having done that. But right now I'm too pissed to take that into account; I lunge forward, block his counter-attacks easily, and pin him to the floor. He struggles, as always, but I just squeeze his ribs with my legs till he yields and stays put. I taught him how to fight, and I could still take him down without issue. He stares up blankly, eyes occasionally flickering to the blossoming bruise on my cheek.

"I'm not a hypocrite."

"Bullshit. You claim you left because I was turning into a psycho, because I was too violent in protecting you. But as soon as you left, it seems like you went and did that yourself." He looks me up and down, and shakes his head almost in disgust. It stings but I keep most of it at bay. "The way those Cadets look at you, the Katsumi. Claws of the Underground. You turned into a fucking animal. Who are you, to judge me?"

"I just let myself return to what I was always mean to be. You on the other hand were never meant to be a bloodthirsty monster. That's the difference, you foolish man."

"What? Why not? What makes you allowed to spill blood, and not me?" he mutters, staring at me coldly. I grunt and sit up, keeping him in place with my weight, and legs, but holding his gaze all the while. The cold wind whirls round us, moaning as it does so. It seems we left the top off the bottle, and the vapours of the past were gradually escaping now. He waits, and I suck a bitter breath between my teeth. Keep it together woman.

"You were never meant to be so cruel… but I was born into hell Levi, it is in my fucking blood."

"Just because I was born on the surface makes me exempt?" he snorts in disregard of my words, I tighten my legs and he gasps, but keeps going with a cold snarl. "So Isabel and Farlan are evil as well?"

"No, they met you early enough to avoid that."

"And you didn't?!"

"I did, but I ruined it." I say, a crack appearing as my eyes prickle and my damn lips wobble. His expression softens a little, but I just hold him down tighter. "I became a fucking burden, and made you do things you were never meant to."

I slam my hands down, either side of his head.

The tears brim my tired eyes as I relive the agonising truth about my damned soul.

"When we met, when we were kids… you showed me what kindness was. Dammit Levi… I never even knew what it was before then. That's why I can't let you turn bad, you were the reason I even got a chance at being a decent human."

"Katsumi…"

"You asshole…" I sob, letting myself crumble slightly onto his chest. "I love you too damn much to let you fuck it up now. Though don't go getting cocky with that sentiment."

"Never could, you crazy bitch." His arms wind round me and he runs a hand through my hair. "You never had to repay me for anything, and yet you've already done so a thousand times over. Stop punishing yourself, you beautiful idiot. Stop denying the fact I can be a prick."

"Oh, I'm not." I mumble, and he chuckles a little, laying an oddly affectionate kiss against the top of my head. The world is whirling around me, and I cling to him, trying to steady myself. "But I can't let you…"

"Let me what? I know I'm a prick…"

"I can't let you ruin this. You got out. You can't throw that away because of… shit…"

"How am I supposedly about to fuck this up?" his arms tense a little, as he suspects me having found out about his plan to kill Erwin. I can practically hear the realisation going through his head. I grip his shirt, and hold him still when he makes a move to get up.

The elephant is dancing.

"By giving… by giving into that same bloodlust I tried to save you from." I mumble, body shivering as I desperately try, and decide whether or not to fully divulge my plan. Would this all send him off the edge, to Erwin's office right now to do it? No, they had other things to do first. That was what Farlan had been planning; Erwin's death wasn't a viable option to them till after whatever that was, right? Well whatever this damned plan was, I knew it would only end badly. I had time. Perhaps I could let Levi know, perhaps he would tell me what this was all about at long last. Maybe?

"And how won't you let me do it?"

I hold my breath, and wait for the coin in my head to fall. It lands on heads; a big fat golden head with ridiculously large eyebrows. I had to tell him. Levi wouldn't let this go till he had his answer. And he was almost as good at reading me, as I was at reading him.

"I'll kill him for you." I breathe, the weight only slightly leaving my heart as I confess my knowledge. Again he tries to move, but I just slam him against the stonework, and rest my forehead against his chest. It was so much easier fixing things from afar. Up close things got so damn messy. He's breathing deeply, and again the whirring of his mind is clear for me to hear. I slowly look up, and meet his determined gaze.

Nope, he isn't happy is he?

"What're you talking about, brat?"

"Please, I know you hate him but…"

"Kat—"

"No Levi!" I yell at him, hitting his chest with my fist. "Just let me do it. Don't throw your life away for the sake of a pitiful revenge plot. Don't be so stupid with your life, you're too important for that crap!"

"How the fuck do you know…"

"It doesn't matter. Just let me do it for you."

"No." he growls, and I slam him against the floor again, baring my teeth at him as more tears fall. "Cut it out, brat. I'm the one who'll kill him. It's already decided."

"No, let me."

"Why?! You've sullied your name enough!"

"Exactly, it makes no difference now. But I can still save you."

"You've pinned a lot of hope, on the wrong person." He mutters, still furious as he tries to shift me. "I didn't think you were this damned stupid, I guess I was wrong yet again. Get off me, brat. This is my task, not yours."

"No!"

"You don't get to swan back into my life after ten years and order me around. That isn't how this works—"

"Levi…" I groan, putting my forehead to his and staring into his eyes doggedly.

"Spit it out, and get off me."

"It doesn't matter if you do it yourself or not, either way I'll be blamed. Just don't put more blood on your hands. Please." I sigh, closing my watering eyes as my composure is lost to this big open world. Without closed in walls, and a suffocating ceiling, I didn't know how to keep this shit contained. This was scaring the hell out of me, and all I could do was feel anger. It was ripping me apart.

He's very still all of a sudden, and I look into his broiling eyes.

"What do you mean? How can you be blamed either way?" it was the first time I'd heard fear in his voice for many a moon. But it was there. His eyes shone a little; he knew my bluffs, and he knew this wasn't one of them. I smile half-heartedly and sit up a little, our faces still only an inch or two apart.

"With those threats of mine going round the compound, it'll be easy to convince them it was all my doing." I snigger tiredly, and I feel him begin to shake with rage. "It wasn't even my original intent but… haha, it's completely true. And you know it."

I fall to the side, exhaustedly chuckling as more tears fall down my face. Perhaps I'd already succeeded. Even if he did put more blood on his hands, he'd be able to live to clean it off. Either way it should be me that's brought down in flames. A little more weight flies from my heart. The burden of ten years wringing me out like an old rag. He gets onto his knees, and angrily pounds the rooftop with his fist. Pointless really.

"Why didn't you just stay gone?" he hisses, and I feel it sting me deeply, too deeply. I just sob again, and wipe my eyes pathetically, still half laughing as I gasp at the cold air. "Why didn't you just stay where I couldn't hurt you anymore…"

"I guess fate fancied giving us another go." I say as my stupid sobbing finally dies down, and I wipe away the last of my tears.

My whole body aches as the world is laid bare before us. He knows my intent, and my knowledge of his. He looks up at me, and huffs, shaking his head. I sniff a little and smile softly.

"We're stuck together Levi. And for now, I will do all I can to keep you from poisoning yourself." I look at the insignia on his jacket, and laugh quietly.

"What're you laughing about?"

"You always wanted to fly right? Well you got your wings, and now all we have to do is stay on our respective sides."

I stand over him, and as he straightens up, I grab his jacket collar and tug him will we're a breath apart. His eyes wander to my lips before snapping back to meet my gaze, a confused frown on that beautiful face of his.

"I'll do it. I'll be the dark wing for you, so you can stay in the light. Just keep climbing all right? Keep flying away from that hell hole, and stay where you were always meant to be." I shove him away, and walk back towards the door.

"Just live your own damned life, Kat." He pleads, voice cracking a little. Damn, I was really getting to him. Whatever happened to me being a traitor? Whatever happened to his hardened heart? I smile, perhaps I really had managed to save him. I stop just short of the door way, whole body shuddering now.

"I tried doing that, Levi. I really did. For ten, long, cold, years…"

"But?"

"As soon as I saw you again? I was made fully aware of how pointless those ten years were." I suck it up, and shake off the fresh tears, "So just stay out of my way, and let me do this. Let me make up for all I've done wrong."

"Against me, or the world?" he asks, a little closer now. I swallow hard, and look over my shoulder at him, a small smile tugging on my lips as a tear escapes my eye.

"You, obviously, you prat. I don't give a damn about the world."

"Would it make any difference if I said I forgive you?"

"No," I laugh, turning and walking over to him, placing my hands on his chest and kissing his cheek softly. "Because I know you're lying."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dem feels tho... unless you didn't feel them... then... Dem Dramatics tho...
> 
> Anyway hope you enjoyed!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience! Again, might be a bit shorter, but things are rather busy for me at present, so I'm doing what I can. Chained Wings will also be updated soon. Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Is anyone actually reading this on here?... not sure...

Blood drips form my blade. It leaks over the last shreds of my trousers, and pools across the stone floor. Steam rises from the hot liquid as it slides over the icy ground, and I shiver against nothing by the cold. The dead eyes stare up at me, demanding answers, but I feel nothing. I never did. The stilling of another human heart made me neither flinch, nor repent. I had been born into the shadows, and in the shadows I remained; trapped like the rat I was. I was only eleven years old, and yet I knew full well the weight of hell. It was where I lived, it had been where I was born, and it would be where I died. It would also be where I endured eternity. My father and mother, whoever they were, had clearly seen the evil in me. They dropped and ran.

On the wretches clothing I clean my blade, and sheath it in the make-shift leather pouch. Bedding it till another day. Or simply till another victim came my way. Whichever occurred first; it mattered little. I hiss as the pain in my side gets worse. The wound was deep, deeper than most. It was a decent blade he'd had, serrated at the edges with a fine bone handle. And it was mine now, safely stowed in my pouch till I can sell it, or decide to keep it for myself.

Shit.

I fall to my knees as the world swims. No. Not like this, not next to a mere victim. I was better than that at least. I was a hunter, not the prey. Wasn't I?

"You've made quite a mess, huh?" I spin at the voice, not recognising it. Voices never spoke to me; they yelled, they cursed, and they hissed. But none spoke. That would make me worth talking to. The figure stands at the end of the alley; about my height, and judging from that, about my age. I grip the blade tighter.

"Someone you knew I suppose?" I spit, readying to a new fight. There's a nonchalant shrug from the figure, and they push off the wall, shaking their head.

"No."

"Then why bother me? Stay back, I'll cut you down."

"Just wondered if you wanted to move away from my door. That's all." It sounds so bored with me already. I look around, confused by his words, but there's not door, just a small cubby hole. Oh. He's a street-rat, like me. I knew well, the territorial attitudes of my fellow urchins. We didn't play well together. I back away, keeping my blade held high as he matches my retreating shuffles, with approaching steps. "You can't get up huh?"

"I can…" I haul myself to my feet, swaying slightly, but I just grit my teeth and focus. I think I hear him laugh. How dare he? "I can s-still take you. S-stay back!" I hiss, shuffling back till another pang of pain crumples me, and I fall into the muck. Of all the ways, I thought this would end, this was far more pathetic than I'd ever imagined. Even at my lowest. As my world turns black I see him walk over to me, still silhouetted against a nearby streetlamp he seems swathed in light.

Who was this?

Who was going to kill me?

I at least wanted to know that.

"J-just tell me your n-name…"

"Why would that matter?" he says without emotion, closing in all the while. I flip the blade in my nimble fingers, and hold it handle side up to him. He pauses. "What are you doing? You want to die?"

"I figure I might as well die by my own blade, it's only me to blame for my death. And I want… y-your name… b-because I want to know who k-killed me." I'm slurring now, I know this but my pride sidles off out of sight. It can't be bothered with me anymore. The blade is taken from me, and I think he kneels by my head, holding the steel to my throat. It's cold. Why was hell always so cold?

"What does a name change?"

"Means I know who t-to look out f-for… n-next t-time …" and as my world fades to black, I see a flash of silver.

Little did I know that was when my life would begin, instead of end.

I sit bolt upright in the small bunk-bed. I hadn't had that dream for a long time. It wasn't a memory I minded revisiting; sure it had a bit of gore to it, but really it was the day he saved me. So why had I dreamt about it? I usually dreamt of memories I'd repressed. Not cherished.

I stare down at my adult hands, slim and pale. I remember how it felt to hold that blade, and cut short so many lives; I had been a demon. But an efficient one. How had he done it? Why had he done it? Taken such a broken little monster, and kept her by his side. I guess it started off as curiosity, and the fact he knew I'd be useful in a fight… but then? I scrape my hair back from my sweating face. At what point had our alliance become more than that? Even now, in 20/20 hindsight, with all that I'd learned over the years; his tells, his mannerisms, I still didn't know.

My legs wobble as I head for the showers, breathing still ragged as the past clings to my conscious mind.

The hot water runs down my back, and I sigh into the new day. I had been worried about forcing Levi's hand, and making him jump to kill Erwin. But I'd avoided that with my threats. I smile up into the torrent of water, and lather the soap in my hair. Somehow the mess was clearing, slipping away into a straight line. Which lead directly to an unmarked grave, beneath which would linger the rotting bones of Erwin Smith. Again I sigh. Next to it would be mine in all likeliness, but then again, walking in the free world would be Levi, Isabel and Farlan; I could certainly live with that. Live… that might not be the best word.

"Amazing how pleasing some hot water can be." Murmurs the unwelcome voice of Erwin Smith, and I sink my nails into the soap bar. Teeth clamped together; my dream flashing before my eyes in sickening detail. In that random man's place, now lies Erwin, beneath me as I free my friends form his games. The blood darkens; sullied by lies and scheming. The dead eyes turn blue; and they roll back slowly, bloodshot as I stab again, and again, dark flames of my old soul rising higher. My blade thirsts for more, and I breathe in through my teeth harshly. I rip out his blonde hair, I scratch at his chiselled face, I stab till he's nothing more than pulp.

And now I gag.

What the hell was I letting myself think?

I sink to my knees, and watch the water swirl round the plughole. All I had to do was end his life, I didn't need to make it so bloody. A simple slit of the throat. That was all. And yet I feel it burn, deep within me, the claws are aching for blood. And it doesn't even make sense. Sure, he had torn us out of our home; but it was a home we had all three, desperately sought escape from. Sure he had duped us into service, but what else would we have done on the surface but starved, and been refused a paying wage. He was making us deal with the danger of the world, and fight his crusade; but ultimately it was a golden ticket to the real surface world. Those huge plains that both terrified me, and enthralled me. So why did I thirst for his blood like a mangy dog at a bone?

"Cadet? Are you all right?"

"I'm fine Erwin, leave me be."

"Katsumi… I hadn't realised it was you. Apologies." And silence retakes the room, a gentle hiss of water being the only thing to break it. It was infuriating; one moment he was a smarmy bastard, well aware of his power over us. And the next? He was polite, reserved, and respectful. Just which way was the truth of it?

"No need to apologise, just… just leave me be." I breathe, shaking my head as I try and dispel the dark flames as they scorch my heart.

This man.

This thing I had grown to hate so much; and yet I didn't understand why. And then the images flashes before my eyes; Erwin ordering Mike to throw Levi in the mud, toying with all of us, parading us around the compound. But even then; it was all to help in his fight.

Suddenly I see why he's done all this.

I tangle my hands in my soaking hair, fighting the urge to scream at myself. Why was I understanding this now? Why not take the opportunity, go into that cubicle, grab the shower curtain, and strangle him. Hold his face down till nothing but gurgled chokes interrupt the gentle hissing of water.

Why not?

I let go of my head as my skull fizzes with pain at my grip. My hands shake in front of me. The claws were cracked, and broken. I wasn't the untamed beast I had been as a child, nor was I the woman capable of love, and compassion I had been with Levi, and suddenly the Claws of the Underground seems a far off concept too.

Who the hell am I?

"Katsumi, may I speak plainly?"

"Stood in a shower cubicle with only a thin partition between us? Why the hell not Erwin. Go right ahead." I say, gripping my hair, again and focusing on the pain. What am I meant to do? What the hell was the right choice? I had to help them; I had to keep Isabel, and even Farlan, up here on the surface where they belonged. I had to save Levi from himself. I had to repay all the wrongs I'd done him. I had to… I grip tighter, I had to get a damned hold of myself. This wasn't me; I wasn't a confused little woman, sobbing into her lack of understanding. I was Katsumi, I stood tall, helping the weaklings beneath me. Wasn't I?

"With the mission coming soon, once you have gone through assessment for your hand-to-hand, most likely… I would ask that you refrain from your plans till then."

I freeze, choking a little. The straight line that I'd managed to create, suddenly seemed to be tangling. It was messed up knot of a tangle, and I stare at it, blank and breathing deeply. What plans did he already know of? How the hell could he know anything?

"Please understand me, I do not intend to fight you."

The choking continues. How did he know? What did he know?

"What the hell Erwin? What're you talking about, you damn sadist." I pant, standing up shakily, and leaning against the wall. I hear a sigh, and hold my breath for his answer.

"I simply ask that you wait. Postpone killing me, till after we have at least left for the mission."

"K-Kill you?"

"Please, do not muddy this with pointless lies. You waiting, it is vital to the continuation of my new formation, and for the regiment as a whole. And by extension, humanity."

My heart lurches. What the hell was happening? I steady myself on the walls, and listen to the water, wondering if I'm simply in my bed, still dreaming. This made no sense. Why allow yourself to be murdered? Why confront your damn murderers? All for the sake of Humanity. No one was that damned principled. I look at my shaking hands, and swallow hard. Except maybe Levi? Or… myself…

"I-I… I—"

"Admit to nothing, simply consider my request."

"Why?" I say through gritted teeth, trying to deduce his game as he throws the dice. How would this benefit him? Why not just withhold the information, and have me killed on the quiet instead? Even now, as he discusses me killing him, I feel like I'm the one at a disadvantage.

"I have already explained that. I looked into your request for sending a letter, and found your story to be true… it occurred to me, that whilst you are known as a bloodthirsty maniac… you are known as such for fundamentally noble reasons."

"Don't flatter me right now, or I will vomit." I didn't want his flattery, it wouldn't help him, I could still do it. I could still end him, no matter how many compliments he spewed out. My compassion, my ability to love; that was something reserved for those I deemed worthy of it. Worthy of loving, and worthy of protecting. I had thus far, not seen Erwin as worthy, I had seen him as nothing beyond contemptable. And yet now, that resolve shakes. Damn him.

"I do not intend to flatter. Simply explain why I would even hope that you might do as I ask. The compassion you show that woman in helping her vision for those children, for the good it has done, it led me to hope you might show that same compassion to the children we could help protect through the regiments work."

I lay my head against the tiling; the damned faces staring at me, young and innocent as they remained shrouded in darkness. But not consumed by it. The day I shook hands with Chia, was the day I clung to the last shred of light left in me. Left by Levi. I clutch at my chest, feeling like my heart might just try, and fully abandon this sinking ship. I'd supposedly saved her, and those children, a new face brought into the orphanage almost every day… but really? Really they'd saved me. And this clever bastard had figured that out. Somehow.

"Playing on my weakness… nice move, Goldie."

"It isn't a move Katsumi, simply a calculated plea."

"You doubt your ability to defeat me, that much?"

"I know that once the Claws of the Underground has you in her sights, escape is never likely. I only want to help Humanity, it's been my sole goal for a long time. Though I understand I have done wrong, in order to do that."

"You know, and yet you continue to do it…" I mumble, looking at my own hands as this applies to their deeds to. A silence ticks by, and scrape my hair back. This conversation was running along a knife edge, my nerves sung all the while.

"As you yourself do. I'm not entirely sure Levi is deserving of such devotion, but it's clear that it is there. By killing those criminals, you gained justice for the many. By spreading that rumour of your rage, you avoid him condemning himself. By killing me, you ensure their remaining upon the surface. It's only logical."

"It's just business."

"I like to think of it as a little more personal… if you don't mind."

"Think what you wish." I say between teeth, irritated by his continued attempts at charm. When asking someone to kill you, and at a specified time, it seemed a little annoying to try and be suave to them. Like demanding someone leave a room, whilst shackling them to the wall. Bastard. I take a deep breath, and make my choice. "I'll grant your wish. But on one condition."

"And that would be?"

"Ensure they are not falsely accused. You have to absolutely guarantee that they won't be blamed, as accomplices or anything. Absolutely innocent. Do that, and I'll grant your wish. I'll stay my blade until we have gotten well into our mission. And only then will I kill you. But if I even think they could be given a moment of blame? I will make you suffer for days. Do I make myself clear?"

"Absolutely."

"I will need that guarantee before that mission. Understood?"

"Completely."

And with that, the deal is done. Our fates are sealed, and I feel my confusion clear. I could not let myself feel doubt again. The line was drawn; straight as can be. I cannot allow my foolish self to doubt this. And cloud the issue.

I stand, numb all over after my mindful turmoil. This morning was already too dramatic, and I hadn't even nauseated at my breakfast yet. I tug a towel from the wrack, and fold it round my solid body. Not a tremor runs through me now. The future was set. And Levi would be furious. But I wouldn't tell him this; I already regretted informing him, that I knew of his plans. And I knew I would further regret showing him the deal I had made. The hypocrite that he was, he would judge my deal as one with the devil. I walk along the corridor, barely seeing a thing as I contemplate how I'll do it. Clean, or messy? The calm in me satiates the dark flames, and I feel no thirst. Perhaps I would make it painless for the little saintly bastard.

Why did he need the extra time?

What could he be doing?

Did it have anything to do with why Farlan had asked for more time for his plan?

Was any of it connected?

The line was straight; but it seemed riddled with holes.

"You okay there, Kitty Kat? You look a little sad there." I suddenly stop as a pair of bright, beautiful green eyes block my path, auburn hair messily falling across them, as a gloriously curious look washes over me. I meet her gaze, and smile, well aware that those eyes would gaze upon the blue sky for the remainder of their days.

This little bird would be free.

She steps back, letting go of my arms as she grows cautious of me. My smile broadens. As if I could hurt you, one of the three people left in this world that I don't think I could kill. No matter how high the dark flames climbed. You are my exception kid, you're a flicker of light.

"Not sad, kid. Quite calm really… the world is finally starting to make sense again. Even out here, with all this unruly space." I chuckle, kissing her forehead and ruffling her hair. Her fear grows. "I'll see you at breakfast."

"Why didn't it make sense before?" she asks, eyes clouding in fret.

"Don't worry kid, I'm just being a daft woman. Get yourself ready, its hand-to-hand today, and I have lots to teach you. Time's running out you know."

"Why's time running out?"

"I don't think it'll be long till our first real mission, kid. I want you ready." I pat her head, and walk towards the dorms, well aware that she is still watching me go. I knew she'd be upset, perhaps a little heartbroken, once this was all over. But she had the world to see. I'd become nothing more than an old, bitter memory. I'd fade. Just like a shadow was meant to.

****

It's a chilled morning as I stretch my arms, and legs. The ring is small, as it's only for training. But still, there would be room to teach some lessons. I smile widely as Farlan enters, looking a little sheepish before noticing I'm watching, and smoothing out his expression. He had some pride. I relax as he rolls up his sleeves, and Isabel takes up a seat on the edge of the ring. Levi is elsewhere, presumably doing more gear training, showing those chumps what he could do. I wonder if he holds the Titan blades backwards... I also wonder if he refused this training because he saw it as pointless, or because he wished to avoid seeing me. Our late-night liaison had left him bruised. I had him beat into a corner, and it would take time for his egotism to heal. I just hoped not too much time. We were running out of it.

"So how come it's you, and not the Kid facing me first? I thought you'd want to test yourself against Kitty Kat, Isabel?" I laugh over to her, and she blushes a little, shaking her head as she swings her legs.

"I do. But I wanna see Farlan get beat first! Will make it hurt less when you're beating me."

"Decent logic kid, I like it."

"Yeah well I don't!" huffs Farlan, shaking his head at us both. "Let's just get this over with all right? Just don't go, and break anything."

"No promises." I chuckle, entering a fighting stance, and beckoning him forward. Time to dance pretty boy. Let's go.

We circle each other, low and lean as his quick eyes watch my movements. He has decent reflexes, which I test as we dance about. I make him a little nervous, shifting my feet about misleadingly, positioning my fists forward then back. Fooling him into flinches, and unnecessary dodges. He seemed nervous. That makes my smile broaden.

"You seem a little apprehensive there, Farlan… something wrong?"

"Look I'm well aware you're a good fighter, and I'm no glutton for punishment."

"Yeah but you have to train, and in order to do that, you have to engage."

"Why poke a bear, I know I can't beat?"

"A bear… not something I've been called often. But thanks all the same." I chuckle tilting my head with squinted eyes, he sighs and straightens up, thinking I'm not going to attack. I know you're blonde Farlan, but please, give yourself some credit. I swing down with my legs, and punch out to the side he automatically jumps to, as he leads with that leg. I crack him in the rib, and throw him into the dirt in the next instant. He stares up at the clouds, dazed as he contemplates his new view on the world.

"Okay there Farlan? Seems like the bear got you after all. Shame you never got the chance to give it a poke, eh?"

"Smart-ass."

"Sore loser." I laugh, holding out a hand to him. He takes it, a little flash going across his eyes as he readies himself, and attempts to wrench me from my feet. It's a decent move, and a good attempt at it. But all he does is enhance the force behind my head-butt. He lands once again, with mud around his ears. "Tsk, tsk, such unchivalrous behaviour from you Farlan, and here was me thinking you were a gentlemen."

"What gave you that idea?"

"Letting a lady go first, providing ample and generous opportunities for her to win. Practically giving me the victory. So lovely of you."

"No need to rub it in…" he grumbles, sitting up and brushing himself down. Somehow he could pout more than Levi, and that was impressive. I kneel down, and tap his chin so the sulking child will look at me. He does so, begrudgingly.

"Would you like me to show you where you went wrong?"

"I suppose… though don't throw me in the dirt again, woman. This stupid uniform is ridiculous to keep clean. Levi'll have a bitch fit if he sees this mess."

"You know, that just makes it more tempting to do it."

I help him up, and we begin the dance again. I tell him where he leaves the openings, and I instruct him on how to hide them. As well as how to find the opponents openings. He's foolish enough to think I haven't any. But as I point out; an old injury to my right upper ribs, always made my favour it, leaving the other side, ever so slightly exposed. As soon as I mentioned it, his quick eyes zone in, and widen. Perhaps not understanding how he'd missed it. I explain that an opponent using obvious misdirection tactics, was either very tricky, or very keen to keep something hidden. Usually the latter.

Despite his prideful demeanour, he is willing to learn. He takes it all in, and soon he's almost a challenge to me. Almost. I keep my word though, and avoid sending him to the dirt, instead I cast him against the ring's fence. It gives him splinters; but no stains. Really it had to be one or the other, how else was he going to learn?

"Isabel get your scrawny ass in here." He says as he limps away, and shoves the girl over, she's grinning but it soon fades as she stands across from me. I do the teaching with her first, but ignore the protestations of the sandy-haired man. She was cute, he was less so. I didn't fancy hurting her, wasn't so bothered about bruising him up. It wasn't fair, but I never said I was.

"Why is it you know how to fight so well, Kitty Kat?" pants Isabel as she just manages to dodge my latest attack. The kid has amazing speed; she just needs to match it with some poise. I nudge her other foot, and she stumbles immediately. "It's plain inhuman!"

"I got a lot of good, harsh beatings when I was a kid. And I decided to learn from them. All my technique is old bruising. Simple as."

"I guess that means Levi was better at avoiding trouble, if you had to teach him." Laughs Farlan as he sits, a little gingerly, on the fencing. I smile at him and take a bow, twirling out of the way of Isabel's flailing punch. I grab her wrist, pull it up behind her, and only then come out of my bow with a sly wink. Farlan is gaping.

"Indeed he was, and I have never understood how. Guess some were born in the shadows, whilst others enjoy simply hiding in them when need be."

"How come you were born down there, but turned out so decent Kit Kat?" asks Isabel as I teach her a better blocking method; kid was leaving herself out there, exposed and vulnerable. It's only after I show her the proper way to stand, that her words hit me. And they strike hard. I lower my hands, and smile at her. Again her fear appears, and Farlan leans forward slightly as I smile lamely at them.

"Decency is very contextual. But thanks all the same, kid. Say… I know how you wound up with Levi, but what about you Farlan?"

"If I start training again, can I dodge the question?" He replies looking away with a blush.

"If you can dodge three hits, sure."

He considers me, and the fact I've already told him all my tells, and agrees.

He was clever; but funnily enough still pretty stupid.

One.

Two.

Three.

He lands on his back, wheezing as dust circles round and lays into his hair. Isabel is rolling on the ground, howling in laughter. When he grits his teeth, readying himself to launch upwards, and into a fool hardy attack, I decide to avoid such an embarrassment, stopping it before it can begin. I kick him down, flip over on my hands, and pin him down. He struggles, but his arms are under my knees, and I'm thinking heavy thoughts. The bugger can barely wiggle.

"C'mon. Spill."

"I can't breathe, Kat!"

"If you can whine, you can breathe, now spill it mister!" I coo, pinching his nose and wiggling it. I used to do this with troublesome children in the Orphanage, to the ones that had given Chia too much cheek that week. Or had refused to clean their bedrooms.

"C'mon Farlan! How'd you end up with big Bro?!" giggles Isabel, though I'm sure she knows the answer. I sense embarrassment comes with this story, which only makes me pin him harder. He squeaks.

"You're sadistic, y'know that, woman!?"

"Now that's something I've been called many times."

"Look, I saw him fight off a bunch of guys, wanted him to join my gang. It just went from there… especially when I lost my gang." he struggles, but again I tweak his nose. "Get off!"

"Not buying that for a second. There's more to it!" I laugh, and his blush deepens when he meets my eye. This makes me tilt my head, his heartbeat just increased. Why was he nervous? "What's with the big secret?"

"Look not everyone is a badass, like you… okay?"

"Never said they were, and I have never claimed to be that. Isabel is the one always claiming I'm one of those." I say, leaning down, and peering into his eyes, as though trying to read the answer written on the back of his skull. No such luck. His blush deepens, and I frown. "It can't be that bad."

He looks to the side, dodging the question and my eyes. Or is he doing something else entirely? He's checking all around, like he's making sure a certain someone can't hear him. Levi is far across the compound; and even his hearing isn't that good. I look down at Farlan, who continues to turn his head as best he can. I snigger.

"You didn't try, and take Levi on did you? In some dumbass attempt to recruit him?"

"No, no, I didn't!" He wails, and I snort loudly, joining in with Isabel, whose howling only gets worse. She's heard this story. And it's still funny.

"You tried to recruit him? Oh… you sweet little thing…" I lean my head against his chest, and continue to giggle. I feel him judder, as he finds our laughter infectious. "You were in charge of a gang though, that's pretty impressive considering your age. Not too far off a badass after all." I chuckle, finally getting off him, and helping him up. He's still bright red, but is now looking at me, with lots of confusion.

"Why wouldn't I try, and recruit him?"

"Because he clearly enjoys being alone? Kind of puts up a big sign plastered across that shiny forehead of his." I go, and sit with Isabel on the fence, nudging her as her giggling finally dies down. She had pebbles stuck in her hair.

"Well you joined up with him."

"It was actually more of a case of… wrong place, right time, colliding forces. Just sort of… happened. So when did you see him?"

"I was out on a job with my group, and we saw him strolling along. Thought nothing of it at first but then…" he leans on the fence, and sighs at the memory, still baffled by it. "He took on five men, twice his size, and all by himself. I don't think he even broke a sweat. I was desperate to have him!"

"Kinda like Erwin eh? Everybody wants a bit of Levi… he's such a hussy."

"It isn't the same at all!" he huffs, outraged at my comparison. I smile, though inwardly note that Farlan is correct. Not entirely the same. Erwin wants Levi to help him, save humanity. Farlan probably wanted him, to help rob the merchant's blind. Slightly less honourable. Though the fact I had attached that word, the likes of Erwin Smith… it sort of made my blood chill.

"Yeah, yeah, don't worry. Your secret's safe with me, kid. Though after him handing you your ass… hold on… you said you lost your gang… that's what happened to your gang isn't it? You tried to take him on, 'persuade' him to join, and he sorted all of you out. The wee buggers ran off, right?"

"I hate that you can read me that well."

"Sorry, love."

"Yeah… I guess he kinda took pity on me after that." He growls, but with a smirk. "Plus, I'd like to point out, I'm practically the same age as you. So less of the kid?"

"Pfft makes no difference." I chuckle shaking my head, and he smiles. "Though there's no way it was pity. Levi doesn't do that. He probably thought the way you went about trying to get him, was smart or something… whatever it was, he saw something useful in you. So no, not pity."

"Thanks… Can I say something?"

"You've been managing it, this entire time, so I don't see why not. What's on your mind?"

"Don't tell Levi I said this but… seems like you should've been the one in charge."

"Excuse me? Don't go making me doubt your intelligence now, kid."

"Look, I can take Levi fairly well, but you just decimated me."

I get off the fence and smirk at his good intentions, but scheming manner.

"You trying to start a fight?"

"No… but—"

"Let's just say, you're better than Isabel, Levi's better than you, and I'm better than Levi; but we're all better than these clowns. That's all we need to know out here." I wander round the ring, arms up and head hanging back. Light footsteps charge up to me, and Isabel gives me a grumpy shove.

"I can take Farlan!" she pouts, I smile and whisper into her ear, winking at Farlan as I do.

"Yeah I know kid, but he's a man, and they need their little ego's attended to."

Out of nowhere, the slightly squawking voice of Hanji starts laughing, before she snorts and slaps me hard on the back. I fight the urge to deck her.

"Finally! Someone else with a human brain!" she chortles, holding her stomach and soon enough Isabel has joined in. I shake my head at them, and notice Farlan sat scratching his head at the female species.

"Fancying a lesson Hanji? Or you think you can take Kitty Kat?" says Isabel, punching Hanji's shoulder, and waggling her eyebrows. The scientist holds up her hands, and retreats to the edge of the ring.

"I have basic hand-to-hand down, and against normal people I'm good. I'll stick to my books otherwise okay? Don't feel like gaining a concussion today, too much work to do!"

"Maybe tomorrow then?"

"Sure thing Claws, sure thing!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See you next time, hopefully at a more regular interval, but if not, I apologise in advance, however be assured all stories will be updated as and when I can. Your patience, and continued support is all appreciated.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Hello hello!
> 
> So sorry it's been so long, still so busy, but I hope this is worth the wait! Although I would reiterate right now, that no matter how long its been, i WILL be updating. If for whatever reason, i DO decide to end this story, or any others, I'll put it on the description, or list it as completed etc. I know the pain of never knowing if a story will be updated or not, and will not leave you guys in the lurch like that.
> 
> Anyway! On with the show!
> 
> Disclaimer: Still don't own AOT, and obviously spoilers for OVA A Choice With No Regrets. Duh.

The training feels like it'll never end, and I'm growing tired of it. This mission had to happen soon, or I really would lose my patience and simply go for the kill. Damn him and his charming words. Damn him and his plans. I was not a patient woman at the best of times, and this was quickly becoming the worst of times. But of course before all that, I had to get my confirmation. That had been our deal. Those three had to have completely assured innocence. I realise that with each passing day, I'm just giving him what he wants, but he should also be aware that he is only risking a terrible death. He knew my reputation, and so he should also know I have many a twisted method at my disposal. With each day he potentially double-crossed me, added another day of his suffering. I knew how to make death last.

Levi continues to avoid me, unable to look me in the face until he's figured out a way for me to get out of this. He won't though. He can't. I know that, and can't help but feel a little guilty for backing him into such a small corner. But it was all for his sake. That in itself makes me squirm, I was beginning to sound like Kenny. I shudder at the idea, but comfort myself with the fact I was preventing him from doing bad things, instead of encouraging him, as Kenny would have. I was nothing like that scraggly bearded bastard.

I speak to Mike about what Erwin asked of me, but he finds it hard to believe that his comrade would know of my intent, and not act on it. Wasn't his style apparently, not that this is news to me. Mike warns me against assuming it to be the truth, Erwin could easily have another motive bubbling away under the surface. That man was an excellent juggler. I ask Mike why he would warn me of this, I knew he had discovered a sense of respect for me, but it didn't make sense for him to completely turn his back on Erwin. The man just smiles at me, almost like a brother would.

"I just want you to have all the facts."

It seems he doesn't wish to take sides, and in the end it's probably the wisest decision possible. Considering how little everyone seemed to actually understand about the Blonde Squad leader, I was amazed anyone had bothered speaking to me about it. Hanji didn't know anything, simply because I couldn't read her mania very well. I couldn't tell if she was to be trusted or not. But she continued to be amazingly friendly, to both me and the other three, so I was fine with her. If a little weary.

I'm walking back from dinner when I hear an owl hoot.

Inside.

I edge to the corner and peer round, watching Farlan leave Erwin's office and relocking it. Those idiots were still trying to do something. Didn't they know their freedom was assured? Then again, no. Of course they didn't. I look to the heavens, all these secrets were getting annoying. I needed a list of who knew what, and how. My mind, being the old ragged thing it was, really couldn't keep this going much longer.

I shake my head and head to the roof for my nightly cool off. The more days passed, the less calm I was able to remain. I was fidgety, and uneasy. I knew what I needed to do and yet I was treading water, letting the bastard I was intending to kill, buy time. The more I thought about it, the more I questioned my own brain faculty.

The cold night air helps. I was even getting used to the fact the sky changed every single time I looked at it. Originally it had unnerved me, and made me nervous at the inconsistency. But now I found it refreshing. Enlightening even. Change wasn't something I was used to; but was something I'd always aspire to. Even if I never accomplished it. Even now, as the clouds smothered the stars, and moonlight, it was layered, and ever changing. Nothing like the tomb of our past. I was lucky to have known such changing wonder, before the end.

"Idiots." I hear the familiar mutter of Levi, and then an irritated huff as he realises I've beaten him up here. Well I'm not going anywhere, I parked my ass first. I glance at him, and pat the wall next to me. He hesitates, but knows there's no helping it.

"So who's got under your skin this time?" I ask, looking back up at the sky to avoid him feeling scrutinised. For someone so composed, he always seemed uneasy under my gaze. Had it always been like that? I can't really remember.

"Isabel and Farlan refuse to listen to reason."

"My, my, how you're rubbed off on them, big bro."

"Weird, I was about to say, that you had." He huffs, sitting down heavily, and giving me a harsh nudge on the shoulder. I snigger a little, and lean back, shaking my head at his little tantrum. Normality returns a lot easier to us than I always expect. It never fails to surprise me.

"What's the problem then? Didn't they find anything with their snooping?"

"How the… never mind. You always seem to know." He murmurs.

"Of course I do, it's my job to keep an eye on you young roughians."

"I'll ignore that…" he mutters shaking his head, but he purses his lips and gives a tired sigh. It seems like he was really at the end of his rope, and that usually made him desperate, which made him over-protective, which made him stupid. "They need to find some documents Erwin has… it was part of the deal we made when coming up here."

"No luck so far then?" I muse, and he shakes his head. I feel relief, but keep it to myself. My own deal with Erwin might end up on the rocks if he got pissed off at them. For now I was in the clear, but I clearly needed that guarantee sooner, rather than later.

"When are you planning on doing the deed anyway?"

"I thought I'd do it on the mission, it might get put down to a casualty of war."

"Not likely, but it's a decent enough idea."

"Oh Levi, stop, you do know how to make a girl blush!" I fan at my face and flutter my eyelashes. He ignores me, staring out over the compound. I feel like I should be smelling smoke, he looks so deep in thought.

"Still being a stubborn ass about it?" he finally mutters and I sit up, nudging him back.

"I'm not the subject here. What exactly did those two do? Must be bad to have gotten your knickers so bunched up? Or… more than usual at least."

He hesitates, but thankfully realises there was also no helping my curiosity. It was never ending, so it was easier to just spill the beans, before I stole them. He explains about the original job they were brought up here for, and I have the sneaking suspicion everything was connected. This document they sought out, was likely tied to the reason Erwin wanted me to postpone his death. Gathered information on a certain nobleman. Blackmail. Yet again connections were made, and potential complications. It was always so damned tangled up here. Then he mentions how he wants them to stay behind on the mission, about how he wants to keep them safe as he isn't sure he can protect them out there. This being what lead to the argument. They wanted his trust, and they wanted to go with him, so that he wasn't alone. He didn't understand it. The moron looks completely lost.

I try my best, but I can't help but laugh.

"And you're cackling at me because?"

"Because you're a fucking hypocrite." I slap his shoulder, and lay my head there with another giggle as I feel the frown he's throwing my way. I supposed we were as bad as each other at this, but I was enjoying the frank conversation too much to think on this too long. I would miss this. I would miss him. I wonder if he'll miss me.

"Explain, brat."

"You hate that I won't let you do in Erwin, and you also hate that I'm doing it in order to protect you. And yet there you go, doing the same thing. Of course they won't agree to you going alone, you absolutely marvellous dumbass." I sigh, still chuckling every now and again. He sighs heavily, and shifts uneasily beneath my head. I sit up and frown at him, he seemed uncomfortable to be so close to me. Since when was that the case?

"I…" he grits his teeth a little angrily. "I don't want to lose them, like I lost you."

I tense, but he doesn't move otherwise, just looks at his hands clasped on his lap. It isn't a dig, it isn't even him being cruel or pointed. He just confessed. I ignore my guilt, and lace my hand into his squeezing tight.

"You won't, if you accept the fact they want to protect you just as much as you want to protect them."

"Not that easy."

"Levi, don't be a bitch. Let them in, trust them a little more. Everything'll work out."

"Since when were you such an optimist?"

"Keep in mind you're finally up where the birds fly, start looking for the brighter side of the picture. Would be a change of pace for you, grumpy old bastard." I breathe, squeezing his hand again. A smirk threatens to break free and he squeezes back, looking up with a slight frown.

"Kind of difficult when it all looks the same."

"What's that now?"

"When it's all cloudy like this. The sky looks no different to the ceiling down there, just as dark, just as stagnant."

"You're an idiot." I sigh, letting go of his hand so I can walk along the little wall to allow some breathing room. He watches me, but doesn't move. "Clouds shift a lot faster, and easier, than solid rock. Just be patient, it'll all work out."

"You keep saying that, and yet I know you're lying." He looks back out over the compound, dodging my look as I spin round. "Please make it look like an accident. Please?"

"I…"

"We always seem to fucking run out of Time." His jaw sets. "I'm sick of it. And it's always because one, or both of us, is being an ass. Why can't we learn?"

"Because we're old bastards set in our ways."

"I guess…"

"Look Levi, they'll be up here any second, so I'm going to scarper. But just… just keep in mind that they want to protect you too. You're important to them, and you shouldn't belittle that." I say, jumping down from the wall to pat his shoulder and kiss the top of his head. He turns to look at me, and I feel a shiver run down my spine.

"Try looking in a mirror, Claws."

"And see this ugly mug? No thanks." I laugh, but before he can retort, there's the tell-tale sign of jabbering voices. I smile at him, and head down from the roof so they can all have their little moment together. This was his little family now, and I was simply a visitor in that. This was something they needed to sort out the three of them, and yet I knew they would. Despite his stubborn habits. They made a good team. I really think they'll be able to look after each other in this big world. Now all I have to do is ensure they can.

It doesn't take long to make it to Erwin's office, and I see a light from under the door. He's pacing I think, the light cutting off every now and again to the sound of footsteps. It's late, and really a commanding officer should either be buried in paperwork, or asleep, readying for a new day. Tut, Tut, Erwin you naughty boy. He's thinking, and therefore potentially scheming. With the opportunity to derail one of his trains of thought presented, I march over and knock loudly.

"I do not wish to be disturbed."

"Could care less if I tried."

I wait as the steps suddenly stop, to quickly approach the door. It flies open, and he stands there looking a little confused. I smirk at his surprise, and take note of his slightly informal appearance. No straps for gear in place, and he doesn't even have his jacket on. Such scandalous behaviour. I look over his shoulder, standing on my tip toes slightly.

"Interrupting something am I? Do you have a Cadet in there earning extra credit? It's all right deary, I'm sure he's paying you handsomely!"

"What is it you want Katsumi?"

"To talk business, now be a good little gentleman of the regiment, and invite me inside. It's chilly out here, a lady is likely to catch cold."

He frowns, but steps aside and gestures me in. I smile and enter, enjoying the strong scent of fine liquor. A fire is blazing in the hearth, and a generously filled tumbler sits upon his desk. The office seems a lot more welcoming right now, than it did when I first came in. I walk over to the grand desk, take up his lush leather seat, prop my feet up, and swirl my newly acquired drink. Stinks of money.

"I have your confirmation." He says after I've taken a few long sips, enjoying the quiet crackle of the fire. I smirk at him, and make the dark liquid swish in the glass hypnotically. He remains standing there, looking like he has a flag pole rammed between his cheeks, but I see no reason to ask him to relax. I want him on edge. I want him scared. If he had already done as asked, then I wasn't allowed to torture him when the time came. So these little moments would be all I had for solace. My cruel side would have to make do.

"Then why haven't I heard from you? Seems strange that I had to come to you to find that out. You wouldn't be trying something stupid, would you, Erwin?" I drain the glass and suck air through my liquor washed teeth. It's fiery as I breathe it in. It's wonderful. He shifts his weight, and smooths back his already pristine hair. He really was nervous.

"I simply failed to come up with an appropriate reason to call for you."

"If you're going to lie, at least do me the service of putting a little effort into it?" I chuckle, removing my feet from the desk, and standing up. He watches me closely, probably searching for weapons as I make my way round the desk, and causally drop the heavy glass onto the surface.

Clunk.

"Whatever your reason, it matters little now. Where's my confirmation?"

He stares at me as I approach him, and I see something weird twinge in his eyes. He's going to try something, I can tell. He doesn't have a weapon on him, I know that much for certain. But was he seriously going to attempt to persuade me against killing him? Seemed a little late to do that now.

"I'm waiting Erwin?"

"I have sent frequent reports of progress to heads of state, including the head of the MP's, the Garrison, and Darius Zackly. Those reports speak highly of those three, and of their co-operation. Whilst I list your lack thereof."

"Painting me the villain, and them the heroes. All right, I guess that's all you can do." I look to the fire, wondering if there was anything I could do to seal the deal, but I didn't want to lay it on too thick. Or else it would just cause the opposite effect, and make them look guilty.

"Why are you risking so much for them?" he says, stepping a little closer to me. I tense, unsure of whether or not he would actually be stupid enough to attempt attacking me, but as I read the atmosphere, that isn't what I sense. I frown and turn to him. His hand lowers, had he been about to touch me?

"Why do you care?"

"Is that not allowed?"

"You got Levi, and two other damn good soldiers. Your mission continues, and I get to keep him good, and repay an old debt. Everyone's happy."

"And yet, you have to end up on the hangman's noose?" he frowns, face aglow in the light of the fire as his voice softly rumbles through the warm air. I ignore the way he's angled his body, and I ignore the way his eyes travel over me. It might work on the high society ladies mate, but this cat ain't thirsty for your milk.

"And you end up dead, keep that in mind Erwin. I'm not the only one running out of wick to burn." I smile and begin to walk for the door, wondering how stupid he thought I was. Was he seriously going to try charming me? Create some slapdash connection, and hope my fluttering female heart latched onto him. That I couldn't possibly kill him? How good did he think he was in the sack? I pause at the door and look over my shoulder at him, he watches the fire, face unreadable. I'd like to assume him arrogant to the bone, but somehow that seems misplaced all of a sudden.

"When is the mission?" I ask, halfway out the door already. He doesn't look at me, just puts his hands in his pockets and gives a slightly forlorn sigh.

"Two weeks. Prepare yourself for hell, because that's where we're going."

"I'd say it's you who has to prepare, after all, you're the one sticking around."

I leave and head for my bunk, a weight suddenly lifted from my shoulders as my guarantee is in place. It was possible he had been lying, but I doubted he could fool me so easily. Nevertheless, I'd ask Mike to do some digging, see if he could confirm a few things for me. I wasn't asking him to side with me. Simply supply all the facts.

23rd Expedition beyond the walls.

It definitely sounded like a big deal, and yet I find myself yawning as we line up before the gate. It was ungodly early, and there wasn't enough coffee in the world to make me feel alert. It made no sense, I should be terrified. But I guess I was so sure of how this was all going to go down, I felt little thrill. My body makes no sense to me at times like this, I should be like Isabel, fidgeting and nervous. But I'm calm to the point of catatonic. I already had my insurance assured, Mike had been good enough to confirm everything for me, and I was sure he spoke no lies.

Everything was set.

This was my last hurrah.

That makes me pause, and glance around at the anxious faces. Levi is watching me. I sit upright, and hold the reins tighter. This would be how they remembered me, if they ever even bothered to do so.

This was my last hurrah.

Suddenly I need no coffee.

It's another hour of pointless waiting, till finally the gate groans open and we feel a rush of air whoosh past. It smells weird. So clean, and unhumanified. Isabel is muttering to herself, and I see Farlan sweat in his saddle. Levi is deadpanned and focused as always. Erwin is nowhere to be seen. I guess he's further up the line, closer to the brass, and therefore further out of danger. Not for long of course, but the formation was a predetermined thing. Plus I was waiting, that had been the agreement. I'd wait till the second day at least, that way avoiding too much attraction being drawn to the other three, and allowing plenty distance between me, and any MP's lingering in the outlying regions. I wasn't particularly concerned about getting out of it with my life, but I was concerned about involving too many people in a fight. I was fine with being caught; but my instinct might have other ideas.

As we advance, and pass under the large cage door, I shiver in the dank air under the wall. Its icy as we race through, to suddenly be blinded by open sky and relentless sunshine. From small box, to endless expanse. I hold my breath as my eyes adjust to the glare, and I feel the world once again open up around me.

It's staggering.

It's beautiful, and terrifying.

How were we, as such small humans, ever meant to reclaim this enormous place from the Titans? It seemed impossible. I'd never seen a Titan of course, and had never thought I would. But seeing these great open plains, with mountains, and expanses of forest, I shudder a little. They must be massive. Hearing their height in numbers did little to help; and the practise dummies didn't do much either. I knew full well, it wouldn't be until I had one looming over me, that I'd know if I was cut out for this. Not that it mattered much. This would be my one and only mission, after all.

I look at my three comrades, and see that they are as perplexed as I am.

Isabel looks fit to burst as her big green eyes gaze around, but they lock on the skirting clouds above. She even blushes she's so excited. I'm half expecting her to begin singing, but thankfully she doesn't. Falran looks dazed, eyes a little glassy. I think this is a little out of his depth; he was brave, and was a good fighter, but I don't think he ever really intended leaving the walls. He wanted the surface, he wanted the freedom of the sky, but this might prove too much. I'd keep an eye on him, but I doubted he'd let his nerve break under Levi's watch. He was proud too.

Levi is staring upwards, watching birds fly overhead, and he smirks before looking my way and smiling properly for just a moment. I share in that look and feel warm all over. I had always felt I belonged, when I was with Levi. But right now, I felt like we'd come home. He then looks back to the sky, transfixed.

They were so happy. Generally speaking.

"Wow!" gasps Isabel at last, seemingly lost for words otherwise. I laugh at her lack of garbled speech, she was usually so vocal about her emotions. I think she's a little overwhelmed by it all though. I turn to Levi as he agrees with his passionate little sis.

"Yeah, not bad at all."

"My god, I think Levi is impressed." I chuckle, and we share another smirk. We'd talked about this kind of moment for too many nights whilst living together, we'd schemed, we'd dreamed, we'd planned to our heart's content. Yet it had happened now. It seemed other worldly for it to be actually happening, and for us to actually be seeing it together. My heart swells. This was to be my last hurrah, but my god it was starting well.

Farlan kind of laughs along with us, but he still looks a little out of it. I pull over closer to him, and punch his shoulder lightly. He does a double-take and seems to come back into the real world.

"Don't worry kid, we're all here together. We've had the training, and we're more than ready. Plus you're a beast on the gear. Don't go panicking on us eh? Can't do much with you wetting yourself."

"Nah, I'm good." He says, sitting a little straighter with his jaw a little too tightly set.

"Glad to hear it. But just in case, keep in mind we'll take care of those pesky Titans for you, don't worry, they won't be snacking on your hide today!" I cheer, standing on my stirrups to give a cheer. He laughs properly now, and I see the faintest hint of a blush. This was scary for me, but it was also the realisation of a dream. I'd always wanted to be out here, exploring this world of ours. Well… I had since Levi spoke of it. Having been born into a small hole in the ground, I'd never dreamed big till Levi taught me how. But this kid was entirely different. He was out of his depth and needed some help. I was willing to throw a floatation device or two, even if I had to downplay my own terror whilst doing so.

Our wonder is suddenly cut short.

"What're you doing?! Stay focused, you're not here to sightsee and chatter." An angry voice snaps from behind us. I glance back, and am surprised to see the little freckled girl I'd berated back in training. For one so mousey on the training grounds, she had some claws of her own out here. "You never know when a Titan will appear."

"Sorry am I meant to wet myself and say, we're all gonna die?" I ask innocently.

"Yeah, what's your problem lady?" scoffs Isabel with a roll of her eyes. Freckles hisses a little at both of us.

"You can only talk like that because you're yet to face a Titan for real. You have no idea how many good soldiers have been eaten. Don't cheapen those that have already fallen."

"Oi, freckles, that is the last thing I'm doing." I yell at her, watching her speech sink into Farlan like a hot knife through his nerves, and into Isabel, smothering her previous joy of freedom. This was hell it was true, but at least allow momentary distraction? "All I'm doing is keeping a comrade focused on the fact he's been trained and can do this. And reminding him, he isn't alone. All you're doing is freaking him out, hardly seems the logical thing to do does it? You want him passing out in fear and flopping off his horse?!"

"Being formidable within those walls, means nothing out here."

"Never claimed it did." I say, returning to my original position in the formation. "Don't you dare belittle us just because we've never been out here before. You want us to be part of your team? Fucking treat us that way."

Farlan looks at me in awe, but all I want him to do is feel confident in his ability to fight. I see Levi watching, face composed as Freckles backs down and rides a little further off. I turn back to the world before me, and focus on the task in hand.

Keep these guys alive, and wait till the right time to slit Erwin's throat.

That was why I was here, nothing else mattered.

My thoughts are cut short by a yell.

And it was the words I'd feared hearing, and hoped we wouldn't for at least a little longer.

"Titan sighted! A 15 metre!"

I scan the trees and see a large human looking thing lumbering along, arms upwards and waving stupidly. It looks like a child trying to catch its mother's attention, weirdly innocent as it goes. The big empty looking face, glazed over in lacking comprehension. My heart clenches, and my veins feel like they're filled with ice all of a sudden. It was huge. I look to Isabel, she looks so small, and yet she looks so determined. How was she not scared? But I see that fire in her, and know its keeping the ice of fear at bay. Hold onto that kid, that'd get you through.

"That's… a Titan?" I hear Farlan stutter, and see him look oddly calm as he sees the enemy we had come to deal with. I say calm, but he's obviously terrified. Which was good. If he was scared, he was alert, if he was alert, that made my life easier. As long as he didn't pass out like I'd said to Freckles, him flopping off his horse would cause some problems.

"Two 10 metres are coming from behind, with a 12 from the right!"

They were a little ways off, but still too close for evading them. Seemed like Erwin's revolutionary tactics would have to wait. I bet that pissed him off no end. The Squad ahead of us, closest to the 15 metre, engages their gear and soars towards it. Going for the kill. Despite our own enemy, hot on our tail, I find myself transfixed as the battle continues ahead of us. Flagon, our squad leader has pushed forward in case he is needed, and soon enough he is. One soldier is caught as the 15 metre moves much quicker than I'd have ever expected, and instantaneously is devoured in the massive jaws.

It's over for him in an instant.

At least it didn't look like the pain lasted long.

That was something.

I hate to admit it, as he's a complete asshole, but Flagon is impressive. Like a bird in flight he soars over, swirls back round, dodges easily and swings in for the kill. Slice and dice, it's done so quick. Same as us, as it is for them. He seems to have taken the beast down in a few seconds flat. Impressive didn't seem to quite cover it. Not that I'd ever admit to him of course.

"Incredible!" cheers Isabel.

"They're so much better than the MP's!" yells Farlan, and I think it's a comfort to him to know we were riding out with such skilled people. Whatever got him through this, I was happy with. But in our distraction, the other three Titans have come upon us. The two 10 metres are right behind Isabel and Farlan, and the 12 is to my right.

"You three, stay your course!" I hear Flagon yell, but I have a better idea. His intentions are good, and I know he doesn't want rookies engaging a Titan alone, but I can't risk this 12 metre suddenly cutting those two off. They'd be blindsided. I turn about, and ready my gear, hearing the other two call out to Levi as I do. Presumably he had a similar plan to mine. But with the two 10 metres. I just hoped he wasn't being greedy.

I fire off to a nearby tree, and use as much gas as necessary to get some momentum going. I swing round, and propel upwards till I latch onto the upper neck, and feel the speed of the thing drag me along. It's more powerful than I thought, but I deal with it. I have to. My bones creak, and my muscles object to the mistreatment, but I ignore them. They could deal. This thing was on a collision course with Isabel and Farlan, and I had to rectify that. I retract my wire, and feel the heat of the beasts flesh as I swing round in for the kill. My blades make contact, and I hiss against the heat of the steam that billows out. But I did it. I feel victory claim me, as I cut the nape in one swoop, and ride the beast to the ground. I'm fizzing with adrenaline, and am thrilled to see the look on Flagon's face as he needlessly rides to my aid.

"Holy shit…" he mutters, and I jump back on my horse.

"Less gawking, more talking, where are the other three?"

But they've already dealt with theirs too.

It seemed the street rats were living up to the hype.

I beam as I ride over to the triumphant three who stand in the wake of their own little victories. Isabel and Farlan had worked as a team to take down one, whilst Levi dealt with the other. He's sort of staring at them, amazed at their success. Or perhaps relieved was a better word. We all share a grin, and I ruffle Isabel's hair.

"Fucking pro's already. Show offs." I laugh and the kid gets back on her horse. Farlan is a little pale, but he looks over the moon, elated. In fact he looks a little drunk.

"Yeah you see, Levi, we did it!" Farlan says, grinning like a fool. Isabel cheers, and Levi gives a little simper.

"Yeah… you guys did well."

"How'd yours go Kitty Kat?"

"Well obviously it consumed me, can't you see the nibble marks all over me?" I snort with a shake of my head at the kid, she pouts a little at my sarcasm, but the smile still breaking through a little bit. "Come on, we should probably regroup once Flagon rounds the others up."

I turn my horse to see where the rest of our Squad have gone, and see them approaching with Erwin in tow. He's far off, but I can still see the excitement in his eyes as he looks at Levi. His experiment was working, and Humanity had a new weapon. It seemed to all be working out for Erwin Smith. He then looks at me, and becomes solemn. His eyes cast over to the Titan I conquered and further clouds. He's angry that I managed it? Seems a little childish. I was allowed to be good at my job, before murdering him. Or was it that he knew I'd be a decent addition to the regiment, and was throwing it away for the sake of Levi's revenge? I snort to myself, that was over estimating my value. What an ego I was getting.

"Well done," he says as the group gets closer, his cold blue eyes focus on Levi all of a sudden and I feel a chill. No longer is their excitement, but warning. "But you're using too much gas. Out here we must be careful with resources."

My defensive nature blusters. Don't look at the man like he's heaven's gift to Titan killing one second, then berate him like a toddler in the next!

"I suppose conserving hot air isn't a problem for you, is it Erwin? You're fucking full of it." I snap, and ignore the warning look from Flagon. Erwin's gaze shifts to me, and he sneers a little.

"Getting lucky with your first Titan, does not make you a veteran. Do not make light of my words, simply because you haven't experience the terror of suddenly loosing mobility in Titan territory." Erwin drawls, and Farlan makes to fight back. Levi simply holds up a hand to silence his young friend, and frowns at Erwin in challenge.

"Are you seriously expecting me to priorities equipment, over my comrades?" Levi says coldly, but with genuine curiosity there as well. I look between the two men, and swallow hard in the tension. I could lunge in between them in case Levi felt like being stupid. But I don't think it'll come to that. Not so soon.

"You made a lot of unnecessary moves, do not doubt yourself now, Levi. Or all hell will break loose. Causing not only your death, but others as well." And with that he rides off, I turn to Levi to smirk with him, to joke at the ridiculousness, but when I do turn, I see fear there. The other two can't see it, he's turned away from them. But I see it plain as day.

Erwin was getting to him.

We begin the ride again, and rejoin the formation quickly. Despite our recent victory, Levi remains quiet, staring at the ground ahead of him instead of the horizon, or sky. Erwin's under his skin, and I can see it from here. Even with me doing this job for him, he was worried of failing those two. He was worried he wouldn't be good enough. I hate to think of the man at any time, but it's whenever I see that defeated look in Levi's face, that I think of that scraggly beard, and hanging cigarette. Kenny had a lot to answer for. I just hoped the old bastard was still alive, so he could get his karma served one day. Perhaps not by me, but by someone.

By the time the sun it setting we've arrived at the rest point with no other incidents accounted for. It's an old building, crumbling and derelict, and yet with the fiery blend of orange and red of the sunset, it looks like a palace. I stare at it as we wait to file inside the compound.

"Why does everything seem nicer with the sky behind it?"

"Because you can see past it. There's no dead ends out here." answers Levi, suddenly next to me. I jump a little, having not heard his voice in a couple hours, but I turn with a smile. He returns it carefully, and we ride in slowly, watching everyone unpack and sort themselves for the night's stay. It was oddly calm considering we were still in Titan territory, but there were good sightlines, and watches would be in place throughout the night. I doubted I'd get much sleep; but that was more likely because of my nerves, than the man eating beasts roaming around us.

Tomorrow would be a big day.

I just hope I don't regret it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading!
> 
> And so they're out there, in the big bad world, oooooooh!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again my lovely readers, thank you again for your patience. This is indeed a slightly shorter chapter to tide you over before everything HITS THE PROVERBIAL FAN. Anyway, hope you enjoy, see you next time!
> 
> Disclaimer; I don't own AOT. Spoilers for ACWNR

We find a spot and get comfy, most of the regiment still giving us a wide birth as much as they can. It doesn't bother me, after all it just meant I didn't need to watch the bastards as closely. As long as Isabel, Farlan and Levi were safe, I was all good. It was pretty much my only task except for the blonde and big eyebrowed task looming over me. And then I frown, looking down at my hands, remembering how the kids would cling there and ask for another bedtime story, or ask me to help them with their reading. They would never really understand what had happened to me would they? I sigh. There was no helping it. I'd done all I could for them, and for Chia. She would understand wouldn't she? I'd always done my best for her, she would know I hadn't abandoned them. Or if she saw it as me having done exactly that, she'd at least know it was for a good reason. The best reason I had for doing anything.

I eat a little of my ration and sit back, yawning widely. I feel something drape over me, and smile at Isabel as she tucks me in with her cape. She was a sweet kid, I had to give her that much credit, even if she was a pain I my ass sometimes.

"Get some rest, Kitty Kat, you did amazing today."

"Not so bad yourself kiddo…" I murmur, drifting to sleep, vaguely hearing Isabel turn around and give a cheer about Levi being so strong during the mission. I smile and let my head hang, dozing comfortably. But I hear a clicking of a tongue, and I'm shifted so my head rests on someone's shoulder. I don't question it, I just shuffle closer and get comfy.

"Brat." He murmurs.

"Old git." I mumble, enjoying the laughter from Isabel and Farlan as my words slips into a pleasant darkness.

I wander through the warm dark, hearing echoes of the outside world as I go along, whistling contentedly. But as an arm drapes round me, pulling me closer, my mind smirks. He could be so distant and yet so close at the same time. I know these arms well, know their strength and their weakness. My head flits through memories and I sigh, it was incredible how inconsistent time was. It dragged its feet when being watched, and yet the moment you looked away to simply enjoy yourself it ran away from you. Some things faded so easily with it, whilst others stayed strong despite you wanting to forget. And then there was me and him. It seemed like a constant thing in my timeline, and whilst it used to haunt me, right then it comforted me. I consider the passion that remained after so many years, the affection and perhaps even love. We were souls bound by too much frenzied emotion bubbling within us. Allowing each other reprieve as we collided time and again. Basically we were ridiculous. And yet for some strange reason, going against everything I prided myself on being, I didn't mind. In fact I enjoyed it.

I remember all the times that fire had got the better of us. The times we had fought well into the night, roaring at each other about our own stupidity. Of the danger, of the risks. The way he defended me, the way I defended him. Against anything. What fools we were. It didn't matter what we were facing, we always seemed to find a way. Well… until it became clear to me that I was causing him all his problems. But that was a different story, something else woven into our time together that cast long and lingering shadows. But still, we had stuck together through a lot, and even now, so many years later, there he was holding me up when I needed it. It wasn't the first, but I suppose it might well be the last. My god when had it all started? He was always so brave for me. Hell, he'd even stood up against Kenny for me. What a fool Levi was.

My mind flickers through memories, zoning in with acute clarity.

I recall how Kenny had loomed over me that day, it hadn't been our first meeting, far from it. But on that particular day he'd really snapped. He just suddenly appeared, shouting and swearing out of nowhere after having abandoned Levi several years beforehand. It was insane, and whilst Levi was a little taken aback by the sudden arrival of the man who had broken him so completely, I was just thoroughly pissed off. Not that this helped matters. He shut Levi out of the room, confronting me 'at long last' or so he said. I presumed he was drunk. Levi hammered on the door, demanding to be let in, or for me to let out. I think he was terrified, he really thought Kenny would kill me. He really thought the old bastard would be able to. I'd been insulted at the time, and I still am in all honesty. I stood before the old man and listened to his snarled words, silently noting to myself how badly the man needed a fucking shave.

"You're nothing but filth, y'hear? Stay away from my pride." He grumbled.

"I'm nowhere near your fucking trousers, ya perverted old git."

"That boy is better than shit stains like you. Go back to the sewer you crawled out of."

"Surely, I'd have swum?" I spit at him, meeting his challenge as I step up and hold his gaze. Levi continues to batter at the door, probably worried I'd get myself killed out of sheer willpower to annoy Kenny. The old bastard's teeth are bared, and I can smell the heavy scent of cigarettes. "You know me well enough by now Kenny, to know that it doesn't make a blind bit of difference whether you approve of me or not. To me or him. You fucking abandoned him anyway! Where've you even been for the last six years?!"

He grabs me by the throat and holds me in the air.

"I don't answer to the likes of you."

"Ditto." I croak, holding onto his arm to alleviate some of the pressure. Levi is still hammering on the door, it's beginning to creak as though the wood will soon give. "I love that man, and no amount of your oh-so-scary intimidation, will… change that." I gasp, gritting my teeth.

"Careful there, little girl, I'll happily slice that scrawny throat."

"We sewer rats are slippery wee fucks. Now get out of my way, and get out of our lives. You might be happy to linger down here, and stew in this hell hole. But we will get out, without you if we have any luck."

"You'll ruin him, you know that right?"

"Kenny!" the door finally gives, and Levi charges in, rugby tackling the man to the ground, and releasing me from the chokehold. I land in a heap, lying there with dazed eyes as my throat remains constricted by shock, and pain. I can't catch a breath at all. Suddenly my act of defiance seems a tad bit foolish whilst my vision blurs with shadows. I hear scuffling, and some muffled shouts, but it's only when I hear his voice in my ear that I realise I'm still awake. "Hey… c'mon brat… look at me."

I gasp a little, and blink hard, giving a lazy smile a second later. His grey eyes soften, and he hauls me up, cradled in his arms. I lay my head against his chest, and focus on refilling my lungs.

"Where's the shithead?" I rasp, coughing a little.

"Gone, just breathe okay? You've done enough talking…" he heads out and marches along the streets, holding me tightly as he heads for our own home, and getting us inside. It's not cold, as the brats are lingering around, and keeping the fire going. He nods to them, but says nothing as he carries me upstairs and lays me on our bed. He locks the bedroom door, removes my shoes, and his own, then sits next to my head, brushing hair back from my face.

"You're a fucking head case." He says, fingers lightly tracing my throat which is probably bruising. "Encouraging him like that. He could have killed you."

"Hardly." I croak with a small laugh, but as he shuffles down to lay next to me, running his thumb against my cheek, I can tell he's upset. I sigh, coughing slightly and look at him. "Sorry, but I couldn't let him just mouth off like that. Not after he'd just gone off and left you."

"No, of course not, that would have been sensible." He sighs, pulling me close to lay his forehead against mine. "You have too much fire for your own good."

"How about I share some then?" I whisper, leaning in to kiss him gently. He sighs and returns it, hand moving from my cheek to the back of my head, slowly sliding over till he was on top of me. "Seems like you're keen on that idea." I laugh as he kisses down my jaw and along my throat, making small circles against the back of my throat with his thumb. I sigh as he gets comfortable between my legs, and I squeeze his sides with my thighs gently, playfully.

"You scared me." He says against the hollow of my throat, slowly undoing the buttons and kissing each freshly revealed patch of skin. I run my hands through his hair absentmindedly.

"I'm sorry." I breathe as he undoes the last button and kisses under my belly button softly, leaning onto his knees as he slips my shirt off, cradling me gently up to his chest as he slides it from me, kissing along my shoulder as he does so. It never failed to amaze me how gentle he could be at times; fire and ice, rage and love, light and dark. "I'm also sorry you had to see him."

"I don't care about him anymore. You fixed that." He breathes, kissing under my jaw as he unwraps my chest binding slowly, I give a small hum of appreciation as the cold air kisses my back and then chest, and I gradually make progress with his shirt. "You fixed everything, brat."

"Careful, I'll get an ego issue." I chuckle laying back as I tug his shirt away and trace over his chest and abdomen like I always did, memorising it carefully. He shudders as I do, and I grin as I press all his buttons, finishing with a quick hitching of my legs round his waist and grinding against him.

"Nngh… Kat…" he topples back on top of me, hungrily kissing me again. His hands heading south as his tongue caresses mine, making me give a soft groan into him. Yes chase away the shadows Levi, bring me out of the darkness…

"Kat!" I jolt awake and look around seeing Hanji holding out a coffee. "Sorry to wake you, I bring coffee as peace offering, so don't kill me. But I know flagon will go nuts at you if you're sleeping before time. Where'd the rest go? I was having a lovely chat with Isabel just now!" her glasses flash in the lantern light and I cringe back a bit, happily accepting the coffee, trying not to let her see my annoyance. That dream had been getting good too. I seriously needed to get laid.

"Well considering you just found me sleeping, Hanji… how would I know where they went?" I chuckle, taking a long sip of the bitter coffee. She pouts and gives a slow nod.

"Yeah, you're right. Dang it… oh well, the kid seemed happy. I gave her some sweets."

"Then you probably just made a friend for life Glasses."

"Oh, I do hope so! She seems to have a keen mind. Anyway, enjoy the coffee, I need to try and find Mike!"

"Why? More science babble to vent?" I snicker and she turns with a flash of her glasses, and amazement in her face.

"How did you know?"

"I'm pretty good at reading people Hanji, thanks for the coffee."

"No problem!" she sing-songs heading off with a weird skip in her step. What did it take to make that woman glum? Not that I wanted to, but still… it was a little weird for someone to be that chirpy in this kind of situation. Then again why not be chirpy, never did anyone good to wallow. Especially when facing down giant humanoid beasts hunting us for sport. Might as well flash a grin whilst you piss yourself. I groan and get up to walk around with my coffee, the stillness making my mind whirl around too much.

Why the hell had I dreamt that?

I walk a little awkwardly, body aching a little after such an intense dream. Those had been good days, those had been fun days. But of course it had all lead to the darkness as well. I drain the cup and hand it to the supply team who are dealing with making dinner. It smells nice, and yet manages to look like a cat's vomit. Quite the talent they had. I wander around absentmindedly looking about, occasionally smiling at a cadet brave enough to glance my way. But still I find no sign of those three. Therefore I am immediately suspicious. It was exactly the same with the kids in the orphanage; you always wanted some peace, and yet when you got 10 minutes of quiet you knew they were doing something they shouldn't be. And it was usually something including making a large mess.

Though as I approach the rear of the building, where the lanterns get less frequent and the echoes of voices get creepier, I hear the low rumble of Levi's voice, quickly followed by Erwin's. They were talking? I sidle along the wall, peering round the corner and am struck dumb by the sight. No blood. No drawn blades. Nothing but what appeared to be a normal conversation. Am I still asleep?

"I wanted to congratulate you on your work today Levi."

"Thought I was being wasteful?" snaps back Levi and I roll my eyes, he couldn't help being petty could he?

"I just want to make sure you're aware of how cut off from everything we are out here," says Erwin pinching the bridge of his nose, "You were doing a lot of manoeuvres that cost gas, as though you were doubting yourself. You can't afford to do that out here, it could cost you your life…" Erwin pauses as he sees me, his blue eyes seeming pained for a moment. "Or someone else's."

"I can look after my comrades, a damn sight better than you, Erwin Smith." Growls Levi squaring up to him a little, Erwin holds firm though, looking down with a hint of disdain.

"And yet you allow Katsumi to do your dirty work."

I'd kill him.

"You-son-of-a-bitch. The only reason I'm not throttling you right now, you useless Titan sized shit, is because of her. Be thankful for that. She knows more about mercy than I do."

"And yet she's the one known for being so formidable."

"Fuck off Smith."

"Are you so quick to be intimidated by her?" Erwin continues to stir the pot but I just stay where I am, well aware my appearance will only further rile things up. God damn it Blondie, I will mess you up! Levi does a double take, looking the taller man up and down slowly and I imagine his expression is one of disbelief.

"Just what kind of game are you fucking playing?" demands Levi, taking a small step back. Not in defeat, but in disgust. "Are you seriously trying to insinuate you're better for her than me? Is that really what's going through that thick head?"

I stare, mouth hanging open.

Say what now?

"I'm just saying, it seems petty for you to be so threatened by her because she's more formidable than you."

"Bullshit. You stay the hell away from her."

"Why?"

"Because she's mine god dammit!" roars Levi and I shrink away from the wall as Erwin's cold blue eyes flit up to mine again for a moment. That bastard. He had no intention of claiming me, he just wanted Levi to admit his attachment. Or was he trying to provoke Levi into attacking him there and then? No… that made no sense, he'd already assured Levi's innocence, so why spare me the blood on my hands? I grip the wall and focus on the cold nipping my fingers. You cold hearted bastard. Stirring shit up wasn't the goal, getting my plan messed up was.

"For how much longer?" mutters Erwin coldly, and I shakily approach the corner again.

Levi clicks his tongue and turns away, heading towards me. Erwin nods at me briefly before going in the opposite direction. I watch Levi, but I can't understand his expression. Is he upset? Is he worried? I internally scoff, I had clearly shown I could handle myself, as had the other two. And surely he wouldn't let himself get riled up by Erwin's ridiculous comments. Levi knew he was attached to me, as old friends. Right? He was worrying over nothing. But as Levi glances up and meets my gaze I feel ice run through me, as his eyebrows lift in the middle. It was as though he was seventeen years old all over again, carrying me through the streets and calling me a headcase. Like not a day had passed.

He grabs my wrist and pulls me along another corridor without a word. I glance back and see Erwin watch us go, sighing heavily with a shake of his head before disappearing completely. I try and tug my arm free from Levi, but I already know it's pointless, he has me in his grip. That's that. We go a few more corridors along till there's no more lanterns, and only the moonlight to guide us.

"As much fun as a moonlit stroll sounds Levi, I think we should—"

"Make it look like an accident." He says, ploughing on.

"What—"

"Just make it look like a Titan's work, and get the hell out of there." He snaps, turning and pushing me against the wall, holding me by my shoulders as he stands with his head hanging down, shaking from side to side. I take a moment to catch my breath, looking round but not seeing anyone around to distract him. There was no escaping this.

"Levi…" I say, the desperation in his voice confusing me further. It really was like we were kids again, fighting for survival in that hell hole. Like he was begging me to stay out of Kenny's way, for me to wait at home whilst he got us supplies from the merchants. This was foolishness. "Levi don't start—"

"Make it look like an accident!" he pleads, louder now, almost shouting as he shakes my shoulders, holding with an almost painful grip. I shrink back from him, but as soon as I meet his eyes I find my words gone, I stare, mouth bobbing open and closed as I try and comprehend how open he's being with me.

"L-Levi I… I'll…"

"Just try at least…" he whispers, closing his eyes and stepping forward to press a kiss to my forehead. He lingers a little, and I almost reach out, I almost put a hand to his cheek to pull him closer.

But I don't.

I can't allow myself that kind of selfishness.

"Okay." I sigh and I feel his lips quiver a little against me, I bite down on my own lip and shrug out of his hold, hugging my arms to my chest as I make my way back along the corridor. I head back to the main area and smile as Isabel waves me over. By the time Levi reappears you wouldn't know anything had happened. Except for the fact he now sits as far away from me as possible. Okay so that might have given something away.

Hanji has come and sat with us, and is jabbering away about everything. Eventually she gets onto the topic of gear, and of course begins gushing about our skill on it. Especially Levi's. I smile a little as I rest my head against the wall, I wonder if Hanji likes Levi? But he doesn't seem happy to have the attention, he brushes it off a little rudely as always.

"Sheesh, take a compliment old man."

He gives me a cold look and I just wink, I knew he was upset that I hadn't promised. I'd agreed to try, but I know he was looking for the words 'I promise, Levi.' But I won't lie to him. I know he'd eventually figure out why I couldn't. I don't know what's going to happen out there, for all I know I'll be wiped out the second I venture out the door. I'm not about to start making promises I can't keep.

Isabel suddenly gives a cheer, talking about how they're starting to get treated better, looking to Hanji with affection. The glasses flash as Hanji turns to me with a blush. I give an encouraging smile, but can't help but internally cringe. Poor kid wasn't as thick skinned as us, the hard looks and judgemental words, it had all been getting to her a lot more than I realised I guess. But as I meet her fierce eyes I know there's no point in asking her about it. She'd brush it under the carpet, we Undergrounders were good at that it seemed. I sling my arm round her shoulder and back it up.

"Too right kid, these jackasses are starting to get the message that you're a force to be reckoned with." She looks confused by my words and I prod her nose playfully, "You're a badass Kiddo."

"Too right Claws!" cheers Hanji, turning to Levi again. "You're very quiet y'know that shorty?"

I cringe at the name, but he doesn't react. Much.

"I'm aware." He says with a curt nod, seeming to not mind the woman after she had shown such kindness to his Isabel earlier, the kid was sat there munching on the sweets previously mentioned, her keen green eyes aglow.

"What's it about then? The quietness. What's going on in that head?" asks Hanji leaning forward a little, eyes trained on Levi. I lean back on my elbows and laugh loudly, shaking my head at the foolhardy woman.

"Don't go there, you won't come back with all your limbs intact." Everyone looks nervous, but Levi just smirks at me for a second. "Y'see? He knows what I'm talking about." I chuckle.

"Uhuh… well, if no one's spilling, I'm gonna go see if I can find Erwin, bend his ear a little."

"Always gotta bend someone's ear right Hanji?"

"Correct Claws!" she sing songs jumping up and heading off once again. The woman was a yoyo I swear. "I'll buy you all lunch if we make it back alive!"

"And that kids, is why we don't make a point of snorting mushrooms." I snicker shaking my head at the eccentric. Farlan watches her go and turns to Levi with a sorry shake of his head. Oh dear, Levi in trouble.

"Why not throw the woman a bone, Levi?" he asks still shaking his head, "She's one of the few of them that's actually talked to us. So why not—"

"I don't want to be responsible for anyone's life except you and Isabels…" he glances my way and unsuccessfully fights a blush. "And maybe this shit here."

"Thanks… prat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Basically just a bit of good old tension between characters and some shit stirring, always good for the heart!
> 
> So yes, basically the feels will be arriving with the next update, it has been a long time coming I know, but DO NOT assume you know what'll happen. You never know, I might be merciful and rebel against canon 0_0 my god! Anyway thanks for the patience and support, I really do appreciate it, and updates will be more regular from now on, if not I WILL keep you aware of the situation.
> 
> See you next time!


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok here we go. Thank you to everyone who has soldiered on this far, I never intended this to take so long to get to, but here we are. The big bit. I hope you enjoy, and I hope it was worth the wait. This isn't the end of this fic, but it is certainly a pinnacle moment for obvious reasons. But anyway, thanks for reading!
> 
> Disclaimers: I don't own Attack on Titan, and there are SPOILERS for the OVA A Choice With No Regrets. Duh.
> 
> Thank you all.

With the dawn came the rain, and with it a sense of foreboding too potent even for me to try to ignore. But I try anyway, assuring myself it was nought but paranoia. Or newfound Hydrophobia. Apparently luck had taken a holiday as the wind also began to pick up, and I was sure this drizzle would soon become a typhoon. My attempts at calming myself grew weaker as I sensed the thick unease even in the most seasoned veterans. This was bad. I think by the time we're ready to head out Isabel is ready to knock my head clean off my shoulders, but I can't help it. She had to stay close by me.

"Kitty Kat back it up would ya? For the last time I'm gonna tell ya, I can flipping well handle myself!" she growls, hair still in a mess as she fails to tie it back properly. I sigh and fasten my saddle bag in place, soon moving over to help her with her own. Her bright green eyes narrow and she blows that wayward fringe out her face once again. Dammit kid you're too adorable for this situation, no one is that precious and not destined for a bloodied end. I'd read the books, I knew how this shit went down.

"I'm not doubting that, kiddo."

"If you don't doubt me, then what's with the pesterin'?!"

"Because if you're not by my side I'll freak out!" I yell back and then look at the ground as I grit my teeth, I'd meant to keep a lid on it. Apparently I'd failed. She snorts at my confession and just heads away, not understanding my words in all likeliness. She was young, headstrong, and felt invincible after yesterday's success; I was just a daft woman pawing over her.

I feel a hand on my shoulder. Initially I recoil angrily, not liking the sense of pity from that simple gesture. But as I see Farlan look back at me with those soft eyes, I sigh and blush a little. Damn.

"Sorry Farlan."

"It's fine Kat, just don't take her dismissal too much to heart? She just doesn't get the whole worrying thing. Flies by the seat of her tiny pants that one." He chuckles and shakes his head.

"Just keep an eye on her all right, all the cadets seem jittery. I guess Erwin's damn formation doesn't work as well when you can't see the big pretty smoke signals…" I sigh and fasten my cape, "Not to mention we might all end up with pneumonia."

"And now you sound like an old woman again, congrats Kat, keeping the habit going!" he snorts as he gathers his own things.

"Hey at least I cut back on the bad metaphors!" I laugh and he just ruffles my hair on his way past, like I was the kid now. "Just stay sharp okay?"

"You got it claws." He winks at me and heads off. He was a good egg that one.

The formation gathers outside our little hovel, and we get ready to move off. The uneasiness has hardly lessened with the rumbling of far off thunder. But maybe we could outrun it? Erwin rides towards the front, giving me a small nod as he goes. I return it but offer nothing else. He knows today is the day he dies, and he knows I won't fail. Personally though? I can't help consider that I might. I have to make his death the priority here, the success of it looking like an accident was secondary.

Right?

I pull up next to Farlan, noting his uneasy expression again, and I feel the stare boring into the back of my head. I don't need to turn to know it's Levi. He always did that when he wasn't sure whether or not I would do as I'd said. I didn't break promises, but I did find loopholes. And this time I hadn't even promised.

The formation takes shape and soon enough the order is given.

Back into hell to head for home.

There's little to no trouble encountered, and I start to think of how to head towards the inner centre of the formation. My mind whirring away with possible plans and strategies. But how do I justify it? I could claim I need a supply of some kind, emergency supplies were kept in the centre of the formation just in case. But as I clear my throat to relay this lie to Flagon I flinch back from a cold breeze, and the rain begins to patter down upon our heads harder. I look up and swallow hard as I see the heavy clouds rolling in thick and fast. It seemed we hadn't outrun it after all.

I didn't need to be a veteran to know this was bad.

I ride closer to Isabel and make a point of ignoring how she pouts about it. With this rain visibility was bad and getting worse, and it's hardly helped by the thick coils of mist slowly crawling along the ground. Shit. This day is getting better and better.

"Flagon! Shouldn't we be tightening the formation in this shit?!" I yell a little angrily, uneasy thanks to the now rumbling sky as thunder broiled above us. It seemed to also dance around us. Unless of course that wasn't thunder at all...

I can't see anything and my eyes blear with rain whenever they're not blinded by mist. This was madness. We shouldn't have set off with this as a potential problem, Shadis you're a damn idiot for now postponing. I swear if something happens to any of them I will be coming for your head, your thinning brown haired, sunken eyed and horribly hoarse voiced head. Flagon turns back to me and gives a pointed look. In all honesty he is damn lucky I need to cling to these reins with both hands in such conditions, or else he'd have had a gesture, or projectile thrown his way sharpish.

"We await orders, Cadet!"

"And how are we supposed to get said orders when we can barely see our own fucking horses?!" I yell back, but he has no answer of course, so he just turns back and presses on. And that's where I really lose my patience with soldiers. Yeah they're brave, and yeah we need them, but holy hell could you colour outside the box occasionally? I feel the mist loom over us and try to ignore the panic rising in my throat like bile.

I look to my troublesome three and find them looking as uneasy as myself. Well, Levi looks like his usual calm self, but there's a slight edge to how he's set his jaw. He's shitting it just as much as I am. I know it. He knew this was bad, and he was having the same problem I was. We could only be in one place at one time.

"Stick together god dammit, this is crazy weather." I call to them, and Farlan rides a little closer to Isabel. Another tongue click probably happened, but as I can barely hear myself think, I can only assume. Levi remains quiet, and remains on the outskirts. I narrow my eyes, looking at how he's holding those reins at a slight angle. He's thinking of breaking away and going after Erwin.

"Don't you dare Levi!" I yell and he just smirks for a split second. "Levi I'm fucking serious!"

Apparently Flagon isn't hearing this, but the other two are. Isabel looks to her Big Bro and frowns at him, Darlan doing the same but with far more annoyance than his little counterpart.

"Big Bro?"

"Levi? You have to wait until the fog let's off!" he yells, and Levi just shakes his head at them. And then at me. But before I can say anything else a sound grenade goes off, making us all yelp and look to where it came from. That'll have been from command. And Levi turns to Farlan and nods before he pulls off and rides away.

Shit.

I stare after him and just as I move to flick my reins and bolt right after him, I stop. If I leave, then these two are left to fend for themselves with the group. We could be hit by Titans any second. In these conditions you needed all the help you could get. But then again, by remaining I was leaving Levi to go and sully his soul all over again. For a stupid bit of revenge, his freedom was already assured. God dammit this world was cruel. My heart aches, being pulled in two directions and not knowing which way to go. This kind of confusion isn't something I'm used to, isn't something I know well. But in the time it's taken me to consider my dilemma he's gone.

I've missed my chance.

He's flown off back into the darkness.

Dammit.

"The hell happened to Levi?" yells Flagon as we alter route with him and the dumb bastard finally looks back. Great timing Squad Leader. I grit my teeth and spout the lie that will buy Levi some time, and possibly innocence when the shit hit the fan.

"Got separated in the fog, but he'll have headed for the sound like us. He'll be back."

"So he ain't dead?"

"Too fucking right he isn't!" I yell, and Isabel gives a whoop as confirmation.

Their Big Bro wouldn't leave them like that.

But should I have?

We keep going, and we stick together. The mist gets thicker, and the rain gets heavier. It's hell on earth, and I really begin to wonder if we'll ever make it back to the walls. Would I ever be able to see Chai again? Would I ever be able to really see the fruits of my labour and know for sure this life would finally be kind to those I cared about? I've always hated those walls, hated that vaulted rock ceiling and those dank alleyways, and yet right now I wish I was there in those shadows. I wish I was sat there laughing with Isabel and Farlan over a rickety wooden table, a candle sputtering out of life as we talk into the night. It wasn't a memory, I hadn't been with them long enough to make such a memory. But as the rain lashes down against my face, soaking through my hood and into my bones, finally gripping my heart; I fear I never will.

But still, we keep going, keep riding and then of course the inevitable happens.

We start screaming.

My god they came out of nowhere.

Hands grabbing, teeth gnashing, great eyes staring in wanton hunger. Yesterday we were the victors, today we seem like fish in a barrel. They lumber over us, and they seem to swarm around us. The mist swirls, seemingly burning away with their gathered heat. I keep as close to Isabel as I can, but it isn't easy in all this madness of movement.

Suddenly the horse's rear up, startled by the appearance of a giant foot in front of us. Me and Isabel manage to pull back and dodge, but Farlan is knocked from his horse. He rolls and lands heavily, his horse landing atop his leg.

"Farlan!" yells Isabel, turning and chasing as best she can. I try to do the same but my horse skids and falls, I do too and rather foolishly let my leg get between my horse's hoof and the cold ground. Crack. I scream out, and the horse thankfully is able to back away and get off of me.

"Farlan!" I hear Levi's voice, but don't see him.

There's a figure a fair distance away in the fog.

Levi?

Somehow he had noticed all this going on, and was heading back to us. Perhaps this wasn't a lost day after all, perhaps he hadn't had time to doom himself yet. But as he races towards us, his horse stumbles, and Levi is in the dirt looking thoroughly pissed off. I give a sorry shake of my head, hearing him yell out our names from afar. At least he'll be kept out of it.

I shake my head, the image of three tombstones having been lodged there as I hit the muck. No. They wouldn't die, not while I was here to help them. I don't look at the leg, I know it's fucked, I grab a blade from my casing and use it as a brace. I shove it down into my boot and then use my spare straps to keep it firmly in place. No room for shifting, and already I can barely feel it.

I scramble to my feet.

"No! Stop! Not like this!" I hear Levi yell, but I don't turn to look. I don't need to see his panic, I can feel my own well enough. I could do this for them, I could do this for Levi. I launch myself over to where Farlan lies under his horse.

"No time to laze about Farlan!" I yell, yanking his horse up and off him as quick as I can, the poor beast is still scared, but thankfully able to respond to my tugging.

"Get out of here Kat… gah… god damn…" he grumbles, but I just ignore him, flinching as a feral sounding cry sounds from behind us. I turn and watch Isabel slice at the hand that was reaching down to me and Farlan. Frankly the kid is amazing.

"Brilliant kiddo, now get out of— no!" I cry out, as she gets too cocky. She wants to be like her Big Bro, I can see it in those bright eyes as she swings up and goes for the nape. But she misses, her angle all wrong.

"Dang it!" she yells in irritation, going for another try like the crazy fool she was.

"Get out of there Kid!" I yell, firing up to try and get the nape myself, but as I do she's dislodged on her retry and smacks into the back of the Titan. She's about as vulnerable as possible there, and I feel my blood turn cold. But still, I manage to slice down the big bastard leering in from behind to claim her as his own meal. But before I can turn and launch for the original target that she was dangling down from, the beast has grabbed hold of her himself. Reached round and clamped that filthy fist round her doll-like body.

"Isabel!" I scream and she looks down at me, an oddly wistful look reflected in those bright green orbs of promise and potential. No. Not like this.

"Kats—" her blood rains down on my face as I reach for her pointlessly.

Isabel.

I'm frozen, staring at where her life has been sprayed across the beast's ungainly jaws. No. Not those big bright eyes! They were meant to live in the open, meant to see the seasons change and live in a world that wasn't built to be a tomb. Of all the people to die out here in this mess of blood, sweat, tears, rain and mud. Not her.

"You bastard!" I hear Farlan yell out, and I turn, wrenching myself out of my wallowing bubble and I stagger after him. His gear is all messed up though, jamming when he tries to fire. "Just my luck…"

"Farlan move god dammit!" I yell, voice scratchy from my unvoiced sobs. I couldn't stop to mourn her properly just yet, there wasn't the time. He looks at me and nods, dodging and diving like the pro I knew he was.

There's seven of them around us, no five now?

My mind whirls at the looming masses. What the hell were we meant to do but die? My valour is all on the point of disappearing when I hear Flagon yell out and take on the Titan that had killed Isabel. Squad leader to the rescue I guess, but of course it isn't meant to be. Once again the rain fucks it all up. He slips, he slides, and he is consumed.

I feel Death sneer at me.

He was finally coming to collect.

I slip across the mud, desperately trying to get some traction, but as Farlan staggers back from seeing another comrade fall he's caught by a hand that loomed out of the fog. They were never ending. This world was never ceasing in its atrocities.

"Fuck no, not him too!" I yell at no one in particular, my leg is screaming at me and it becomes warm as blood starts seeping through I assume. Unless I've pissed myself. I have no idea right now, but as I soar through the air and slice into the wrist of the beast, grabbing Farlan's hand a moment later I feel a slight twinge of hope. But I know that's dangerous. And this is only proven when my grapple fails to disengage and I'm slammed into the dirt after letting Farlan go. Another snap, and now there's acute pain slicing through my nerves.

Pretty sure that was a rib…

"Shit…" I pant, trying to get up, but failing. Mobility was the way to stay alive, and right now that was exactly what I didn't have. Soon enough I'm scooped up next, a large hand wrapping round me and crushing my already damaged ribs. Oh god I can't breathe. Did they ever stop? I groan as the momentum makes my head spin, suddenly raising a good ten metres into the air with the heat and stench of this beast. I want to vomit.

I hear Levi scream at Farlan.

Something was going on beyond my sight.

I'm just glad he can't see me through the fog.

The mouth is getting nearer. Shit. Not like this. This is not how I'm meant to go out, not without having managed to at least save someone. Surely? I manage to wiggle my arm free, but my blade's shattered. Then again had a disadvantage ever stopped me before? I hack away with the stub of a blade, feeling the hot breath against my face when I finally slice through and drop from the hand. The wrist flails backwards into the fog.

"Fuck!" I shriek and land atop the hand in the muck below. I feel like I'm going to drown in it, but am soon distracted by the searing pain in my leg. I look down and again feel the want to vomit, I tighten my strap above the break and force myself to ignore the pain. It could come later. I get up and I get my ass moving.

"Levi?! Farlan?!" I yell as I stumble through the grey smog of death. But there's nothing until I finally feel a breeze and then the world finally clears.

Only now… now I wish I was blind.

Levi walks along, staggered steps and face like a grave. In his arms he carries Farlan, but it isn't any good. Blonde hair matted onto his silently screaming face as blood continues to dribble from where his navel should have been.

Oh god.

Not both of them.

Rage burns in me, and as I get closer with each staggering step Levi turns to me. As our eyes meet, green to grey, friend to friend, soldier to soldier; we share a moment of clarity. This had to end in blood, as it was always meant to. Only now it would be Titan blood, and steam, and pain. He lays down our fallen comrade. No words are shared, no words are needed. We nod, and stand back to back as the rest of them tower in on us. The breeze continues to clear the mist and finally we had some sight, at last we could stare our enemies down.

Three for me, and four for him.

He shoots left, and I shoot right.

We are rage incandescent, we are fury, we are vengeance.

I howl against both the pain in my leg and heart as I slice through them. There's no poise in my movements, no cunning plan, no experience given grace; I just hack and swing till my three Titans are left in bits as they steam into oblivion. But that's it, that's all I had to do. So why in hell couldn't I have managed it sooner?

I stagger a little but can't fight it anymore. I fall into the mud sobbing, my blades drop from my hands and I hear the last of Levi's targets fall down beside me. I don't even flinch as the impact shifts my hood against me. The gentle hiss of steam is all I can hear above my own gasping breaths. I stare at the ground, soaked with the tears of this world and the blood of my friends. And yet there's nothing now. I sob onwards but can't grasp hold of any one emotion.

I feel fucking hollow.

I look down at my leg and grimace, dammit that was unsightly. The bone sticks through the darkened material of my trousers, bright white against the surrounding dark red and brown mess. My rage dulled the pain before, but now this hollowness lets it register anew. I claw into the earth and stuff my cloak in my mouth.

Shit.

Levi appears next to me, staring ahead of where I sit, stock still as his eyes slowly blink. I know I'll regret it, but I look to where his eyes are locked and feel another scream burn in my throat. It goes unvoiced, but my god do I want to let it rip out of me until my lungs burst.

Those bright eyes.

Those big beautiful green eyes, now glazed over with lifelessness, stare at us from Isabel's sweet head. The mask is broken as he walks over and stares down, hands shaking as they continue to tightly grip his still steaming blades. This isn't Levi, this is the shattered pieces of him being held together by a damn uniform. I can barely see straight from the agony swirling in my mind, but still I wrench my sorry ass up and I go to him. In all honesty, having heard the rage-filled roars from him as he took those Titans down, I'm half expecting him to cut me into pieces as well. I have blame here, just as he would think he had. He left them, yes, but I was right here and still failed to protect them. But as I get closer to him, there's no reaction at all, he's just standing there staring into those green pits.

I limp over and hold onto his shoulder, putting my other hand to his face as I try and stop him being mesmerised by that silent gaze. I can't say anything though, if I open my mouth I feel like I'll just scream at him, and at the world. The sobs are burning in my throat, but I won't voice them. I have to be here for him, I have to fight the shadows back now more than ever.

He blinks slowly, a flicker of light appearing in those silver eyes as he looks at my hand, his downward gaze then catching sight of my leg. That flicker blazes and he tenses up, putting a hand over mine and holding tighter than ever. His other goes to my cheek, seemingly searching my face with those wild eyes.

"Are you hurt anywhere else?" he demands coarsely, but I just breathe heavily, unable to say a damn thing. I can't imagine what's going on in his head, the pain he must be feeling. All I'd wanted to do, throughout this shitshow, was help him. That was all I had ever bloody wanted to do. But it seemed like all I'd accomplished was heaping on more pain. The edges of my vision blur again, darkening as my breathing shakes. What do I say?

He shakes my shoulders.

"Kat! Come on, don't do this, don't leave me…"

"I c-can't… oh God… Levi…" I look away, gritting my teeth as I sway, the stench of the battle making it even harder to breathe on top of the fact I feel like those two tombstones I'd seen, were now hung round my neck, pressing down on my chest. Burying me. "I… I tried… I just…"

"Just get off that leg, we need to—"

"We need to bury them." I gag and put a hand over my mouth, and in the next second he's pulled me into his arms. I want to push him away, beg him to fucking save himself before the tombstones dragged him down too, but soon enough I know I can't.

I feel that strength around me, hear that heartbeat that commanded my own. We sink to our knees, and whilst he starts pawing at my leg, fresh blood oozing from the wound, I just stare down at him. I think I understand it now, why he hadn't pushed me away, why he hadn't killed me. In this world of uncertainties, and madness, we seemed to always come back to each other. I was his only real connection to the past, the only real connection to himself that he still has, is me.

You poor bastard Levi.

"You should make it back." He says quietly, and I nod absentmindedly, not particularly bothered about anything to do with myself by this point.

I run a hand through his hair as the rain lets up, and the clouds begin to shift. The last of the fog rolls away and the scene is plain to see. Silence rules us for a while, until finally he looks at me. That light that flickered and blazed was there, but it was dimming as he licks his lips and breathes out a question that makes my iced over heart shudder.

"Did I kill them?" he looks like a child again, completely stripped back to his old self. Before anything had darkened him, before anything had sullied those pure eyes. I just pull him close and shake my head.

"You let them live, Levi. You let them fight."

"Kat… what was all this for?" he breathes, clinging to me suddenly and my heart seems to thaw just a little. I look up at the clearing sky and try to remember. But my mind is a haze of mist, tainted in red flecks. Right now I have no idea. Right now the only thing I'm certain of is that I'm alive, and he's alive; and we had lost two bright souls in our care.

"I don't know Levi. But we… but you…"

"You got it right the first time." He says, breath hitching ever so slightly before he looks at me again and tucks a strand of my hair back. I look away, unable to accept the affection that just appeared in that gaze.

Why now?

Why was it only in the darkest of places we found ourselves able to accept how much we needed each other?

I clamber onto my feet, he watches me go, knowing not to question me as I go over to that mess of Auburn hair. I kneel down and slowly close those eyes, letting my foolish self try to imagine she was doing nothing but taking a nap. That soon enough she would be pestering me again, calling me Kitty Kat and laughing that melodic laugh.

"We." He says sternly from where he sits. "Promise me that at least, brat."

I turn to him, meeting that familiar gaze and feeling my heart give a juddering swell.

"Levi I—"

The sound of hooves makes me jolt, and he turns, also startled by the sudden intrusion of our silence. But as they grow closer we see the familiar figure of our intended victim. He rides up and considers the scene carefully, cold blue eyes wide as he notes the diminished Squad and rotting Titan corpses. And then he lands his gaze upon his, more disbelief showing.

"Levi? Katsumi?! What… what the hell happened… are you the only ones left?"

What a stupid question.

I see Levi tense for a lunge, but I don't have the energy to try and get over there to stop him. Instead I run my fingers through the soft locks of little Isabel, unable to avoid the warm tears rolling down my cheeks. Erwin looks at Levi and then to me, flinching back from my expression, which I can only assume either looks completely broken, or completely psychotic. Either way, not a pretty sight.

"Did you take all these Titan's down yourselv—" his question is cut off as Levi lunges, and drags Erwin from his horse to throw him into the much. They land heavily, and I flinch at the harsh noise. Levi is practically growling as he holds his glittering blade to Erwin's throat.

I look at Mike who had been close behind, and shake my head. Not the time to intervene Sniffers, trust me on this. The man nods slightly, and looks at my leg with a grimace soon following. Yeah we survived, just about.

"I'll kill you Smith." Growls Levi, and Erwin just stares at him coldly. Levi hisses through his teeth. "It's the only god damned reason I'm here!" the blade shakes with his rage as he grits his teeth tighter.

They talk about some document, and about the original 'job' Levi had been asked to do. It all rumbles round me without meaning quite frankly, I had never been involved with it, and even now feel no real drive to kill Erwin anymore. He was as powerless in this as we were it seemed. How petty our squabbles seemed when in the wake of these beasts and their smouldering bones.

And then I hear it.

It had all been a bluff. So the 'job' had been for nothing. I suck a breath through my teeth, tasting blood but disregarding it. The only reason Levi had agreed to all this, to taking Isabel and Farlan out of the Underground and into this madness, was a bluff? Once again the ice crawls over my heart, and I watch as the blade shudders in Levi's hands.

I no longer care.

Cut him to ribbons if you want Levi, I can't hold back this tide any longer.

I'll just linger in the dark with you.

"You bastard… this is all your fault! You knew? You fucking knew?!" demands Levi, and then Erwin glances at me and at the girl's head where my hand lingers.

His eyes grow sad, and then very, very angry.

He turns them on Levi and I feel myself hold my breath.

"Who was it that killed my subordinates, and your friends?" Erwin asks, and I flinch back from that tone. "Was it me? Was it you?"

At first I can't believe what the bastard's insinuating; that it was Levi's fault they were dead. How dare he? How dare he throw that blame down at Levi's feet when he can clearly see the pain in the man's eyes? But then it clicks into place. That wasn't what Erwin was saying at all. I look to Levi, and see he has made the same initial assumption as myself, but instead of anger it manifests as guilt and shame. An entirely new darkness is shrouding him.

"You're right…" Levi says, blade remaining where it is, but eyes glancing down. As I hear his confession, his admittance of accountability I feel sick to my stomach. No Levi… no it isn't true. "My arrogance... my shitty pride…"

"No you're wrong!" yells Erwin and I do a double take. I knew what he had meant, but why was he so desperate for Levi to understand? I thought Erwin hated Levi. But perhaps I had set my sights too small. Allowed myself too much indulgence. I draw a shaky breath and rise to my feet, swaying as I stagger over to them.

"It's the Titans." I say it quietly, not really sure if I intended them to hear or not. But then they both look at me whilst I gaze at the mess in our wake. No, in their wake. Erwin nods

"We are ignorant of them, of the outside world, and until we learn all we can about them? Humanity will never escape this nightmare." he grabs the blade and leans forward towards Levi who just stares, still trying to comprehend all that has happened I think. Erwin stands and looms over him, I panic and wonder if he's just saying all this to kill Levi. But when he shoots me a look I just stand where I am, listening to my own shaken breath and stuttering heartbeat. He's serious. "Will you kill me, Levi? Will you return to that darkness of the Underground? Dragging her with you?"

Levi looks at me and I just stare back.

"We need your strength, both of you, humanity needs you." Says Erwin, slightly pleading.

"Needs us?" I breathe, still staring into those turbulent grey eyes.

"Stay in the light and fight beside us." Says Erwin quietly, the breeze shifting our capes and fluttering those green shades around.

I swallow hard.

Perhaps the only tangible thing to be brought out from all this carnage and waste, was doing just that. Remaining to fight. Staying in the Corps and battling for freedom under the big sky Isabel loved so much. It wasn't much, but it was something. I clench my teeth and stagger over to Levi who now looks up at that clearing sky, eyes reflecting the rolling clouds as the noise in his mind continues. I put a hand on Levi's that holds the blade towards Erwin still. I'm not stopping him, I'm just trying to remind him that someone is still there with him.

I'm not much of a consolation prize, but at least I was a connection to what once was.

"I need to know one thing Erwin." I say quietly, eye flickering over to him, the blade still held in his hand as blood seeps from his palm. He was far from safe. His blue eyes zone in on mine and I feel sincerity shine out at me.

"Ask."

"Why did you make me wait? Why ask for the extra time?" I ask and tighten my hold on Levi's hand, trying to steady myself as my vision darkens again. "What did it allow?"

"The longer he had to scramble at a cover up, the more that damned nobleman buried himself into his own conspiracy. By allowing me time, and allowing the mission to continue, you allowed us to show that bastard for who he is. Lobov is now disgraced and can no longer steal, nor hold back our work." He explains and whilst I know next to nothing about this nobleman, the fact that I had allowed the Scouts to continue their jobs was a small consolation.

Without the scouts, when it really came down to it, none of us would fly.

"Why would your death halt the mission?" I snort, seeing it as arrogance initially. But then I stop myself, and glance over to where Shadis sits upon his horse, hollowed eyes extremely tired looking. I look back to Erwin and smirk. "So you're already the Commander?"

"As good as." He shrugs and swallows as the blade shudders in Levi's grip. "Please, listen to me the two of you. Stay in the light, fight with us for the hope of tomorrow. Allow me to—"

"Shut it, Erwin." I sigh, and I turn to Levi with a solemn look. "No more deals, no more secret arrangements or scurrying around behind each other's backs. We have nothing else to lose but this freedom… and maybe each other."

Levi stares for a long moment, and I wonder if that's even enough for him anymore. Does he just want to go back to that hovel and dwindle into nothing? But then he finally yields the grip upon his blade. And so do I. It falls to the earth, blood still trickling along the razor edge. Erwin heads back over towards Mike, and once again a strange quiet enfolds me and Levi. As he stares at me, I feel like he's looking for something, and then finally he takes a slow blink.

"Not bad…" he says at me and I can't help but smirk a little. There he was, even if it was just for a moment, there was a flicker of himself in amongst the wreckage. His eyes glance at the fallen and he shudders, gritting his teeth. I put a hand to his cheek and run my thumb where there's no tears to take away.

"You can't regret it, don't cheapen what they did."

"I won't. I'll never let myself do that." He says, pausing to take a breath. "But you can't either, Kat."

"Perhaps we can make that our last deal…" I sigh and smile sadly at him as the sun washes over his pale face. He nods and I know it's done, we have a new vow and a brand new bond. On top of all our history, and all our shared pain, I really don't think anything's going to be able to pull us apart anymore. Heck, it could try, but it wouldn't work.

"Hey Claws… I need to get a look at that leg…" says Hanji as she rides up, having been sent for by Sniffer I assume. I nod, before I glance to those two sleeping souls and then shake my head gently.

"Not yet." I whisper.

"What's that claws?"

"Not till I've put them to bed."

"Huh?" she says, but I don't explain, she'd know soon enough.

I head over to where Isabel sleeps. Signals fire off in the background, and I know in truth we don't have time to bury them. Not out here. Here was a place that Time slid and juddered about, sneaking up on you in the form of gaping jaws. But I can't just leave them like this. I take off my cape and swaddle that sweetly sleeping face in it, carrying her over to Farlan and laying her upon his stilled chest. I'm about to kneel down when Levi appears by my side, silently tapping my shoulder and doing it himself. He wraps Farlan's cape around them and we both take a blade and cross them at the head of the newly appointed resting place.

"Perhaps it's better to not bury them…" I whisper, and feel his arm go to my waist. "Now they're free to gaze up at that sky for always…"

"Let's go home, Kat."

"Yeah… let's go home, Levi."

We head over and Levi gets onto a horse, hauling me up behind him a moment later. Well it isn't as if I can ride on my own with my leg in this state. I hold on tight and brace myself for the oncoming movement, and in all likeliness, soul-crushing pain. He looks over his shoulder as the formation regroups around us.

"How's the pain?" his voice is gentle, and I just shrug, holding a little tighter still.

"I'll loop my hands through your straps if I think I'm gonna pass out."

"Right…"

"I'm here Levi, and if I'm in pain, it means I'm alive. I'm not leaving you again." I sigh and he nods, patting my hand that rests across his stomach. We start to head back with Erwin and Mike, but as we reach the top of a hill Levi slows the horse and we both look back. The blades gleam in the sunlight. I hold him tighter.

"Under the big blue sky Levi, they're not stuck in the shadows anymore."

"I wish I saw the world through your eyes."

"I can help with that." I nuzzle his back and he holds my hand a little tighter. "Don't go taking this the wrong way, you prat… but, I do love you."

"I love you too, brat."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew... proverbial fan and shit have connected. That was intense to write, I cannot lie. I just hope it was a good read as well.
> 
> Thank you and see you next time!
> 
> Note: there might be a delay on the next update as i have now caught up with myself in terms of what is written and edited and frankly I'm having a bit of trouble at the moment with motivation thanks to some recent personal projects having fallen through. However the story is being continued, it is not being abandoned. Thanks for your patience.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here we go! Thank you so so so much to those of you who have followed and stuck with this story, I am so feckin' sorry about the delay. I didn't realise how hard it would be to keep writing this after the loss of Isabel and Farlan, but it really was! Anyway, hopefully now it'll be easier to continue :D hope you enjoy!
> 
> Disclaimer: I don't own AOT. And the M thing still applies because SHOCKER bad language, substance abuse... general AOT shenanigans.

Time becomes a funny thing once your heart's been ripped out and torn to shreds, slowly being forced back inside as you try and get through the day by day. Time becomes sluggish and warped, I'll think no time has passed and suddenly it's the afternoon, or I'll close my eyes and wish for sleep and it seems to take a week to get through a single night. It disorientating, and it makes hell for my daily schedule I'll tell you that for sure. I haven't looked anyone in the eye since it happened, and we've been back for a month now I think, at least that's the best guess I can make. Daily duty slides past, and dawn turns to dusk when my head hits the pillow.

I keep trying to reach out for Levi, but I don't know what to do, he doesn't meet my eye same as I don't meet his. Neither of us know what to do in all honesty. We just look each other's way and know, we hold hands or even just lean, it's all we can manage and right now, it's all we can bare to need. I hadn't known them long, I feel my selfishness stick in my throat, I had no right to be this bent out of shape about it. I should be strong for him. But whenever I try and voice that damned apology he just shuts me up. At first it was with a finger, pressed to my lips before it trembled and fell away again, but it gradually changed to more and more intimate things. Eventually it was him cupping my face with the other hand, the finger at my lips no longer trembling as his eyes linger on my cheeks, not meeting my gaze yet, but a lot closer than before. How long till we manage eye contact? How long before we… my head whirls and now? Now it was something else entirely.

"Levi…" I breathe, trying to get the words out, trying to make him understand that it was all right for him to be hurt worse. He should be. They were his family for years, and I barely knew them at all in the grand scheme of things. But it doesn't escape. He seals my lips with his own and pins me against the wall. At first I thought he was going to kill me, that he had finally had enough and just wanted to smash my head in till I was nothing more than something to be scrubbed away. But this was quickly turning into something I knew deep down I'd wanted since finding him again. My arms wrap round his neck and hold him close, the tears rolling down my cheeks as he hungrily deepens the kiss and slides his hands under my shirt. The flesh there is littered by old scarring and now bright new ones from the mission. It was only three days ago that I was permitted to be free of the cast on my leg. It's still bandaged up, and I have splints in my boots, but right now I don't feel any pain. I just feel this deep ache within me, the same one that had been in me this whole time, but now it burned with fresh urgency.

Yes.

Please.

Let me feel something other than loss, other than who should be sat there laughing away, or nervously muttering under his breath. Teach me to feel again Levi. Please. I gasp as a shirt button pings to the floor, his hands having gotten impatient at the last hurdle. My fingers fumble with his belt buckle and I unbutton his trousers. His lips, already bruised and red as they pant unintelligibly, travel down my throat and he bites down on my pulse point.

"Fuck…" I sit bolt upright in my bed, darkness all around me as I wake alone, and panting.

I needed to get fucking laid.

My hand reaches to my neck as it stings badly.

I've popped the stitches again haven't I?

I look down and sure enough red bleeds into my pillow all over again. I swallow hard, and just watch it spread further and further, paling as it blossoms out like weird wisps of cloud at sunset. Pink and fluffy at the edges. The moonlight is pale as it comes in through the window where someone hadn't quite had the courage to close the drapes. It made for grumbling, but really no one minded, you could only listen to whispered breathing of someone sleeping for so long before your nightmares turned it into the grunted gasps of a Titan. But I just stare at the blood, listening to those hushed breaths and wondering why it hadn't been me.

Why the hell hadn't it been me?

"Hey Kat… you all right?" the calming voice of Hanji says and I turn to her, having not noticed her at all.

Had she been there the whole time? Or just turned up? I shake my head and rub my eyes, sick of my head messing with me. She's kneeling by my bed again, in her uniform still having presumably just got back from the night patrol. I smile at her once I feel a bit more awake, and I nod with a dismissive hand at my neck. She returns the smile, but nods towards the door.

"Come on, you know I have to clean you up properly. No arguments Claws."

I shrug on my jacket and shuffle along with her in my bare-feet, not all that bashful in my night gown which is essentially a large shirt. The other women all whisper and gasp but I just flip the bird at them. This was seriously past the perverted gaping hour, and any bastard that did wanna have a gawk? Welcome to it.

"Always eager to go unnoticed eh, Kat?"

"Regular wall-flower, Hanji, you know that." I mumble as I sit on the counter in the medical bay as she gathers the usual equipment. I'd have a bugger of a scar there by the end of this, but the simple fact was the wound was right where my neck stretched and moved, so yeah, it had been popping open constantly for the past month. As usual Hanji sits there and cleans me up before redoing the stitches. The metal instrument clatter back into the bowl as the cotton buds are pushed aside, and she sits opposite me with a knowing smile. She takes my hands and squeezes.

Not this again.

I avoid her eyes as always, but this time she just squeezes harder, and I flinch, looking at her chin in defeat. It was better than her throat, and definitely better than her tits. But I hadn't stared at them for long; and I'd only stared for as long as I had in order to try and find them.

"Nearly Claws. Nearly." She sighs, and gives one last squeeze before letting go. I shake my head and smile as best I can. "Don't apologise either, you're allowed to mourn Kat, I just want to help and know I can't… it's frustrating is all. Mind you… you're doing better than Levi so…"

"Where is he anyway? I haven't seen him in about a week." Truth is I'd probably find more solace in the arms of anyone else on this compound, even Erwin. Whenever I had glanced towards Levi he flinched back and shuddered, now I was a connection with the past and what he had lost all over again. When it had first happened we were able to look past that, just cling to each other and endure the shock. But once shock fades… that's when the real pain begins. It had happened slowly, but day by day he stepped a little further out of my reach.

"Right now he's in the mess-hall making his way through some of my home brew. I didn't want to give it to him… but he clearly needed something to numb himself out. Sorry…" she sighs and takes off her glasses to give them a polish. She sounds so tired and downtrodden, and I feel a fresh wave of guilt as I consider how this has all hit her and my other acquaintances. Okay… I could probably stretch to 'friend' for the likes of Hanji. And maybe Sniffer.

"It's all right Hanji, him drinking is better than him solely depending on the power of brood. That's when he really gets in a hole and you can't dig him out for anything." I sigh and scrape my hair back, tugging on it a little as I try and find the answer to all this. But answers seemed to be being as elusive as time at the moment. "I don't know how to help him Hanji…"

"You don't even know how to help yourself at the moment, love." Chuckles the scientifically minded woman before me, and I smirk at the sentiment. She had a big heart.

"How has he seemed to you though? I reckon my perspective is a little… warped…" I murmur, wondering what all the damned sex dreams meant apart from my rampant frustration. Was I really longing to be like that with Levi again? My head whirls at the idea and I decide to put that sticky question back up on the shelf for now.

"He hasn't said much to anyone really. Does his duties and goes back to bed… until the next mission comes along Erwin can't say much either, no one can. He's not doing anything wrong but—"

"He's not doing anything good either." I breathe, and she nods.

I swallow hard and consider the fact that all this mess had been because I was trying to save the idiot from his own darkness, and in doing so I might have pushed him towards it even more in letting those two die. My leg aches as I consider this, and an echo of their screams makes its way round my head. This wallowing and blaming wasn't why I came with them, this wasn't why I got involved. I came here to help, to be there for him in the ways I hadn't before, and right now? I was being about as helpful as Kenny on a rampage. That drunken bastard… I couldn't let Levi end up the same way; cruel, harsh, heartless and stinking of last night's regrets. I doubted he would ever literally stink, but the sentiment remained the same. I couldn't let it happen.

"I feel like you're either about to fall asleep, or make a decision… or possibly pass wind… feel like letting me know any time soon?" chirps Hanji's voice from the dark and I laugh breathlessly, my shoulders shifting with it as it bubbles out of my throat. For the first time since that moment those two were snatched from the land of the living, I want to laugh.

That was right Hanji, you were still here, still being odd and curious about everything. Dammit woman you had to keep going didn't you? You took it all and learned, noted it down in a scrawl and just made a new theory. It's what you do. Sniffer was still around too, squeezing my shoulder every now and then without bothering to placate me with niceties. He knew there wasn't any point, and he knew I wouldn't put up with it. That man could read a stone.

Erwin…

Even Erwin was someone to look to in all this. It was his formation, and technically his orders, and that had to weigh heavily upon the mind despite the glaringly obvious lack of intent. It wasn't his doing really, and yet the guilt would be there, but you really wouldn't know it. He kept going, kept working, kept fighting. He had kept his distance for the entire month except for one instance. I was about to enter the dorms when he placed a careful hand on my shoulder and spoke quietly in my ear, it wasn't ground-breaking, or amazingly eloquent. It was simple and felt true to my bones.

"I'm sorry."

And then he was gone again.

I stood there staring at the door for so long I ended up bumping into someone trying to leave the dorms the other way. He felt it to his core didn't he? He wasn't even the Commander yet and still those names were drilling into his skull. I swallowed down my words though, I kept my feet planted and refused to go to his office and tell him I had forgiven him. I felt it in my heart that I had, somewhere along the line I had accepted the fact he had never intended anything such as this to happen, who would? But I couldn't voice it, I felt like that would cheapen it. But cheapen what. I sat down and just flopped back onto the bed, I have no idea what I'm reading too much into and what I'm skimming over anymore.

And all this while I've sat there laughing in front of Hanji, finally feeling something as I realise how pointless this mourning is. Isabel would have whacked my head against Levi's and told us to get on with it, to stop being dummies. She'd have scolded me for letting Big Bro be so stupid, and Farlan? Well he would have likely just shook his head and rolled his eyes. I glance up and smile, tears streaming down my face as I decide it ends here. I would never forget them, but this wasn't where the fight ended. It was just where another began.

"I'm sensing it's 'make a decision'." Hanji grins, and I look at her properly, meeting those warm brown eyes properly and holding her gaze as we share a genuine smile between comrades. Between Scouts. Between friends.

"Where is he?" I gasp, still chuckling as I wipe the tears away. There was no way in hell I could have gone through all that, to let him plummet into that pit now. That would be plain moronic, and darn inefficient. I wasn't about to be either any time soon, not without one heck of a fight. And I know it will be. Hanji nods and leads the way, pausing outside the door to allow me to go in myself. I kiss her cheek and send her on her way, smoothing myself down and heading inside.

The large door creaks obnoxiously, and I find no lanterns lit inside, instead the room is aglow with the moonlight through the windows like in the dorms. It's suitably moody, and sat in the pool of one window sits my Levi, one hand on a bottle, and the other playing with a knife. He twirls it, and flings it down and digs it back out, then twirls again to restart the cycle. Apart from the occasional whistle of the wind it's all that is to be heard; the crunch of the blade splintering the wood, and the whack as it stabs in again. If he was here till morning, he'd have worn right through the damn table-top, and then there'd be a whole host of fuss.

"You digging anywhere in particular, or just imagining someone's face there instead?" I ask quietly, walking over and lingering by the seat opposite him. He just shrugs his shoulders, throwing the knife a little harder that time.

It really would be a long fight.

I sit down, chair scraping noisily against the stone and I place the glass I grabbed from the counter down. Nothing except another twirl of the knife. I take a deep breath, pluck the bottle from his slack grip, and pour myself a glass. As the liquor glugs out, sloshing a bit over the sides I feel his eyes slide over to me. He grumbles something, but it's unintelligible anyway. I then hand the bottle back and clink my glass to the neck of it, smirking as the clear note rings out into the darkness around us.

"Haven't seen you in a week or so, I imagine that's because you're busy? Or is it because you've got to the point of grieving that likes to point fingers?" I ask quietly, no edge to my voice as I know there's no need for one. At first he doesn't respond, he doesn't even fling the knife again, he just shifts it in the light and lets the shine dance a bit. I sip the liquor and wait. Eventually he shakes his head and looks up, staring at my lips as he avoids my direct gaze.

"You didn't do this." He says with a voice that sounds like it's been raked over gravel paths for the entire month. I wonder how many times he'd gone to the supply closet and screamed into a rag like I had, my own throat pinches at such memories, and so I take a sip of the liquor to steady myself.

"Neither did you." I point out, and the derivative snort he gives in return snags at my worthless heart. I know he held himself accountable, I'd been doing exactly the same of course, we were as idiotic as each other.

Over and over again I see it sliding past me like the mud off my boots. I feel my mouth stretch into a scream, begging her to get out of there, just get out of there Kid. My wire moves so slowly towards the nape, and I slide through the air like a slug. Too slow. She smacks into the back of that Titan, only to then be grabbed by that filthy fist, and raised to those steaming jaws. I seem to move hardly at all, hands clawing lazily for her, voice pointlessly screaming her name. And then I feel it splash against my face, warm in contrast to cold of the rain, her blood drenching me. Drowning me. My god I wonder if I'll ever stop seeing it, and yet in many ways I hope I won't.

"Stop it Kat…" he sighs, clearing his throat and swirling the glass with dull eyes. "You weren't responsible for them and—"

"And you weren't their father." I snap, putting the glass down harder than I had intended. I swallow past the forming lump in my throat, having underestimated how much closer it would all feel when sat in front of him. He doesn't say anything and so I keep going. "You weren't their mother. You were a brother in arms and they knew what they signed up for. Don't go treating them like children now that they're not here to rebut it." I spit it out between my teeth, eyes warm as hypocrisy bounces around us without so much as a blush of indecency. He looks at my mouth again and swallows hard, nodding because he knows he can't argue any different. "We said we weren't gonna regret. It was meant to be our last deal." I swallow hard again, and feel some tears roll down despite my best efforts.

"I don't regret it…" he sighs, and I tilt my head at him. He clears his throat again, and I think I see a sneaky removal of a tear too. "I just wish it had been me…"

I throw a spoon at him.

"Pretty sure that's a version of regret you idiot." I sniff and lean my head onto my hand. He shrugs and stabs the table again. Quiet settles around us again, the knife's dance only thing to break it. I watch him, but I see nothing really altered in his demeanour.

"We can't keep going like this, Levi they wouldn't—"

"Want this? Well no shit!" he snaps, wrenching the knife out and just stabbing it back in full force, the blade halfway imbedded into the wood.

I flinched back, once again assuming the attack would be aimed at me, and I now sit leaning back and staring. I don't even breathe. He grits his teeth, baring them in the moonlight as he tries to cling to some semblance of composure, but the tears are rolling down now, looking weirdly beautiful as they turn to molten silver by the moons touch.

"Levi…"

"They wanted freedom, and to live above ground, is that so fucking hard? Was it too much to ask?" he isn't asking me, I know this and yet I still want to give him an answer. Didn't any of us at least deserve some answers to all this?

I just stay quiet for a while, before slowly reaching out and putting my hand over his that grips the knife handle. He shudders and sucks in a breath, shaking his head as I slowly unhook his fingers and take the knife for myself. I wiggle it and gradually it's freed with more splinters scattering across the table. I spin it in my hands, and notice him watching me closely, I tilt my head and look past the blade, letting it spin till it faces him head on.

"So why are we dwindling here instead of living?" I ask quietly, expecting a retort, a snarl, perhaps even a lunge for my throat. But not this. A weird smirk warps his lips, causing a shiver to jolt down my spine and linger in my gut. The shadows were creeping into his heart weren't they, burrowing in and making little homes as I sat here and watched. My temper flares. "Don't laugh at me." I snarl at him, gripping the knife tighter and tighter till my knuckles look like snow drops.

"Why not?" he rasps, "Are you seriously about to suggest that we live for them?"

"Are you seriously suggesting that we don't?" I frown and squint at him, trying to get a read on his mind-set. Perhaps I had been too lax, perhaps I had let this go on for too long already. Shit I wasn't too late was I? He reaches for the knife, but I just shake my head and keep it for myself. There's a pause, a long one at that, but slowly the smirk vanishes and the stoic nothingness returns. I think it's better?

He sighs and drains his glass.

"What's the fucking point?"

"Oh god, really?" I seethe, putting on my brave face as those sharp eyes glare at me. "You… you of all people are going to go down the road of the self-pitying fuckwit? Wow… I've seen a lot of messed up shit up here, and down there, but my god that's the worst. Don't kid yourself into thinking you don't care, Levi. Because I'm sorry to fucking inform you, even this lowlife self-serving loser at the bottom of a bottle… you do care. You do." I growl, getting up from my seat, noting the way his eyes follow me and continue to glare in challenge. "Don't look at me like that and not expect a slap to be coming your way pretty damn soon."

"Fuck sake… why can't you just let me be?"

"Because you've decided to be a pathetic mess?" I slam my hand down, "and I was too until I realised it was pointless to do so."

"Fucking hypocrite…" he grumbles and I just grunt in frustration, grab the bottle and fling it against the wall.

"Fuck you! I want to keep fighting, to make the most of this newfound freedom and sky above. Wouldn't you want them to do the same if it had been us to die?"

"You wouldn't have died." He spits out way too quickly, looking fixedly at the table top, hands bracing him against it. His head slowly shakes. I just sigh and sit back down, my rage dissipating as I watch him crumble. God dammit. "I… I want to Kat… I'm just so tired of this."

"Then go get a fresh bottle from Hanji, only this time? Put it to your head and pull the trigger." I say quietly, smiling sadly at him when he looks at me without outright confusion. A few more tears make their way down my face and I sniff inelegantly. "Do it, or put it away and drag yourself back up here with the rest of us."

"Kat…"

"I said it then, and I'll say it again Levi. I love you, so I'm not about to let you sign out of here without me kicking the shit out of you before you go." I keep the knife and start to walk away. "But it's your choice at the end of the day, Levi. I can't force you… I don't have the damned energy to do that anymore." I sigh and rest my head against the door when I reach it.

There's a long silence, and I'm fairly sure he's either passed out from the drink, or he's just headed off through another door without my noticing, but then I hear the chair slide back. The footsteps are slow, and deliberate as he tries to not bump into anything, but eventually he's there, right behind me. I'm about to turn and hold him close when suddenly his arms are around my waist, and he rests his head between my shoulder blades.

"Still not giving up on me, eh Kat?" he whispers, sniffing afterwards. I put my hand over his and laugh weakly, straightening up and taking a big gulp of air as I feel his heart beat through his skin. He was still here, and the shadows hadn't won yet.

"Got a long way to go before that ever happens, Levi. I promise." I breathe, feeling a real smile fall across my lips as I lean back into him ever-so-slightly, still keeping in mind he wasn't all that stable on his feet right now. A chuckle shudders through him and he squeezes a bit tighter.

"Don't…" he hiccups. "Don't go taking this the wrong way you prat… but I love you."

"I love you too, Levi."

It still took time, and a hell of a lot more patience on my part. But gradually, over the next few months we got back to normal, back to existing together and just being a team. I kept having my rather odd dreams about him, but I never voiced anything. Whilst this didn't help with the dreams, I didn't much care. Frankly I didn't want to rock the boat at this point. Summer was on the way and I was kind of looking forward to some slightly more care-free times. Interspersed with missions and training, and cleaning duty, and dealing with the fact that Levi in some way still wanted to kill Erwin. But still more care-free than before.

Months turned into years, and soon enough we had some real respect around here. With our skill set and kill counts, it wasn't long before me and Levi were not only known throughout the regiment as being damned good, but the military as a whole. Levi was known as Humanity's Strongest, and my name of Claws had rather resurfaced with a whole new meaning. We were warriors for mankind now, not for just ourselves. It was strange, but not an unwelcome change from the side-glances and suspicious whispering that used to follow us around. The honour felt abstract until we heard someone cheer those new titles when right in front of some MP bastards. At that point? Sunshine in our hair, pride holding our backs a bit straighter, and my horse taking a rather timely shit on their street? My god it felt good. I looked up at the clear-blue sky and winked, knowing Isabel and Farlan would be looking down and laughing like the rest of us.

Time becomes a strange thing once you're healing. It seems to completely disregard you all of a sudden and you wonder how it had ever caused you problems before. I help Sniffer trained new cadets when they're brought in, and we do recruitment runs every so often too. Hanji has been trying to get my help in persuading Erwin to allow her more freedom with her research, knowing my sway over the man. He wasn't Commander quite yet, but he was basically treated as such in many ways. But try as we might, we hadn't got very far.

After all, I had my own asks to make.

Over the past couple of years, I had been able to maintain contact with Chia and the orphanage through letters. I was thankful for this, each month weighing heavier on the fact I missed her and the children so much. It was about six months after me and Levi had decided to put the pain behind us, that I had gotten the courage to ask Erwin about heading back to the Underground for a visit. That was all I wanted, a visit to see those smiling faces again, and assure them I was doing okay. That was all.

But no such luck.

It's been a couple years now, and still I haven't been able to return to them. Week after week goes by without the permission granted. On and on it goes, and nowadays I can't even blame it on Erwin anymore. I want to, believe me I would love nothing more than to land it at his door and point the finger there. But I can't. I see the frustration in his face every single Monday morning he has to look at me with a no upon his lips, he's trying, he's asking, but neither Commander Shadis, nor the brass beyond want to risk it.

As if those plushy brass bastards even knew what 'risk' meant.

For some reason, despite the fact both Levi and I had proven our metal a thousand times over, as well as our outright allegiance, we were still considered foreign entities; unknown and untrusted. I was soon reaching the point that I'd ram Shadis into the dirt myself, but when I stormed towards his office I found myself losing steam with every step. I had seen the real Commander himself only a handful of times, and each time he got a little smaller. A little weaker. I groan and kick the wall as I realise it isn't even his doing, it's the morons beyond that, and they are far beyond the scrambling reach of a little street urchin such as myself. No matter what they called me.

"Just grab a wagon and go!" laughs Hanji with a shrug when I finish my latest rant about the unfair situation, and Sniffer puts a hand on my shoulder to try and quell my fury at her idiocy. I'd get barely five miles down the road before being corralled by someone, be it a squad of the Scouts, or gods forbid the MP's themselves. It would end in a lot of swearing, some broken noses, and me being chucked in the stocks for momentary enraged madness.

I rest my head on the table and just fold and refold the letter in my hands, the ink already smudging from all my fiddling. This was Chia's most recent letter, having arrived a week and a half ago, and I hadn't stopped re-reading it since I opened it then. My heart is doing the waltz it's so worried.

"What exactly is the problem?" murmurs Levi, grabbing the letter and quickly glancing over it for himself. I just let him read it, gently tapping my head off the table-top as I await the newest declaration of 'no' to come from Erwin. It was Monday morning all over again. Time for some fresh disappointment. Levi rests his hand on the back of my head to stop me hitting it, and I'm not sure if it's concern for my skull's structural integrity, or if the tapping is just annoying him when he reads.

Perhaps a bit of both.

Dearest Katsumi,

I hope to still find you well, and whole, as we only get news so infrequently down here, I can never be sure if a report on the exploits of the Claws of Humanity is recent or from three weeks prior. So much seems to go on in your world, like an entirely different life for you to lead. It's amazing, but worrying. I know you're strong, and I know you have talent, but be careful my dear friend. The world cannot afford to lose you yet. These Titans, they sound so dangerous, so frightening. I can't help but be scared for you every single time I hear the news a mission is planned or being sent out. Such a dangerous and unknown world. The children all miss you of course, and they chant Claws all the way through the days that we hear of your successes, proudly knowing their guardian angel was an angel for all humanity now too. We all love you and send our united love,

Be well, and be safe.

Chia

"Seems like a normal letter to me, why has this got you so fidgety? You've been acting like a real basket case all week." he asks, handing it back with a small furrow to his brow. I tuck the letter back inside my coat and sip my coffee. His eyes remain on me.

"Because she knows full well about the Titans."

"What do you mean?" he sips his tea in that dumbass fashion. Seriously man, the handle is right there… pretentious… I shrug and shake my head at him.

"We never allowed ignorance in the orphanage; we taught the kids about the world, and all its dangers, human and titan. We had pretty good information too from old soldiers and such, so that whole section about the 'terrifying' Titans? It's bullshit."

"You mean its code?" he glances at my jacket where I hid the letter and I nod, his brows raise and I think I detect a hint of surprise. My, my, I managed to impress him.

"Yup, it's a code all right. That's her telling me that the merchants are honing in and trying to take advantage… again… dammit I knew this would happen when they cottoned onto the fact I can't get back down there." I glare into my coffee and try not to think of those children being lined up and chucked out the door by those fat buggers. One by one, stripped of their home all over again. I stop gripping the cup so hard when I realise I had already broken three cups that month alone. They'd start docking my pay soon.

"You might be reading too much into it, Kat. Just send back a letter and ask—"

"They might already have been turned out onto the street though! Dammit!" I snarl, slamming my hands on the table and waking Hanji up again after she'd managed to doze off after another all-nighter. Levi sips his tea again and sighs.

"Right… so basically you need to get back down there or—"

"Or they'll tear them apart." I murmur with my head in my hands, shaking it back and forth as once again my mind tries to figure it out. I could tunnel under the road and avoid patrols? Or better yet tunnel down to the Underground myself… no that would likely take years. Plus we don't have very goof shovels on base. I feel like a rat in a looped pipe, I keep getting shat on and yet I keep on scrambling round desperately, just to be shat on all over again. Oh good, now the bad metaphors are sneaking back into my head.

There's a clearing of a throat behind me.

I know that noise, and I know it wouldn't have happened without good reason.

Erwin has news.

I jump up out the chair, it slamming back and whacking into a certain tall blonde's undercarriage. Direct hit, and a couple cringes go round the men currently sitting at the breakfast table. Erwin currently bends over and holds onto the back of the chair with a very pink face.

"Morning Kat… nngh… fucking hell…" It wasn't often that you heard Erwin Smith swear, and so that, paired with the fact I had clearly jangled his ancestors, made it all very amusing. At least it would have if I hadn't already been freaking out.

"Well don't sneak up on people Blondie!"

"I simply wanted to surprise you with some good news!" he groans, and leans on his knees trying to take a deep breath without whimpering. Only I don't give him time to recover. I grab his jacket and wrench him upright, shaking him slightly and searching his face for the answer I had been waiting for, for far too damned long. And considering how often he faced off with Titans without so much as a flinch, he looked overly concerned about being this close to little-old me.

"Can I go? Can I go? Can I go?" I shake him again.

"Good lord woman yes!" he yells, pushing my hands away and holding my shoulders. "A carriage will take you tomorrow morning. You have leave for three days, enough time to go there, spend the day in the Underground City, and then another to travel back. It isn't much, but it's all I could manag—" I slam my lips to his and cut him off, cupping his face and probably continuing the kiss for far too long before I push off him and run round the table like a child.

"Yes! Finally!" I cheer and share a high five with Sniffer who just holds his hand aloft, ready and waiting for the celebration. I then look to Levi for a victory hug and find him just glaring at Erwin, who in turn is just standing there staring forward without having moved a muscle.

Hanji is snoring.

I look between them, and gradually Erwin blushes brighter and Levi glares deeper. I'm sure I'm missing something but I don't have time to care, I turn on my heel and bolt to my room to pack my bag. It had been a good while since I got my own room, and I was very thankful for the upgrade. I can barely breathe my heart is going so fast.

I was going back, and I was going tomorrow.

Underground city I have never been so excited to be shrouded in your gloom again!

I slow down though as I pass by the old dorms, the open door allowing me to see where Isabel used to sleep. I swallow hard and sober myself a little; this might well be a trip to a happy reunion, or a trip to finding my Chia and charges scattered around like lice. I clench my hands and shake my head. No. This time the world was going to give me something, it was going to give me one small ray of hope and normality.

Right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So there we go! I hope it was worth the wait, and I realise it wasn't wholly action-packed, but I didn't really want to just timeskip and have Isabel and Farlan forgotten you know? They the bubbas! So anyway, things shall be picking up pace in the next installment, which will hopefully not be as long in the making. *the shame!*
> 
> See you next time guys, thanks for reading, and please leave a fav, follow, and or review if you have the time. This is my little baby story, but I still love to know what you guys think about it!


	12. Explanations and Apologies

To all those that have read/bookmarked on here I thank you for your interest, however I would refer you to where I am uploading these fics from now on. On Fanfiction.net you will find all my stories, two of which are a lot further on within that site, than they are here. 

I have found myself continuously forgetting to upload onto this site A) Because Fanfiction was where I started and is where I get highest traffic. B) I understand their system a lot better. C) The Community is a lot more vocal and forthgiving with reviews and feedback. 

I like to have a dialogue with my readers, and thus far have only had a handful of reviews on here, if that. And whilst I am glad to have recieved those, thank you again to anyone that did take the time, the sheer amount of silent readers on here just does not make it rewarding for me as a writer, in terms of learning as well as motivation. Thanks for looking into these works, if you want to see them continued (both Chained Wings and Red Burnings Wings are VASTLY further along in their narratives by now) then please look me up on Fanfiction, I am under the same nametag and the stories are the same titles as well. I hope to see you there, and am sorry if I don't.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed, updates will be coming along soon enough! :)


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